Alternately: “BOMB GIRLS: FUCK EVERYTHING,” “BOMB GIRLS: THE MERDE HITS THE FAN,” “BOMB GIRLS: I WILL PEE ON EVERYTHING GLOBAL LOVES.”
Previously on Bomb Girls: oh, fuck it.
Kate walks into the common room with her mother, only to have everyone jump out from behind the furniture and scream “SURPRISE!” Damn it, people! Don’t startle a girl like that! Kate nervously accepts everyone’s bridal congratulations and introduced Ingrid as “um . . . my mother.” Her dead mother? Yeah, that one.
The other women are way more into the party than Kate is, playing some kind of monkey-in-the-middle game with a boquet while Kate runs interference to keep her mom from blowing her cover. Betty watches anxiously out of the corner of her eye while Kate confabs with her mom. I feel you, Betty. Meeting the parents is always rough.
The next morning at Lorna’s place, Lorna is fussing around the kitchen packing Bob’s lunch as she frets about the upcoming blood drive at VicMu. Bob says it’s a good thing- their soldiers badly need the supplies- and that his legs are getting better now that he’s doing the exercises Dr. Patel recommended. Yay Bob!
Donald the Douchebag is first on the bleeding table, and Sheila is the one running the drive. Lorna stands in line and boggles at the whole thing. Sheila, still a bit miffed about the whole Ned thing, asks her mom if she plans on getting her blood drawn or just holding up the line. Stop embarassing me at work Mom, god! Meanwhile, Vera passes out cookies and juice, and Gladys gets jabbed with a needle. On the opposite side bed in Clifford Perry, getting his blood sucked just before he gets “reassigned” somewhere else. Gladys gets off bed and struts away, apparently unconcerned with her recent blood loss. She is gonna pass out on the production line if she’s not careful.
Outside, Vera chats up the soldier packing up blood donations, and discovers that she knows his brother, “Twill.” As in, knows him in the Biblical sense. While Marco lurky broodily in the background, the soldier tells Vera that his brother said she “sure knew how to show a soldier a good time” and Vera decides she’s needed elsewhere. Marco gives the soldier the evil eye.
Kate grabs Ivan just before he’s due for the blood drive to give him some news- her mom’s alive, her name’s not Kate, and she may have committed an eensy bit of manslaughter. Before she can explain any further, though, Mr. Aikens shows up to announce that a police officer is here to see her. Oh damn it. I knew this was going to come back and bite everyone in the ass.
The detective saw Kate’s wedding announcement in the paper and wants to know more about how her dad managed to fall backwards off the fire escape. Kate attempts to bamboozle him thusly: “Sir,” *blink* “none of us likes it when a man dies alone,” *blink*, “but when my father went, it was just him and his maker.” *blink blink blink* This does not go over as well as one might hope, but Lorna comes in to defend Kate: “Lots of girls come from other places, reinvent themselves. As long as they do their work, don’t cause trouble . . .” Fuck yeah, Lorna! Best work mom ever.
Marco sidles up to Vera as she’s cleaning up after the blood drive and promises that he’s over trying to blow up buildings and getting sent to jail, honest! His offer of coming over at eleven-thirty does not go over well: “Can I say no to that? Yes I can!” He grumps about how “life is more than a parade of randy servicemen,” and Vera smarts off.
Clifford takes Gladys out to a romantic field in the middle of nowhere, and tosses one of her father’s cans on a little fire he’s built. It goes BOOM. The Canadian research department has invented a new explosive that can be packed into a smaller carrier- a can, in fact- and her dad has a deal with him to sell the government the cans that will be used to distribute them. Clifford says that he “hated leaving without her knowing what they were all about,” and Gladys raises an eyebrow to ask if THAT’S what they were all about.
Lorna sneaks into the filing room and pulls the letter Vernon sent back at the beginning of the season out of Betty’s file, intending to burn it. Unfortunately for all of us, Mr. Aikens comes in and sees she’s got something in her hand, and Lorna has the worst poker face ever. Busted.
Kate’s taken Ivan out to a bar to explain her whole history, and he starts chugging a beer in response. “Easy, Ivan,” she says nervously. “WAS YOUR DAD EVEN A VETERINARIAN?” he demands. Ivan, I don’t feel like that’s the biggest issue here. Kate assured him that she’s the same person, and reminds him that “you’ve seen the scars on my back.” So they have . . . “spent time,” then? Gross. Ivan tells her that she can leave everything behind and be a Buchinsky instead of a Rowley, and they plan to hop on a train to Winnipeg that night.
The Withams are holding a bash at Gladys’s hotel to celebrate the government deal, and Clifford Perry is there as well. He congratulates them on a job well done and Gladys on her “moxie,” but laughs at the idea that she’d ever have a career in secret service. Gladys basically tells him to go fuck himself and her mother’s like “quiet dear, we need to get a penis in you.”
Lorna is at home beating herself up for not burning Vernon’s letter when it first arrived. Now Mr. Aiken’s gone and taken it to the cops. Bob points out that a letter showing Vernon as a violent, unstable abuser isn’t going to put Betty or Kate in a bad light, but Lorna remembers the rant the detective went on about the “unfeminine” women at the factory, and knows he’s going to take the accusations at face value. The real bitch of it is, it’s all true- well, not the twisted version Vernon wrote about, but it is true that Betty loves Kate and helped empower her to build a new life, and now that’s going to be used to hang them both.
Vera and the soldier boy are out at a restaurant, chowing down on steak. The soldier, “Quincey,” is sweet-talking Vera by telling her all the nice stuff his brother said about her when Marco shows up to ruin the mood. Quincey trys standing up to him. It does not work.
Marco accuses Vera of trying to make him jealous, to which Vera is like “you know what sounds good? Not being here.”
Detective Dick is interviewing Lorna about the letter. She calls Vernon a “twisted soul,” but he says that he was a “pious, God-fearing man. And every father has the right to protect and correct his daughter.” The right to protection and correction ends where drowning someone in a bathtub begins, assface. Lorna defends Kate’s character, but he’s not buying it. “I hate when people lie to me. And you know what? I can always tell.”
Clifford carrys Gladys’s bags to her room as an apology for insulting her, and explains that if she wants to be in the war effort, she has to learn to conceal things from people. Clifford, have you ever MET Gladys? He lays the compliments on thick and tells her he has capital-F feelings for her. Gladys is like “I’m still kind of mad at you, but you talk real pretty, and it’s been awhile since I got laid, so.”
Vera takes Quincey back to her room to feed him cookies and milk. He compliments her on her dress collection, and admits that he kind of figured that he’s there to make Marco jealous. He’s curious as to why she’s so pissed at him, so she gives him a Dating 101 primer: don’t treat a girl as disposable, or she will dump your ass. This apparently works as a bedtime story, because Quincey conks out right then and there, and Vera tucks him in for the night.
Kate stuffs her belongings into her bag, while Ingrid begs her not to run- it’ll make her look guilty. “I am guilty, Mom,” she says. She tells her mom what we already knew- that she was defending herself and it was an accident- and Ingrid hugs her and tells her she understands. Ivan arrives to take her away, but before they can leave, Detective Dick shows up to haul her away to jail. Ivan promptly keels over with an asthma attack.
Betty and Kate have both been pulled in for questioning, and they both stick to their stories- Betty wasn’t there, and there was no bad blood between her and Vernon. Kate plays to the detective’s weaknesses, saying that she “needed correction” and “could have left if I wanted to” (oh honey) while the detective berates Betty for her obsessive lesbian crush on Kate. You were obsessed with her, weren’t you? You wanted her father dead, didn’t you? I can finally write the jailsplotation movie I’ve been planning on, can’t I? They both insist that he cn’t prove a thing, and he smugs “Just watch me.” Sir, you are no Pierre Trudeau. You’re not even Justin Trudeau.
Ingrid goes to Lorna to ask for help now that Kate and Betty are both in the slammer, and Lorna knows exactly who to go to. She grabs Gladys on her way into work, while elsewhere in the factory, Vera kisses Quincey on the cheek and wishes him good luck overseas.
Kate and Betty are in the courtroom being charged with second-degree murder (what? hello? manslaughter?) while Lorna, Ingrid, and Gladys sit in the gallery. Betty stands up and yells that they didn’t kill Vernon, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH, DAMMIT but the judge tells her to sit down and stfu. They’re given bail of seven thou each, and Gladys stands up to announce that she’s willing to offer a surety for both of them, out of her trust fund. The judge asks her how much she trusts Betty and Kate. “Your Worship, I believe in these women.”
Gladys gives Kate a hug and tells her to go see her mom, but Betty insists that the trial is already lost. “Princess, I can’t owe you more.” Well, fuck.
Vera gets a delivery in her office- a coral dress, her favourite colour. Carol snarks that it’s “dividends from the blood drive.” Vera tells Carol that since the tide of the war is turning, maybe it’s time that their little war ends. Carol gives her a peace offering, asking if Vera’s soldier is nice. Vera says he’s very nice, but she’s made a decision. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Ivan’s in the hospital, complaining that the asthma cigarettes they’re giving him don’t seem to help. Snerk. Kate arrives to check on him and tell him about her bail, but he doesn’t want to see her. He’s decided that she lied to him too much, and he’s breaking off the engagement.
Vera stops off at the Jewel Box, where Marco is hanging out at the bar. She’s decided to give Quincey the dress back, and Marco asks “why? it’s your favourite colour.” But how does he know what colour it . . . ahhhh. He tells her apologetically that he let the war change him, when “all this time, I’ve been looking at the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” She warns him that he’s not out of the doghouse yet, but it’s a new start for both of them.
In the next scene- oh Jesus.
They’re both apologizing to each other, insisting that the whole mess is their own fault. Kate says she doesn’t have regrets. “In the past year, I lived more than I’d ever dreamed. I found a friend, Betty. A true friend. A friend who loved me.”
And then the scene ends without them kissing. Well, the early bird gets the worm, and the writer who drags their feet on making a pairing canon gets their show cancelled.
At the Corbetts’ house, the radio is announcing a tide turning in the war while Lorna makes dinner- lentils. “What kind of dinner is lentils?” Sheila asks, just as there’s a knock at the door, and Lorna lets Ned in. She invited him over for supper and made a vegetarian meal so he could eat. Aww.
Kate is brooding in her bed the next morning when her mother arrives with a plate full of food, intent on making sure her daughter eats right. Ingrid is such a great mom, you guys. Kate tells her mother that she’s sick of running and hiding, and she’s going to tell the truth. She finds a note Betty left for her on the bedside table” “you’re safe here now.” Oh shit.
Gladys and Clifford lounge in bed the morning after while she ponders telling her dad that she just blew her trust fund on Betty and Kate’s bail. Clifford tells her that he’s proud of how brave and loyal she’s been, and suggests a new career path for her: a training facility outside of town where they’re training recruits to spy for the government. He thinks she has what it takes.
Kate dashes into the police office the next morning, only to be restrained by officers while Betty is in the interrogation room with Detective Dick. She tells him that on the night Vernon died, she went to see him to tell him to leave her alone. There was a struggle, and he fell. “And your friend Marion?” “My friend Marion wasn’t there.” OH GOD DAMMIT.
Lorna stares out the office window, pondering what’s going to happen next, while Gladys hovers in the background with her resignation letter. She repeats Churchill’s words: “This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. But it may be the end of the beginning.” Or the end of the entire show, because Global is a gint bag of dicks. YEAH, I SAID IT.