Orphan Black 1.09 – Unconscious Selection


So much lens flare. Someone went to see Star Trek!

So much lens flare. Someone went to see Star Trek!


Previously on Orphan Black: Art and his new partner Angela close in on Sarah. Alison got tired of Aynesley and her meddling Monitor ways so she revenge-banged Aynesley’s easy husband Chad. Alison and Aynesley fought in the street, like that old video game, Pacman. Ok, Street Fighter. I went all Mortal Comabat mode while they fought and kept screaming, “FINISH HER!” Alison got drunk and adorably showed up at Felix’s. Sarah took Alison to Mrs. S. and told her everything. Dr. Leekie sent Olivier his regards, which means Olivier is dead. Bye, Creepy! Cosima made sweet, sweet love to Delphine. To repay her for the incredible sex Delphine snooped in Cosima’s Clone File and told Dr. Leekie everything Cosima knows….except for the fact that Kira exists. See? Lesbian sex works every time. Helena found a sweet letter that Kira wrote to Sarah and used it to find Mrs. S’s house and got Kira to come outside. They walked and bonded. Kira touched Helena’s poor, achingly-lonely heart so she let Kira go instead of bringing her to Thomas for torture fun. Kira crossed the street without looking both ways first and was promptly ran the eff over. WE ALL SCREAMED. NOOOOOOOO KIRA NOOOO!



Sarah and Mrs. S are in an ambulance. The ambulance is racing down the street and inside the paramedics are working on an unconscious and bloody Kira as Sarah sobs and sobs. As soon as they get to the hospital Kira’s whisked into a room. Sarah isn’t allowed inside and she freaks out as the medical team shuts the doors and closes red curtains over the glass so they can’t see inside. Personally, I think red curtains were a bad choice for an emergency hospital curtain. How ’bout some soothing pastels instead? Sarah bangs on the glass and Mrs. S comforts her. I may have cried a little watching this because seriously, when Tatiana Maslany cries I cry. She could make a robot cry. The Terminator would shed a tear at this.

"Error. Error. Robots do not cry. Robots...do...not..."  *FIZZLE* *ROBOT EXPLOSION*

“Error. Error. Robots do not cry. Robots…do…not…” *FIZZLE* *ROBOT EXPLOSION*

The medical team immediately get to work, cutting Kira’s bloody shirt away and setting up an ultrasound to see what internal damages have occurred. It looks really bad.

Sarah, Mrs. S, Felix and Alison sit and wait. Sarah blames herself for leading Helena to Kira but Mrs. S won’t have it. Alison desperately wants to help by offering to get coffee but Felix pulls her aside to talk to her. Alison knows she’s in the way; she just can’t help but feel a bond to Kira, like that’s her own daughter in there. She also can’t go home. She’s worried that because she assaulted her Monitor Stupid Donnie, she’ll get ‘black bagged’ like Sarah did. As in, a black bag over the head and bye-bye forever Alison! Felix tells her to crash at his place because, as always, Felix is awesome.

In the ER room the nurse has run the ultrasound.  The doctor is looking at x-rays of Kira’s head and he is wearing his Most Serious doctor face. The nurse announces that the ultrasound is up and she tells the doctor he, “needs to see this.” The doctor looks over and the two of them exchange glances. What? What is it? They have an image of some body part up and to me it looks like there’s a rectangular thing in a stomach. Did she swallow a pack of Doublemint Gum? What is that? I’m convinced I’m right and Kira is special and the doctor’s are going to be all holy eff there’s something inside this kid wtf!!!!

The doctor pulls the red curtain aside and comes out to tell them that…Kira will be okay. Sarah asks what that means, exactly, and the doctor tells her Kira has no internal damage, no bleeding, no head trauma, no injuries…He’s stumped. I guess that ultrasound image wasn’t anything but a healed body part. Shows what I know. *tears up application to online medical school*

Sarah can’t believe it-she saw her get hit and how badly Kira got hurt. The rest of the gang is too relieved to question it and accepts that Kira was very, very lucky. They hug Sarah and bring Kira home.

Sarah sits in Kira’s room, watching Kira sleep. Kira sleep-mumbles, “Mummy. She looks like you. She looks like Mummy.” People need to listen to Kira more.

Downstairs, Sarah just can’t wrap her head around the fact that Kira is unharmed. Mrs. S says they got lucky and Felix points out that kids are made of rubber but Sarah knows something’s up. Mrs. S reminds her she has other things to take care of. Sarah nods. Helena has to go. (ME: NOOOOOOOOO!)

Speaking of Helena, she’s back on the boat with Thomas and she’s in a bad way, laying on her cot and freaking out. She’s desperate to be punished for what happened to Kira. She’s clutching the letter and rocking madly, slapping herself in the face. My heart is breaking. Breaking! Helena is so tragic. I just want to hug her. :(

Thomas sits with his hand over his eyes, disgusted by Helena’s distress and softness. He tells Helena it’s impossible for Kira to be Sarah’s daughter and angrily snatches the letter away from her. Helena tries to keep it but he walks away and reads it. She sits up. “The girl was hit by a car because of me.” Thomas doesn’t care because Thomas is an abusive insane deviant and is just mad that Helena let Kira go. Helena did what she was told and used Sarah to get to the others but Thomas crumples up the letter into a ball and throws it at her, screaming, “And where are the others!?” Helena grabs the letter and holds it close, saying that she cut off Olivier’s beast-tail for him, to get Dr. Leekie’s attention like he wanted. Thomas says Kira will be valuable to Dr. Leekie.

Helena’s phone rings and she fights and fails to keep Thomas from grabbing it, saying it’s Sarah calling. He hisses at Helena to tell Sarah to come here. She shakes her head no and he hisses it again, holding the phone to her face and pressing ‘answer’. When Sarah says Helena’s name she immediately asks if Kira’s alright. Sarah wants to tell her in person and asks where she is. Helena sadly says Kira getting hurt was an accident, holding the phone so Thomas won’t move it away before she says it. He angrily orders Helena to “tell her!” again and she looks up at him. Instead of tricking Sarah into coming to the boat Helena smacks the phone out of his hand and races after it, desperate to get there first but Thomas viciously slaps her in the face and knocks her down. Sarah can hear the abuse and hangs up, looking sickened. My heart breaks for Helena even more. My poor little baby clone.

Angela and Art are looking at a huge pile of pictures and evidence which includes a mugshot of a blonde Felix. Rowr! Angela has a dozen reasons to bring Beth back in and wants to charge her with obstruction. Art  is still fighting doing that. They keep arguing until Lieutenant Gavin walks up. Art shushes Angela and they stop talking like kids caught in the act. Lieutenant Gavin doesn’t notice their guilty faces because everyone in this station except Angela is the worst. He says they might need some help with this case and Art asks him to give them till the end of the day. Gavin wanders off and Angela accuses Art of holding back because Beth has something to hold over him. Art looks even more constipated than usual but says, “End of day, Angela” and walks off.

Dr. Leekie and Paul are at Paul and Beth’s place. Dr. Leekie is looking around at the pictures and says it all looks very convincing, but he knows that Olivier lied about there being only one clone at the club last night. Dr. Leekie has been searching for Helena for a very long time. He knows she could never fool Paul. Helena is like a wild animal, feral. No, Helena could never fool Paul, but someone else could. Someone like, say, Sarah Manning? Dr. Leekie looks smugly at Paul. Paul literally gulps. Dammit, Paul! Get your game face on!

Alison is in Felix’s loft, being Alison. This means cleaning. Lots and lots of cleaning. I love the elevator music they play as they show her doing the dishes, scrubbing his dirty tub, making the bed, cleaning his room. It’s hilarious. She literally has to look away as she cleans the toilet. It looks absolutely revolting, it’s so dirty. My toilet looks positively immaculate next to Felix’s.

Felix walks in as she’s finishing vacuuming and he looks around in surprise. He is not pleased. His expression as he scans the place is pure disbelief.

"What the hell?"

“What the hell?”

Alison asks if Kira’s going to be okay and Felix distractedly answers, “Yes. Miraculous recovery. Uh, where’s my…” He makes a smoking gesture towards his mouth.

Alison: *points* Your…drug paraphenalia is…in a drawer. So is the paraphenalia that was…by your bed.
Felix: Did you wash that too??

These two are my OTP FOREVER.

Since Alison consideres herself a danger to her family, the kids are staying at Grandma’s. She wants to use Felix’s loft as a place to stay while she apartment hunts. Felix refuses, collapsing on the couch and covering his face with a freshly-washed blanket. Since Donnie has arranged to be clear of the house for a few hours Alison wants to go and grab some necessities. Felix is already half asleep. He says Alison can stay one night only as long as she doesn’t wake him when she gets back. Alison sits on the couch next to him and begs him to come be her wingman. She can’t go there by herself; she’s a pariah in her own neighbourhood. Felix is exhausted from the stressful hospital all-nighter. He doesn’t want to go but he can’t resist Alison’s big brown eyes and sad little, “Please?”

“I need to change.” He waves one hand like the Queen ordering a lackey. “Fetch me something gay.” FELIX MARRY ME.

Sarah calls Cosima to tell her about Kira. Cosima is relieved to hear Kira isn’t hurt. Sarah hesitantly brings up the idea of Kira being different. Cosima wonders if Sarah passed something to Kira since Sarah’s genetically modified. She tells Sarah about the DNA sequencing tests comparing herself to the German that she has her guy friend running and offers to run one that compares Sarah to Kira. Sarah wants no part of that. She doesn’t trust Cosima’s involvement with Dr. Leekie, worrying that Cosima would hand that info over to him. Cosima is convinced she’s just following the science and has the Delphine/Dr. Leekie thing all under control since she knows they are trying to watch her. Sarah worries.

Paul shows up at Mrs. S’s with bad news: Dr. Leekie knows about Sarah. He wants to meet her and he also wants Sarah to bring him Helena. Sarah and Paul don’t trust him but Paul points out they can get answers. He says they should do it, safely, and on Sarah’s terms.

Thomas is punishing Helena for disobeying. She’s screaming, “Let go! Let go!” as he drags her into a room with a small cage. She kicks and fights, almost getting away by wriggling out of her jacket but Thomas catches her and roughly throws her inside. She’s obviously been locked in before because she’s utterly freaked. Helena presses up against the cage and reaches her arms out, entreating Thomas in a pitiful little voice, but he has no mercy.

Stop being mean to Helena!

Stop being mean to Helena!

He smashes his hand against the cage, scaring her into the corner, telling her she’s no better than the others. She leaps forward and screams in his face, wild with terror and anger. When he leaves she kicks at the cage wildly but she can’t get out. It’s horrible.

Scott, Cosima’s lab friend, shows up with his DNA comparison she got him to run and guess what? The DNA from Cosima and the German match…except they don’t.  Cosima is all sciencey-fascinated. Scott is curious about what she’s looking for but before he can ask more Delphine shows up and asks Cosima if it’s ok if she stops by her place later tonight. Cosima is all giddy and can’t wait. Delphine leans in for a hot kiss and Scott seriously almost creams his jeans, to use a classy expression. I only use classy expressions as I am a classy recapper.

Before Sarah can leave to meet with Dr. Leekie, Art calls. She tries to blow him off but he tells her this is her last chance. She makes an arrangement to meet and talk. She’s like, dude, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean, I just like how it sounds.

Alison and Felix walk into Alison’s living room and right into this scene from hell:

Welcome to your Intervention!

Welcome to your Intervention!

Donnie, his mother, a priest, Aynesley and two of the neighbourhood women and their husbands sit, waiting to begin. I can’t help but notice Chad isn’t there. Heh hehe heheheheh. Alison is mortified and proclaims this to be bullshit. Felix, always amazing, happily introduces himself.

Felix: Hello! Gay friend.
Alison: Acting coach.
Priest: Oh, that, that’s perfectly fine.
Felix: Which one?

The priest kindly invites Alison to sit and Donnie to start. Donnie does, telling Alison that the pills and drinking has to stop. The constant criticism, the abuse…The priest helpfully says that Donnie can be specific and I almost do a spit-take at Alison’s internal sigh. Donnie starts detailing getting hit with the golf driver, the hot glue on his chest…”It still hurts in the shower, Alison!” AHAHAHAHAH!

The nosy neighbours all make shocked faces as they hear the juicy details and I just want someone to punch Aynesley in her smug little stupid face, especially when she gets ‘her turn’ to speak during this ‘intervention’. THIS WHOLE SCENE NEEDS AIR QUOTES. Aynesley makes Alison look really shitty, saying she ‘took advantage’ of Chad (AIR QUOTE) and may have ruined her ‘marriage’. (AIR QUOTE) She says Alison threatened and ‘assaulted’ her (AIR QUOTE!! THE BITCH STARTED IT!)  but what hurts the most is that she turned her back on their ‘friendship’. (A BILLION AIR QUOTES) Alison barely refrains from stabbing Aynseley in the face. Barely.

Donnie’s Mom interrupts, wanting Donnie to tell Alison something, but he cuts her off. He tells Alison that this is about more than the two of them, it’s about the kids. He asks if she really wants to break up their family and I think he’s actually sincere. Alison almost bursts into tears and runs upstairs.

Sarah meets Art in a secluded quarry. This town is full of quarries. They speak to each other through open drivers windows. She gives Art two minutes. He starts by showing her Felix’s mug shot. Sarah plays dumb but Art calls her out, reminding her that she visited Felix the day she took the money out of Beth’s account and he stopped her from skipping town. Sarah narrows her eyes and plays hardball, using the Maggie Chen gun coverup on Art. Angela was right! She does have something on him. I kinda forgot about that. Art’s hurt that she’d throw that at him when he was trying to help his partner. Or maybe he’s still constipated, I really can’t tell. Art gives her one more chance to come clean but Sarah’s all, “Bitches say what?” and drives off. She has bigger fish to fry.

Helena’s still locked in the cage and still pretty upset about it. She keeps kicking the cage door but it’s too strong and she falls to the ground in sadness. Suddenly she notices a small crowbar up against the far wall. She immediately gets to work and removes her belt and boot laces to form a makeshift lasso and starts trying to get it.

Sarah pulls up to a secluded construction office trailer. She’s meeting Paul and Dr. Leekie there. Cosima calls her with some news: Sarah was right, their DNA isn’t exactly the same and that’s how Dr. Leekie knew she wasn’t Beth. Cosima’s tests confirmed it. Even though they should all be genetically identical it looks like they all have their own little differences. Cosima compares it to a sort of bar code to tell them all apart. Cool.

Sarah still doesn’t know how Dr. Leekie found out about her and asks Cosima if she told Delphine about her. Cosima absolutely denies it but immediately goes and pulls her Clone File out from it’s hiding spot and starts checking  it while they talk. No one wants the Neolutionists to know about Kira.

Paul brings a blindfolded Dr. Leekie to the construction office trailer to meet Sarah. Dr. Leekie is thrilled to finally meet her. Sarah wants him to answer lots of questions but Dr. Leekie only knows his own part. He collects data and is in charge of their well being. He is fascinated by her and tries to touch her hair but Sarah isn’t ok with that and smacks his hand away. He isn’t fazed and repeats that he looks after her. Well, not Sarah, actually, cause she got away.

Sarah wants to know the big answer to the big question: why? What is the clone experiment all about? Of course Dr. Leekie won’t answer that just yet. He wants something first: Helena. Paul asks who Helena’s ‘Thomas’ is and Dr. Leekie says he’s part of a religious extremist group called ‘Prolethians’ that opposes the Neolutionists. Maggie Chen, a Prolethian, infiltrated the Neolutionists and found Helena in the convent. She brought her to the Prolethians and trained her to be a clone killer. Dr. Leekie wants Helena brought to him so they can ‘deprogram’ her. Hmmm. That doesn’t sounds scary at all.

Dr. Leekie promises that if he gets Helena then the clones can find out all they want AND have their lives free to live, without Monitors. He points out that the clones have always had their lives undirected, only monitored. Helena, however, has had it much worse in the Prolethian’s care. Eeeesh. I can’t help but agree.

Delphine arrives at Cosima’s place, all excited for more lady-kisses but instead finds lady-tears and anger. Cosima is on to her, even more than before. She knew all of the circumstances of the two of them meeting was a setup, and that Delphine was her Monitor, but she always thought Delphine was on her side. Delphine desperately tries to tell Cosima she is on her side, she cares, she’s scared and trying to help because Cosima’s in danger. Cosima asks what kind of danger and Delphine has to admit she doesn’t know. Wrong answer, Delphine. Now you look like an idiot. Cosima is furious with her.

Alison’s locked herself in the bathroom and the three ‘friends’ are standing with Felix outside the door. The bitchiest one knocks on the door and yells that Alison’s only making it worse. She’s the same one that was mad about the lack of crackers for the cheese tray during the monthly potluck and she’s just as horrid now as she was then. Alison tearfully shouts back that she only wants to talk to FELIX! Felix looks smug and pushes between them all, rubbing it in their faces with his smirking. HAHA FELIX I LOVE YOU. The three women are livid.



Alison tells Felix that this is all Aynesley’s fault, this is part of her experiment. Felix agrees. Alison grabs some pills and pours herself two and for a moment you think Felix is about to scold her when he says, “Heeey!” but he just wants sharesies. She pours two out for him and they both pop them down, giving each other small grins. Alison sadly asks him what she should do. And this is yet another shining moment within a shining moment for the two of them; Felix holds out his hands, Alison puts hers in his, and she listens to his advice: Put your chin up and be a woman. This is backstabbing 101! She’s going to stand up to them, play possum, let Aynesley think she’s won, and live to fight another day. Then he helps her with her makeup so she will look fantastic when she faces the intervention again. Seriously, why isn’t Felix in my life too?

Helena’s still trying to get that crowbar over. She finally nabs it and pulls it down…for it to promptly fall into a large grate. Helena is pissed about this. She’s all “what the f*ckity-f*ck do I do now” when lo and behold, her cell phone rings from inside her coat. Her coat is on the chair in the room so she sets her lassoing skills towards it, panting and grunting like the wild thing she is.

It’s Sarah who’s calling, and when Helena doesn’t pick up she hangs up in frustration. She tells Mrs. S that she’s not really sure giving Helena over to Dr. Leekie, as she sees herself when she looks at her. Mrs. S  only cares that Helena went after Kira and has no sympathy for Helena because you don’t mess with Mrs. S. Mrs. S got in touch with her ‘people’ back in England and they might have some information, but they sounded scared. Something’s happening down there, fo sho.

Cosima starts packing a suitcase, crying and saying how she’s been an idiot to trust Delphine. She wants to know what else Delphine told Dr. Leekie. Delphine insists she hasn’t said anything else, like, you know, about Kira. If she thought that would make Cosima believe her she was wrong, especially when she calls Kira an ‘anomaly’. After all, no one has ever heard of a clone having a child. Cosima begs her not to use Kira. Delphien insists she won’t but Cosima’s had enough and screams at her to get out. Delphine begs her to believe that she loves her, she’s never even been with a woman before. Cosima gets cold and says the meanest thing she can think of, “Yeah. It showed.” Oooooh, burn. This makes Delphine leave. Cosima sobs as the door closes.

Art is walking up the platform where Beth jumped. He looks up and sees the security camera. I can only assume he skipped the class when they said, “Hey. There’s often security footage of stuff. Be sure to watch the tapes.” Maybe he went to buy a sweet electric razor so he could maintain his pretty beard instead of attending  detective school that day. I dunno. However, he’s here now and he’s watching the tapes from all the different angles and ohhhhhh sheeeeeeet, he sees that it was Beth that jumped and Sarah Manning saw it and took Beth’s purse. Art realizes he’s been played. ART IS ANGERED. NO MORE CONSTIPATION FACE FOR ART.

Helena manages to drag the chair over with her lasso and immediately calls Sarah, shakily telling her she’s the only one she can turn to. My heart, it is breaking. BREAKING. Sarah, help Helena!

Sarah calls Paul, who brings over his trusty gun. Paul and Mrs. S say Helena is setting up a trap and they want Sarah to turn Helena over to Dr. Leekie. Sarah doesn’t know what to do. If she gives Helena over then she’s partners with Dr. Leekie and he’ll find out about Kira. She needs a minute to think and stomps upstairs to check in on Kira, who’s finally awake. Hey, doctors, are people who’ve had head trauma supposed to sleep for hours and hours? Pretty sure they aren’t, but I’ll just shut up.

Kira’s still sleepy and tired but she’s okay. She says the accident wasn’t Helena’s fault; she just went outside to play with her. Sarah tells her that Helena’s sick in the head and wants to harm them. She wants Kira to stay away from her but Kira insists Helena needs their help. Sarah says she doesn’t think anyone can help Helena now. Kira gives her a look far too old for a little girl.

Sarah comes back downstairs. Paul and Mrs. S are in the kitchen and can’t see Sarah sneak Paul’s gun out of his pocket and tiptoe out. GO SAVE HELENA, SARAH!

Alison, nicely made up and composed, is back in the intervention. The neighbour that saw her and Chad in the van is talking, saying how her kids saw it all too. Aynesley cuts in, being all fake-caring and says she wishes Alison could understand the damage she’s done cause they all trusted her. Alison looks at her and says that Aynesley brought all these people here today. Aynesley still plays it cool, pretending that she did it cause she cares so much about Alison. Alison continues, pointing out that Aynesley called everyone here and told them all the details. Aynesley acts like she’s trying to help her. Alison thanks her…thanks for watching her every move, prying, snooping, treating her like a lab subject. Then Alison turns the tables on Aynesley, asking her how she’d like it if Alison told all these people her private matters? Oh, like how Chad slept with the spin class instructor long before he slept with Alison, and that maybe Chad’s a total douche to Aynesley because Aynesley BLEW THE ROOFER AT THE CABIN!!!!! Alison screams the past bit out and the nosy neighbours all cover their mouths in fake shock to hide their glee at hearing the juicy gossip. It’s freaking awesome.

The priest tries to get everything back under control but Alison shouts him down, telling him there will be no more words. And guess what? Donnie stands up and becomes a man, agreeing that this has gone too far. He kicks everyone out and I forgive him entirely and promise to never call him Stupid Donnie again. As the neighbours file past Alison they touch her shoulder in silent support – but not Aynesley. She stands before her and nastily tells Alison that burning the olive branch was a huuuuge mistake, then storms out. Alison takes a deep breath and turns around to look at Felix sitting on the stairs.

Felix: That went very well.
Alison: I think that went well.
Felix: Yeah.

Alison really did fetch Felix something gay to wear

Alison really did fetch Felix something gay to wear

Sarah’s on the boat, looking for Helena. She finds her still locked in the small cage. Helena’s first question is for Kira, wanting to know if she’s okay. Sarah tells her she’ll never see Kira again. Helena whispers that she’d never hurt Kira but Sarah can’t trust Helena. She pulls out Paul’s gun and aims it at her head. Helena submits. “Do it,” she says, dully. NO SARAH NO! Thankfully Sarah hears me screaming at the television and turns away. She can’t do it. Helena is thrilled that she can’t hurt her because Helena knows they have a connection, just like she’s always said.

Sarah lets Helena out of the cage, telling her to stay back, but Helena slowly approaches her like a scared, hurt little animal. “You…are all I have now,” Helena tells her, timidly coming closer and closer. Sarah doesn’t seem to know how to react and Helena cautiously hugs her, declaring, “I love you!” in a broken little voice. I AM DYING YOU GUYS MY HEART IT CAN’T TAKE THIS SADNESS.

The door opens, interrupting them. Helena grabs the gun out of Sarah’s hand and whirls towards it. It’s Thomas, of course, because he’s evil. Sarah takes a step forward and Helena whirls around again, pointing the gun briefly at her. Sarah quickly steps back and Helena whips back around to Thomas, almost like she’s confused and fighting with herself on who to point the gun at.

Helena shouts that Thomas can’t hurt Sarah’s daughter and Thomas starts up with his mind games again, saying that he’d never hurt an innocent child. In a soothing voice he reminds Helena that she is the light, and really, if you think about it, the child is rightfully Helena’s daughter, right? Right?

Sarah is frightened at that and jumps in, shouting that Thomas is lying. There’s no original! They’re the same. Helena keeps turning back and forth between the two, confused and wild-eyed.

Thomas shouts at Helena to put Sarah down. They’ll bring the child home, to her real mother. At that, Sarah’s voice changes as she calls Helena’s name. She’s gentle, telling Helena she feels the connection between them too. Thomas hisses that Sarah will say anything to save herself and Sarah shouts, “He locked you in a cage! He lied to you your entire life! He’s going to do that to Kira! He’s going to hurt Kira like he hurt you!

This was the right thing to say. Helena would never let Thomas hurt Kira. Never. She lowers her arm and turns back to look at Thomas, who tilts his head and smiles at her sweetly. Helena mirrors him, tilting her head and smiling back. “You made me this way,” she says softly. Sarah reaches over and takes the gun from her limp hand right before Helena loses it and attacks Thomas, leaping on him like a howler monkey with the rage virus. She knocks him to the floor, managing to pin his arms with her legs, and starts punching and beating him. When she starts trying to poke his eyes out with her thumbs Sarah decides enough’s enough and knocks Helena out with the gun.

Sarah zipsties Helena’s arms behind her back and locks Thomas in the cage, telling him she just might give him over to Dr. Leekie. She leaves with a still-groggy Helena and locks her in her trunk. Just as she’s about to drive over to give Helena to Leekie, Mrs. S calls, telling her she needs to get down to her place immediately, and to bring Helena. No time to explain over the phone! Sarah drives off to Mrs. S’s as Helena, still in the trunk, calls out to Sarah in a sad little voice. My poor little baby. I will hug you, and then we’ll fight my enemies together, and then we will go home and I’ll make you a homecooked meal with lots of sugar, just the way you like it.

Paul drives Dr. Leekie to meet Sarah. They pull up to the construction office trailer and Dr. Leekie gets out, excited to finally get Helena. Well, guess who’s not coming, suckah?

Speaking of suckah, Art’s about to get steamrolled by his so-called partner. Angela’s got all the evidence spread out on a desk and she’s showing Lieutenant Dan Gavin everything.

Dr. Leekie gives up on waiting for Sarah to bring him Helena and leaves the office trailer. Paul’s standing at the car, looking like an idiot because he doesn’t know why Sarah’s not showing. Thanks, Sarah, he’s probably thinking. Thanks for making me look like an idiot. There’s been a lack of sexing with Paul in this episode and I do not approve.

Dr. Leekie walks away a few steps and calls a mysterious woman in a high-rise office. She’s standing with her back to us, looking out the huge ceiling to floor windows at the city and she’s dressed in a smart and stylish manner. We never see her face as she answers the phone. When Dr. Leekie tells her Helena is a no-show she says cooly, “Blood is thicker than you think, Aldous,” and hangs up, like a mo-fo would. Is this another clone oooooooooh?

Art walks in to the police station to find Lieutenant Gavin practically pissing himself as he looks at the pictures of Sarah Manning and Beth Childs. Art can’t believe Angela betrayed him like that but that’s why Art is the worst detective in the world. Of course she was going to. Lieutenant Gavin tells Art they’re getting an arrest warrant for Beth Childs and Art gets his badass reveal moment: “Lieutenant. Beth’s dead. You  need a warrant for Sarah Manning.” DEEDLE-BONG!

Sarah shows up at Mrs. S’s, leaving Helena in the trunk. Guess who’s there waiting for her? HER BIRTH MOTHER. And to make the twist even twistier, she’s black. Apparently, when she was very young and new to the country, she was recruited to legally carry a wealthy couple’s child via in virtro. But she quickly grew suspicious at the excessive amount of testing, saying it was not normal. Plus, she overheard the couple talking creepy about evolution, plus they weren’t a couple, plus they were scientists. She knew they child she carried was in danger so she fled and hid and gave birth to the two of them in secret – wait what. What? Two? TWO? Oh, I know where this is going. *jumps up and down and claps hands*

Twins. She hid them away, one to the state and one to the church. HELENA.

*Dramatic chord*


I can’t believe there’s only one episode left in the season! How will I live? How???