Previously on Orphan Black: Art and Angela re-start their investigation from the ground up. Hot Paul gets interrogated by Creepy Olivier. Felix wears guyliner and looks better than everyone else. Alison was away at a couple’s retreat with Stupid Donnie. Sarah rescues Hot Paul and they are in looooove. (YES GOD YES) Helena is friggin’ awesome: she has lunch with Sarah, rescues Sarah from Creepy Olivier, gets a name of a clone from Sarah, cuts off Creepy Olivier’s tail and then dances the night away in the club with the tail. Helena rules. Felix calls Art to tell him all about Beth Childs but when Sarah and Paul get out of the rave club alive he hangs up. Art talks to the cell phone for another 10 minutes cause he just can’t tell when someone hangs up I guess.
Guys. You guys. This show. Every week I say, “This episode was the best!” and then the next week happens and I jump off the couch after the episode airs, point my finger wildly at the TV and scream, “THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST!!!!” Well guess what? THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST.
Orphan Black tops itself as each episode airs. The writing is clever and funny, the pacing never drags, the story is riveting and the characters are fully-fleshed and interesting. There isn’t a dud in the bunch. Everyone’s story is fascinating. I feel sorry for anyone not watching this show. Sorry. Sorry cause you suck!
Art’s comparing Sarah’s old mugshot and Dead Beth’s old detective I.D. He looks constipated but I think he’s just really, really confused about this whole thing. He asks Angela if she believes in dopplegangers. How about twins? Triplets? Sure, it could happen. The two of them agree to keep this incredibly huge breakthrough that could possibly blow the case wide open under wraps for a bit. You know, until they figure out what the hell’s going on. Um…ok.
Hot Paul and Sarah are being layabouts. Still sleeping! Art’s already showered, shaved, grabbed a coffee and bagel, and stared at those pictures for hours. They’re obviously underachievers.
Actually, only Sarah is still snoozing, Paul is fretting. Sarah tries to sooth him with more snuggles but he just can’t stop thinking about how they’re all up Shit Creek and their paddles are, like, so gone.
He starts talking about how Dr. Leekie, Olivier’s boss, is coming to town and will be looking for Sarah. Dr. Leekie still thinks Sarah is the clone killer. Sarah sighs and starts putting on her top just as Felix get in from fetching himself a coffee. Wow, if you let Felix beat you to doing something productive then you really are sleeping late.
Ok, forget about everything I just typed cause Sarah gets out of bed and she is most certainly not wearing underpants. That girl has a fine ass. Fine.
Felix is irritated. He has Bonnie and Clyde hogging his fabulous loft and hogging his fabulous bed and dampening his fabulous artistic creativity. He testily holds up Helena’s jacket – remember they switched coats so Olivier wouldn’t know Helena was under the fabric hood – and snaps that they need to get rid of it because it smells like ‘low tide’. HELLO. CLUE. Art needs to hire Felix ASAP.
Sarah’s pink clone cell phone rings: it’s Alison. She’s not happy about what’s going on and says she needs a break from the clones. Oh, and she’s divorcing Stupid Donnie. (YES GOD YES) Alison declares that she can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone else helping to get rid of her liars and spies. Sarah doesn’t want her to jump to conclusions about thinking the neighbour Aynesley is her Monitor but even as she says it guess who’s using a set of keys to open Alison’s door? Nosy ole Aynesley. That bitch.
Alison hangs up and peeks around the corner, watching as Aynesley picks up the mail off an endtable and holds it up to the light in an attempt to read what’s inside. Alison asks what she’s doing but Aynesley plays it cool. Just here to water the plants and not to snoop. Alison doesn’t believe one word coming out of her lying mouth. Myself, I’m really tired of typing ‘Aynesley’. It’s hard to remember how to spell it.
Kira is drawing a really great picture of a mermaid. Does it symbolized Helena? Sarah? Darryl Hanna? I don’t know, I suck at symbolism. There’s a knock at the door and she’s keen to open it but Mrs. S stops her as it’s not smart to do that. Kids are dumb. When Mrs. S sees it’s two detectives she firmly orders Kira upstairs before she opens the door.
Art and Angela want to know if she’s the legal guardian of Sarah Manning. PANIC. PANIC AS HARD AS YOU CAN.
Roll the opening sequence!
Mrs. S has been told by Art and Angela that Sarah’s dead. She’s secretly relieved to hear this happened two weeks ago so Sarah isn’t actually dead. Again. They want to know if Sarah had problems with women, if she lived here, does she have a sister? Mrs. S has never heard of a sister. Mrs. S is playing it cool.
Cosima and Sarah are butting heads over Dr. Leekie and Neolutionism again. Colisma is really getting into it as it has ‘profound implications’ for what Coisma does…whatever that means. Sarah says it’s bullshit. This offends Cosima more and when Sarah points out that the Neolutionism peeps threw a black cloth bag over her head Cosima claims it was mistaken identity because they thought she was the clone killer. Then Cosima has the gall to get mad at Sarah for siccing Helena on their ‘creators’. Wow, Cosima. Wow.
Felix gets mad at that. He stops making the bed for a moment (the bed that used to hold Hot Paul rowr) and snaps that it’s Cosima’s fault they’re in this mess because she claimed their DNA was exact but Dr. Leekie still figured out she wasn’t Beth from the medical tests. Cosima stands by her statement that their DNA is exact and basically says Sarah’s a bitch so that’s why they knew. Felix gets even more awesome and demands Sarah hang up on the Skype call, claiming that Cosima is now a ‘Freaky Leekie’. Sarah slams her computer shut. That didn’t go well.
Felix points out that Alison still needs help. You know, divorce can make people really sad and/or crazy. Sounds like he’s dealt with a lot of divorcing husbands trying to ‘find themselves’. Felix also agrees with Alison: Aynesley’s her Monitor. For sure.
Speaking of, Aynesley’s sitting on Alison’s couch, trying to talk and be supportive and find out juicy stuff while Alison glares at her. Alison throws out that Aynesley asks a lot of questions. Ask ask ask. Aynesley regroups and smiles, offering to coach figure skating tonight since the kids are at Grandma’s. Alison needs ‘me time’. Alison counters that suggestion with asking for her house keys back. Aynesley says she won’t abandon Alison. She reluctantly hands the keys over and when she tries to snark a little Alison just closes the door in her face.
Delphine meets Dr. Leekie in his car for a quick secret meeting. He’s pleased to hear that Cosima made a pass at her. He claims Cosima is in danger, as are the other subjects. There’s a direct threat so dig deeper, faster. Now get out of the car.
Helena’s chilling in the boat after a long night of rave dancing. She seems to be addicted to…sugar. Numerous empty packets litter the ground next to her as she tosses another one back. She’s still wearing Sarah’s coat and finds a letter from Kira tucked away inside an inner pocket. It’s addressed to ‘Mummy’ and the address is in Myrtle Beach, back when Sarah was still pulling scams with Vic the Dick.
Helena reads the sweet letter aloud:
I miss you. Mrs. S says you are in the sunshine. Please come home.
Inside are two cute pictures of Kira being cute.*HELENA’S HEART SWELLS WITH STRANGE LOVE FEELS*
Felix and Sarah are still hiding out at his place, being siblings. Sarah keeps putting her socked foot on Felix’s face and he keeps laughingly knocking it away. These two are just the best brother-sister team ever.
Beth’s cell phone rings (seriously, who’s paying these cell phone bills?) but it’s Art and Sarah has no intention of answering, just like in episode one. Poor Art. Sarah continues sticking her foot in Felix’s face with lots of giggles until their horseplay is interrupted by Felix’s door opening. They both look up with twin expressions of ‘oh shit’ and I am still left to wonder why Felix doesn’t lock his door? I mean, I rarely lock my door and I live in the murder capital of Canada BUT I also don’t have any clones or killers or detectives or Dr. Leekie after me. Or do I??
Mrs. S strides in and she’s pissed that she had to talk to detectives Art and Angela about some dead woman in a quarry that they said was Sarah. Felix tries to lighten the mood and offers mimosas and Mrs. S shouts at him to sit down and shut his gob. Felix is cowed.
Mrs S wants to know what’s going on but Sarah tells her she doesn’t want to lie to her and won’t say anything yet. Mrs. S accepts that and reassures them the detective know very little. She says the moment any of this comes close to Kira they all burn their lives to the ground and get outta dodge. Sarah agrees wholeheartedly.
Back at the station, the facial reconstruction is ‘coming along’. Thanks for the update, Angela. Art comes in and breaks some more crazy news: Sarah Manning is dead by train two days before Jane Doe was shot…so Jane Doe can’t be Sarah Manning…they have a headache. They throw around words like twins and triplets and guess who walks in? It’s Sarah in full Beth mode, saying she got Art’s messages and asking if this is a bad time. Dun dun duuuun.
Sarah plays dumb about everything. She has no idea about anything. Angela smugly holds Sarah’s old mugshot right up to her nose. Sarah plays dumber, asking, “Who the hell is this?” Art is still trying to defend her and lamely puts it out there that everyone has look-alikes…Thanks for the help, Art.
Angela is all over Sarah and accuses her of hiding the fingerprint results. Sarah asks if she can see Sarah Manning’s file and Angela gleefully points out that ‘Beth’s’ a civilian now so nada. Sarah looks at Art with doe-eyes and sadly asks if she needs to lawyer up. Art tries to be strong and says, “I don’t know. Do you…?” in a detective sorta way. Sarah tosses her mugshot on the desk and walks out.
Big mistake. Art immediately grabs it with a cloth and Angela hold out an evidence bag. They’re gonna get ‘Beth’s’ prints run ASAP. RUH-ROH!
Alison shows up to coach the figure skaters only to find Aynesley dressed in the coaching outfit too. She hears Chad arguing with Aynesley, pointing out that just cause she’s wearing the outfit that doesn’t mean she knows what she’s doing. Aynesley rudely tells him to go play with his dumbells and I can’t imagine a crappier marriage.
Alison is determined to coach and Aynesley is just as determined to not let her. Alison tells her that if she’s going to mess with her life, Alison’s going to mess with hers. She storms off.
Chad’s sitting in his minivan, getting high. He sees Alison coming and tosses it out the window. He begs Alison not to narc him out to Aynesley about this. Instead of ratting him out, Alison picks it up and takes a big drag. Chad’s shocked when she asks if he’s got anymore. They proceed to get very, very high and very, very flirty. Alison is clearly the aggressor and looks Chad right in the eyes and says, “I bet you could bench press me. I bet you could bounce me like a ball.” Chad tries to play it cool and backs off a bit. Just a bit. But not much, cause he immediately crumbles when Alison says, “I’m objectifying you. Sexually. To get back at Donnie.”
“I should really have a problem with this,” Chad says, weakly, and SEATBELT OFF! They are making out, wildly, the horn honking from Alison’s butt hitting it. HAHAHAH
Hey, remember Olivier? He’s up in a hospital, face down, recovering from being de-tailed in a bed that looks similar to a massage table. There’s a mirror set up under the bed so Olivier can see people when they lean over to talk to him. He looks completely ridiculous. How quickly our sinister, mysterious Olivier has deteriorated into this clown of a man.
Paul comes over to visit/mock/threaten. He shows Olivier’s cell phone to him and let’s him know Dr. Leekie texted and is on his way. Olivier grits his teeth in hatred and says that Paul is crazy for conspiring with two clones. Paul is loving it, throwing out his name, “Oh, Olivier Duval.” He rubs it in Olivier’s face that he was stupid enough to blackmail an ex-military intelligence guy to do his dirty work. Too bad Olivier’s real name is Kevin, from Wenatchee, Washington. Oh, and to the surprise of NO ONE, he has a bunch of unsavoury sex warrents. Olivier tries to play it cool and says the agency knows all this but Paul sighs that the police don’t. Oh, snap.
Paul uses that threat. He’s going to make Olivier tell Dr. Leekie there was only one clone at the club that night. Beth. Sarah was never there.
Delphine shows up at Cosima’s door. Cosima apologizes for hitting on her and says she will just be an awesome science friend. Delphine comes in and starts talking about Dr. Leekie and his science department and this science talk gets Cosima very excited. Speaking of excited, Delphine suddenly throws out that she can’t stop thinking about their kiss. What? Way to give out conflicting signs, Frenchie. Cosima immediately jumps on the chance and has Delphine’s clothes off in record time.
Speaking of s-e-x, one the the soccer moms walks by Chad’s minivan and sees it’s totally rockin’ She doesn’t come knockin’, but scurries away. “You’re in the end zone! You’re in the end zone!” Alison moans as Chad shouts, “YES!”
Hours later, Alison is driving home, singing one of my most-hated songs, “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed!” However, it works perfectly in this and Alison is making me laugh so I will forgive.
Alison’s close to home when Aynesley walks in front of the van. Alison stops as Aynesley screams how their friend saw her screwing her husband and everyone knows!!!! Alison is unapologetic and rolls down her window to taunt her that she should pay more attention to Chad and less to her. Aynesley yells that Alison has no idea who she’s dealing with and marches over as they exchange insults. She reaches through the window as Alison tries to roll it up and a slap-fight starts and ends with Aynesley grabbing Alison by the hair and smashing her face into the steering wheel. “HA!”
Alison is furious and gets out of the van to open a can of whupass on Aynesley right there in their neighbourhood street.
Art and Angela pop into the morgue. Colin’s there, eating a banana and probably dreaming of the afternoon delight he had with Felix and Felix’s sex robe. They tell him they need info on the Sarah Manning suicide. Colin pulls up the picture of the corpse and the detective just about crap their drawers when another woman who looks just like Beth is shown. Then Colin just about craps his drawers when they ask for the name and address of the person who identified the body.
As soon as they leave Colin calls Felix, panicked, and warns him they’re on their way. Felix frantically hides the paintings of Alison and Cosima behind a pile of other paintings as he and Sarah try to decide what to do. There’s a knock on the door and Sarah and Felix are both about to crap their pants but lo and behold, it’s just a very dishevelled Alison holding a mostly empty bottle of wine. “Bad things have happened to me,” she says in a sad little voice. I love that she went to Felix in her time of need. If the cops weren’t on their way I bet he’d stroke her hair and listen to her woes and give her a makeover and paint her portrait as a sexy home-wrecker and say smartass quips and whip up some bellinis and make everything better.
Since they can’t do that, Sarah takes Alison with her and as they drive Alison confesses about Chad. Sarah is impressed with Alison’s spunk and is pleased to hear she kicked Aynesley’s ass…kinda. Alison confesses that she doesn’t really want to divorce Stupid Donnie; she’s tired of lying to him and to her kids. Both clones don’t think they can continue to lie and cover up anymore. Sarah isn’t sure if Art’s going to throw her in jail or if Cosima’s going to rat her out to the Neolutionists. She wonders if they should just tell everything.
Meanwhile, Helena’s tripping out on too much sugar. She’s staring at Kira’s pictures, mumbling, “I miss you Mummy. I miss you Mummy.” She reads the return address on the envelope, memorizing it.
Dr. Leekie shows up at the hospital as Paul’s going over the plan again: only Beth was there. The security footage has been modified and won’t show Sarah, only Helena…who Olivier will call Beth. Got it? Dr. Leekie walks in and Paul switches to concerned friend mode, telling Olivier not to blame himself, how could he know? Olivier slides his eyes over to Dr. Leekie and bemoans his lack of tail. Dr. Leekie tells him to shut up. Looks like Olivier is no longer in the Neolutionism’s caring embrace.
Delphine and Cosima are laying in bed and Delphine is weeping. Cosima is concerned but Delphine assures her she cries after sex with boys too. Instead of being disturbed like any normal person would be after hearing this Cosima seems to think it’s cute. Wait, what?
Delphine asks for ice cream so Delphine hops out of bed to go to the store. Wait, what? You’re gonna leave the person you know is your Monitor alone in your apartment? O-kay…She happily leaves and Delphine barely waits for the door to close before she’s frantically rifling through everything. She finds Cosima’s hidden clone papers. Her expression becomes more and more shocked as she looks through. There’s a hard drive with science stuff, passports, and what seems to be most important: a family tree of sorts with all the known clones, that shows Sarah has a child. Delphine covers her mouth in dismay.
Olivier tells Dr. Leekie everything Paul told him to like a good little boy: Helena killed Beth and took over her life. Paul saved his life. Dr. Leekie smiles over at Paul, “Welcome to the big picture.” Paul plays it cool and answers, “Yes sir!” Looks like Paul’s still on staff.
The doctor kicks them out; visiting hours are over. Dr. Leekie comes over and looks in Olivier’s mirror, telling him to ‘just rest…and heal’. That doesn’t sound ominous. They leave the room.
Delphine calls Dr. Leekie as they are walking and he excuses himself for a moment. Delphine makes him promise her that he won’t hurt Cosima and she will be safe. He assures Delphine he is protecting Cosima. Delphine tells him Cosima is researching not only herself but is aware of eight others, some of who are dead. Dr. Leekie needs names, confirming each one with a short, “Yes” as she reads them: Janika Zingler, Danielle Fournier, Aryanna Giordano, Katja Obinger, Helena, Cosima Niehaus, Alison Hendricks, Beth Childs and Sarah Manning.
“Who’s Sarah Manning?” Dr. Leekie says, surprised. He wants to know if there’s anything else about Sarah Manning. Delphine lies and says no, not telling him about Kira. Well well well. She lies again, saying Cosima is coming and she has to go. She quickly hangs up and drops the phone with a big sigh.
Sarah goes to Mrs. S’s and she’s ready to tell her everything. Mrs. S is all ears but doesn’t expect Alison to come around the corner too. Especially a drunk, hilarious Alison. They sit at the kitchen table and have a drink as Alison and Sarah fill her in about the clones. Mrs. S takes it all in stride. Poor Alison, she’s so drunk and unhappy. All she wanted to do was say eff it! Eff it and eff you and she effed it all up! Mrs. S kindly shows her the guest room. Alison thinks she is lovely.
Art and Angela interview Felix, who confirms the photo of Dead Beth from the morgue is his sister Sarah. Who’s dead. Yes. Terribly shocking. No, no sisters. Art throws out a random, “Beth Childs” as he walks by Felix but Felix doesn’t bite. “Hmmm? Who’s that?” Suck it, coppers!
Art roams over to the piles of paintings and pulls out Felix’s painting of Alison the Soccer Mom. Felix explains it’s one of the many sides of Sarah from his series, “Twisted Sister.” Art and Angela call it a day and leave, telling Felix they’re sorry for his loss. But they don’t look sorry; they look like assh*les:
As soon as they leave Art stops Angela in the hallway. He knows something. Pulling out his cell he makes a call. Felix picks up. Art hangs up and tells Angela about the strange call he got last night about Beth, but that person hung up. He’d just called it back and it’s Felix. Angela wants to bring Felix in right now but Art wants to wait. This is why Art is a terrible detective.
Olivier’s snoozing when he feels a male nurse lift the blanket by his feet and run his hands down his heels. Annoyed, he asks him what he’s doing. The nurse asks if Olivier’s experienced any loss of sensation and when Olivier says he hasn’t the nurse pulls out a needle and gives him a shot right in one heel. Ow. The nurse tells him to get some rest…oh, and Dr. Leekie sends his regards. Olivier spits up a bunch of thick white foam and dies. Bye, Olivier! That’s what you get for being creepy.
Sarah and Mrs. S are back sitting in the kitchen now that Alison’s been tucked into bed. They’re talking about how Alison, Cosima and Beth’s mothers all wanted children and had in vitro. Sarah wonders why her mother gave her up. Mrs. S said there were rumours about some of the other kids they had in hiding, the ‘children of the black’ as they called them, were subjects of medical experiments.
As they chat, Kira wakes up and walks down the stairs to the front door.
Sarah brings up Carlton again, the man that brought Sarah to Mrs. S and begged her to hide Sarah. She wonders if he can be found and if he can tell her more. Mrs. S isn’t sure.
Kira senses something and moves the curtain away from the door, revealing a spooky Helena. She comes closer and the two touch hands through the glass. Helena smiles happily and looks at the lock. Kira obliges and opens the door for her. OMG.
Sarah eventually feels a draft and notices the door is open. She calls out to Kira and suddenly sees that Helena’s jacket, which was hanging there, is gone. She shouts that it’s Helena and races out the door in a panic, seeing Helena and Kira way, way down the street. She runs after them, screaming Kira’s name. I am in a state of panic as I watch. OMGOMG
Helena and Kira are holding hands and walking into an alleyway. When Kira asks where they’re going Helena tells her she’s taking her to meet someone. No! Don’t bring her to Thomas! He’s evil!
Sarah runs and runs. She can’t see them anymore.
Helena doesn’t understand how Sarah can have a child. She wonders how this can be. Kira tells Helena she’s just like her mom.
Helena: No I’m not. She’s not real.
Kira: Of course she is.
This makes Helena very sad and even more confused. She stops walking and crouches down. Kira says Helena’s name and Helena answers, “Yes, angel?” Kira asks her what happened to her and Helena breaks all our hearts when she tearfully says, “I don’t know…” and hugs Kira as she cries.
Sarah is close but isn’t able to see them in the alley. She shouts Kira’s name again and Kira hears, telling Helena she should go now. Helena nods, her eyes still full of tears, and lets her go. She asks if Kira knows the way and Kira gives a bright smile. “Of course!”
“Goodnight, angel.” Helena watches as she walks out of the alley to the sidewalk.
Kira calls out to Sarah and she turns to see Kira smiling and waving and crossing the street and she GETS HIT BY A CAR AND YOU SEE THE WHOLE THING AS SHE FLIES LIKE 8 FEET AND HITS THE GROUND AND OMGOMGOMG.
Sarah sobs out Kira’s name and runs to her. Helena, who’s also seen the whole thing, clutches the brick wall and shakes and bawls. F*CK YOU, THOMAS! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!
Guys. GUYS. Absolute utter horror. Even though I knew it was about to happen, when the car hit Kira it was so terrible that all I could do was freeze and cover my mouth in complete shock. I looked over at my two daughters who were also watching and one had the exact same pose that I did while the other’s mouth was dropped so far open the cat could’ve easily stuck her whole head in there. So, yeah, a pretty traumatizing scene that was perfect in it’s execution. This show is a master in making you feel emotion. I can’t believe there’s only two episodes left in the season; it’s just flown by. What am I going to do when it’s over and I have to wait for Season 2???