Previously on Orphan Black: Kira was hit by a car, like, totally badly, but don’t worry, she’s fine. I’m pretty sure there was something in her stomach but the doctors didn’t say boo about it. Helena got locked in a cage by horrible Thomas and Sarah rescued her. Helena tried to kill Thomas for being evil. Alison walked into an intervention. Felix helped her stand up to them all. Cosima found out Delphine is a big fat liar and dumps her. Art finally figures everything out. Kinda.
It’s the season finale, guys! And what a finale! I can’t take all the heartbreak this episode dished out. I am officaly heartbroken. Sigh. Well…here’s the recap…please enjoy it. I’ll just be over there, in the corner, weeping silently but beautifully. Yes, beautifully.
The birth mother Amelia wants to see Helena, who’s currently tied up in the basement. Geeze Sarah, c’mon. My poor Helena. Mrs. S is less than thrilled about this, saying that birth mother isn’t entitled to put everyone at risk, plus Helena’s kinda dangerous. Sarah overrules her. This isn’t a cheer-ocracy Mrs. S. Sarah’s a cheer-tator and she’s letting birth mom see her crazy baby. Birth mom triumphantly slides past Mrs. S to go to the basement and the two women shoot dagger glares at each other as she goes by. Fierce.
Helena’s zip-tied to a beam in the unfinished basement. She overhears Amelia tell Sarah that she has to tell her something about her invitro treatments, but she wants to do it away from the house, in private. Sarah agrees and leads her over to Helena, introducing her as her birth mother. Helena looks over at her and gives a small, crazy laugh. “How can you be my birth mother?”
Upstairs, Mrs. S is snooping through Amelia’s bag. She pulls out an old picture and stares at it, worried. It’s a picture of a male and female scientist standing in some sort of military lab, judging from the soldier with the rifle standing in the background. Subtle, Orphan Black. Subtle. More importantly, is it just me or does the female scientist look a little bit like a young Mrs. S? Im not sure but it could be. Kira startles Mrs. S as she’s looking, saying she thinks something bad’s going to happen again. As I’ve previously stated, people need to start listening to Kira.
Amelia tells Helena the egg she was implanted with split into two. She says that she hid the both of them because she felt they were in danger. Helena is fixated on the fact that Sarah is her twin sister. “I don’t want to be your sister, meathead.” Sarah snaps. I laugh. Sarah tells Helena she is not the original like Thomas said. They’re all just clones. She’s interrupted by banging coming from upstairs. It’s the coppers! RUN!
Sarah races upstairs with Amelia, leaving Helena tied up in the basement. Not sure how they’re going to explain that. Helena doesn’t dilly-dally and promptly starts escaping because as always, Helena is tough and wily. Her wrists get bloody as she struggles, pushing against another wooden post. I am assuming she’s going to push out a supporting beam and the house will collapse but no, it stays up. Damn.
Sarah pushes Amelia away from her and towards the dining room, ordering her to tell the police she was just visiting so they won’t suspect her of being involved. Art and Company break the door down and soon enough everyone has their hands on their heads. Sarah is handcuffed and led out as Kira watches from the stairs. Well. This can’t be good.
Helena jumps through the basement window without even bothering to open it first because that’s Helena’s style. Why open it when you can get all bloody and cut up? In Ukraine, window opens YOU.
Sarah’s cuffed to a table in the interrogation room. Art comes in and plays good cop/bad cop all by himself, starting tough and demanding. You stole Beth’s wallet after watching her commit suicide! Who’s the woman found in the quarry that looks just like you and Beth? We’ve got Felix in custody! Your daughter’s going to be very lonely without you! He’s all bad-copping up a storm.
Alison’s working out to Hip-Hop Abs and she’s super into it. The doorbell rings and she opens the door to find Dr. Leekie. He plays the nice guy as always, saying he wants to ‘make amends’. She frowns but lets him in to talk
Leekie has a contract for her. It guarantees protection, freedom, and ensures she will be un-Monitored. That catches Alison’s attention as she desperately wants everything back to normal. Dr. Leekie tells her that all she has to agree to is a twice a year non-invasive medical testing. He nonchalantly throws in the importance of it, given the German’s respitory disease and Helena’s mental illness, saying that regular testing is in everyone’s best interests. He wants her to think it over, discuss with Cosima and Sarah, and get back to him. Oh, and as a gesture of good faith, Alison’s Monitor has been lifted. Alison looks up at him with hope, saying, “She has?” Dr. Leekie just nods and smiles and then he slithers out. That slimy bastard! Don’t trust him, Alison! But instead, Alison reads over the contract.
Felix is at the station, sans eyeliner. Angela tells him he could get 2-5 years including his priors. Angela is playing hardball and Felix tries, and fails, to flirt with her. Angela is a Cylon because no one could actually resist Felix. No one.
Cosima gets off a bus with her luggage. She starts coughing and immediately spits up an alarming amount of blood, just like the German clone did. WHAT. That was fast. I am not pleased with this turn of events. Both Cosima and I are scared as she looks at her bloody hand. She wipes it away and starts walking again, only to find Leekie waiting at the depot for her. WTF, creeper? He wants to talk and offers to give her a lift to her hotel. Do not get into that limo, young lady.
Time for good cop! Art starts speaking softly, and plays the message Sarah left for him on Beth’s cell phone in case she died. You know, the one saying she’s not Beth, she’s Sarah Manning. Art basically does the “Help me help you” bit and Sarah starts crumbling. She’s teary and scared and makes him promise to protect Kira. Art does. Sarah’s just about to spill the beans on everything when a hotshot lawyer strides into the room. Sarah’s uncuffed and released. Art looks extremely constipated at this turn of events.
Cosima does not listen to my motherly advice and is dumb enough to get into a limo with Dr. Leekie and I have lost all faith in her intelligence. Dr. Leekie starts his pitch. He offers Cosima a high-paying job with the DYAD Institute, which is where they grow illegal clones and god knows what else. Cosima scoffs so Leekie sweetens the deal by giving her a hard drive of her complete sequenced genome so she can study herself and her sister clones. He asks her to think about it.
Sarah and Felix have been released from custody and Sarah has been taken to a high rise building. Hot Paul is there waiting for her and did I miss something cause Sarah is not happy to see him and his hot body, feeling betrayed that Paul’s still working for Leekie. Sarah, what is wrong with you? Can you not see how hot Hot Paul is?
Hot Paul isn’t pleased that she left him hanging and didn’t turn Helena over to Leekie. He’s still being blackmailed over his mysterious Afghanistan secrets. He asks her to listen to what they say. Sarah doubts that she even has a choice in the matter and leaves to meet up with a mysterious person in the distance.
She walks across the huge empty room to the person standing with their back to her. There is only that person and a desk. This company really doesn’t decorate it’s offices, does it. As Sarah walks up the person turns around and DUN DUN DUN! Remember when I said the person Dr. Leekie called could be another clone?
Her name is Rachel Duncan and she’s a stone cold fox, in a very thin, very professional, very proper businesswoman kind of way. She’s here to give Sarah the contract they’ve given to Cosima and Alison, and to ‘transition’ her into ‘self-awareness’. Whatever that means. Sarah will get all the answers to her questions if she signs. Rachel also plays the Kira card, saying she knows Sarah will want to make the right choices for her, and signing that contract will mean protection and being provided for. Sarah isn’t interested. Rachel gives her 24 hours to mull it over.
All the clones meet up at Felix’s. There’s some great camera/CGI work when Cosima arrives and hugs Sarah and again when Alison refills Cosima’s wine glass. Great job, effects team!
The clones discuss. Cosima wonders if she should take the job studying them in the DYAD Institute, thinking she might be most helpful from the inside. Sarah doesn’t think they should trust the new clone Rachel, who, it turns out, was raised by the Neolutionists. Cosima agrees, saying that she could be after Kira, the first child of a clone. Felix groans, calling Rachel a ‘Pro Clone’.
Alison just wants no more spies in her life and for her kids to be safe. She tells them she’s thinking of taking the offer. The other two are supportive. No judging anyone’s decisions.
Cosima gets a text. Delphine is in town and wants to talk to Cosima. Felix rolls his eyes and calls her a, “stupid needy bitch” because Felix is a snarky bitch himself and I love him for it. Sarah goes back to Mrs. S’s, advising the girls not to trust anyone.
Alison is back at home and taking out the recycling, There’s a lot of wine bottles in that blue box. In fact, I bet it’s all wine bottles. She sees a ‘SOLD’ sign in front of Aynesley’s house and can’t resist walking over to talk to her.
Aynesley is in the garage, packing. Chad has gotten his own place and she’s sold the house for a good profit. She can’t wait to get away from Alison and tells her to go home as she goes into the house to keep packing. Alison follows, demanding the truth, hoping to get Aynesley to admit she was her Monitor. Aynesley shouts that the truth is Alison screwed her husband and she’s moving because of her. She goes to a box that holds all the gifts Alison gave her through the years and pulls out a hideously ugly felt Christmas Angel. Alison yells that she made that Christmas Angel! Hahaha
Aynesley turns on the garburator and shoves the angel in it, furiously stuffing it down with a wooden spoon, all the while accusing Alison of turning everything on to her because she’s jealous of her, jealous because she’s barren and can’t have children. As she’s shoving the angel in deeper the ends of her scarf gets sucked into the garburator, trapping her. Alison watches in horror as Aynesley starts choking, begging Alison to help her. Alison runs to turn the garburator off but as she reaches for the switch she freezes.
Aynesley is gasping and gagging and convulsing and Alison just stands and watches her struggle until Aynesley finally dies. Alison creeps forward and pokes her a few times, nervously saying her name. Aynesley is deadsville. Alison anxiously leaves through the garage, wiping her prints and closing the door as she goes. What. The. F*CK. Alison?
Art and Angela find Sarah’s connection to Vic and track him down at a local AA-type meeting. They try to arrest him for an outstanding warrant for selling stolen meat. HAHA. He gives up any info he knows, telling them about the time she was ‘playing housewife’. This leads them to Alison’s.
Speaking of Alison, she’s in the kitchen, drinking what is probably her eighth bottle of wine for the day. She’s freaked out over standing by and doing nothing to help her ex-Monitor as she strangled to death in front of her and can’t even pretend to act normal and cut her coupons. She steps out onto her front porch and looks up and down the street, and at Aynesley’s house. Art and Angela are sitting in their car outside and know immediately she’s not Sarah. They’re all, COME ON WHAT ANOTHER ONE?
Sarah packs an emergency getaway bag for Kira. Kira says Sarah is back to keep them safe from Helena, and that Helena isn’t a real monster. Sarah tells her to keep the bag a secret, in case they have to leave. She doesn’t even want Mrs. S to know about it.
As Sarah is about to leave to meet up with Amelia, Mrs. S tell her to be careful. She’s upset and Sarah takes her hand comfortingly. Mrs. S is hiding something. I bet that IS her in the picture even though I have no idea how that would work.
Cosima is coughing up blood again. Felix asks if she’s okay and she covers, saying she’s fine. Delphine knocks on the door, wanting to see Cosima. Felix is perfectly bitchy to her but he leaves them to talk it out. Delphine is there to help, and says she’s on Cosima’s side now. She says that Leekie is a liar and bets that he scrubbed a sequence out of the genome list. Cosima looks and discovers she’s right. She wants to trust Delphine. Together they start going over the DNA, as Cosima is convinced there is a message hidden somewhere in there.
Sarah is at Beth’s place, meeting up with Amelia. She offers her a drink but Amelia just wants water. As Sarah pours from the sink Amelia sits and wonders how Helena and Sarah can be so different, like night and day. Sarah joins her and Amelia begins to warn her about Mrs. S, saying she’s not who she says she is. She has something for Sarah to see. Sarah gently puts her hand on Amelia’s wrist and softly says in an accented voice, “How…did scientists put babies inside you?” Amelia is confused by the question and I am screaming because holy sh*t snacks, that’s not Sarah. It’s Helena.
Helena stabs Amelia in the side and turns the blade for maximum pain and damage. Amelia clutches at her helplessly, pulling the wig off to reveal Helena’s blonde curls. “You gave me to them,” Helena says in a dead voice. “You let them make me this way.” She sits back and watches Amelia suffer, exhaling tiredly. NO HELENA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
Sarah, late to the stabbing party, arrives to meet up with Amelia and is greeted with a pile of blood and a dark haired wig. Helena calls her and tells her to come join them. Shiiiiiiiit.
Donnie walks into his kitchen to find Alison crying and shaking. She tells him she’s a horrible person. He thinks she’s talking about the intervention and tells her he is the terrible one, for letting them all into their home. This makes her cry, “Oh Judas Priest, what have I done?!” and this makes me giggle. Even as she faces the fact that she let Aynesley die right in front of her and didn’t stop it, she still can’t swear. Donnie tells her it doesn’t matter, that they can put it all behind her and Alison is so relieved that she jumps into his arms. They embrace tightly and my heart swells with love at Donnie’s support.
Delphine and Cosima are still going through the genome code, trying to decode it. Delphine knows Cosima’s tag number which turns out to be important. They run it through the decryption program and eventualy figure out to use binary and crack the encrypted codes. I have no idea what is happening here, except that this is a good breakthrough.
Sarah is in an abandoned warehouse, looking for Helena. She’s following a large trail of blood, and she’s pretty jumpy about it. She finds a blood-covered and barely alive Amelia propped up against a pillar and runs to her. Amelia hands her the picture of the scientists, struggling to say, “Your…foster mother…your…foster…mother.” Sarah flips the picture over and reads:
Profs ***** and *****
July 22, 1977
The names are blacked out and I am dying to know what LEDA stands for. Does this mean the woman scientist in the picture is Mrs. S? Wouldn’t Amelia just say that immediately? Wouldn’t Mrs. S let Sarah know more if she was involved Don’t you think Sarah and Mrs. S kinda look alike? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Helena shows up, breaking a flare and holding it out to her side. Amelia can’t hold on anymore and breathes her last breath. “I’m sorry, Mother isn’t very well,” Helena says, coming down the stairs to Sarah. Sarah is furious; she’d dreamt of her birth mother her entire life and Helena killed her. Helena bends down and closely looks at the dead Amelia. She spits on the dead body, saying she separated them, but now they’re together. Sarah says they’re not together, Helena is just some crazy bitch wearing her clothes. Helena looks down at her shirt, Sarah’s favorite, murmurs, “London Calling,” and headbutts her. Helena proceeds to beat the crap out of Sarah for a while, just cause. While choking her, Helena tells Sarah that the scientists made one little baby that split in two, and so she cannot kill Sarah, just as Sarah could not kill her. She throws Sarah to the ground and Sarah rolls over and points Paul’s gun at her.
Helena looks at her, confused. “Sarah. We make a family. Yes?” Sarah doesn’t agree and shoots Helena. NO. NO! NO SARAH! NOT HELENA! Why Sarah whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Helena dies, just like my heart. MY HEART IS DEAD SARAH. DEAD.
Cosima and Delphine are cracking into the genome codes and they’re about to find out something HUGE. I know this because dramatic music is playing, playing, playing.
Sarah is traumatized and sits next to Dead Amelia, weeping and shivering. Yeah, guess who else is traumatized? ME, Sarah. ME. Sarah pulls out her phone and calls the ProClone asking her if she can make sure Kira won’t have to live like this. ProClone Rachel looks smugly at her assistant and says they can arrange that. Sarah tells her she’s on her way over.
Alison signs the contract and faxes it over to ProClone Rachel. As she does she sees police lights flashing at Aynesley’s house.
Rachel gets Alison’s contract and tells her assistant, “Two down. Two to go.”
Donnie asks Alison what’s going on at Aynesley’s house and Alison turns away and lets all that ugliness go, saying it’s nothing that is their business. Donnie is in his track suit and says he’s going for a jog to get into shape for her. They kiss lovingly and he pops off to get fit. They are full of caring for each other.
Sarah goes to the high rise to see ProClone Rachel. She is defeated and her face is bruised and cut from the fight with Helena. (HELENAAAAAA NOOOOOOO WHYYYY) Paul is waiting for her. He is concerned about her injuries and tries to touch her but she rejects him. Hot Paul is more like Sad Paul. As they ride the elevator he tells her what they have on him: he was a private contractor in Afghanistan. He killed six marines. Friendly fire. They covered it up for him. He asks her, “If you’re born outside their control, then what do they have on you?” Good point, Sad Paul. Sarah thinks about it.
Cosima reads the code they’ve managed to crack and immediately calls Sarah, telling her they can’t make a deal. It’s all bullshit and they’re all liars. There’s a patent on them and it’s in the genetic sequence Cosima told her about before. Cosima say’s their bodies and biology belong to DYAD. Everything they do or become would belong to them. They could claim Kira.
Donnie does some deep knee bends and starts jogging…for about fours house lengths. Then he gets into the waiting limo and tells Dr. Leekie they’re back on track. “It’s the seven year itch. It’s not easy. She’s not easy.” DONNIE. DAMN YOU DONNIE YOU LIED TO ME! I suspected he was her Monitor but…not only does he not love Alison, he doesn’t even like her. And Alison let Aynesley die! OMG.
Sarah is not on the elevator when it opens. Instead, she emails Rachel: “UP YOURS, PROCLONE.” from her mobile. The dramatic music gets dramatic-ER. I start hyperventilating when ProClone Rachel coldly makes a call, “You know what to do.” WHAT? WHAT IS THAT PERSON GOING TO DO??
Cosima reads the decrypted code: “This organism and derivative genetic material is restricted intellectual property.” She sits back, defeated. With tears in her eyes she confesses to Delphine that she’s sick. She weeps and Delphine holds her tight.
Sarah wearily walks into Mrs. S’s, only to find the place has been trashed. She calls out for her, but no one’s there. Completely terrified, Sarah bolts up the stairs, shouting for Kira, but Kira’s gone baby, gone. She runs to the open window, screaming Kira’s name.
How’s that for a season ender, bitches? Tatiana Maslany and crew put out an amazing performance. All I can say is: