A body bag being dragged through a romantically lit house. Deep-fried phalanges peeking out from said body bag. That’s right folks, it’s time for a new episode of Supernatural!
Before we get into what can only be the inevitable return of Queen Abaddon, let’s catch up with the Winchesters. Now that Sam’s good to go, it appears he and Dean stopped for a picnic and a round of what-did-I-miss-while-I-was-comatose. Sam is interested in Castiel being newly human, but Dean isn’t trying to put definite labels on Castiel. He’s sorta-kinda-maybe humanesque; all the human vulnerabilities and zero angel abilities, but Dean’s not ready to accept him into the club. Sam is concerned about Castiel and whether he’ll be able to make it to the safe embrace of their bunker. Dean is less worried and figures the millennia of knowledge in Castiel’s brainpan should get him by just fine. They have Jaws-sized fish to fry; thousands of diasporic angels with authority issues and anger management problems.
Sam figures that they’ve at least got one less King of Hell to worry about, but he’s wrong. Dean thought long and hard about WWSWD and decided that what responsible Sam Winchester would do is Casino Royale the king’s testicles ‘til he tells them what they want to know. Huh. Sam was sure he woulda just killed the bastard, but Dean’s version of Sam works, too.
So where is Crowley? As Dean so eloquently puts it, Crowley is the junk in his trunk. Classy, Winchester.
Back to Abaddon’s resurrection. The demon that dragged her in slices his arm with a wince. Why is he wincing? Since when do meatsuits feel pain? And don’t demons get off on pain? What a wuss. But a useful wuss, because we now have our redheaded badass back.
Sam and Dean head home to the bunker where they discover that Kevin is sweaty, dirty and more than a little tightly wound after the angel rain shower. Rightly so! He’s been without technology or sustenance since shit went down and he’s apparently last on the need-to-know list. I’d give Dean the benefit of the doubt that Kevin’s phone wasn’t working, but, y’know, since Dean was too busy reading The Hunger Games to even try to call Kevin and tell him that they scrapped the plan that he worked so hard to help them execute, I’m thinking that the benefit is moot.
The Winchesters also didn’t seem to take how Crowley’s presence would effect Kevin into consideration. What I wanna know is, yes they bound and ear-muffed Crowley, but on what planet do they think that allowing the King of Hell into their legacy sanctuary was a good idea? I’m also surprised the bunker didn’t get indigestion and throw Crowley up.
The boys have Crowley chained in their dungeon and they just have one little request: the names of all the possessed meatsuits walking the world. Or the lower 48 contiguous states at least. Crowley refuses, reminding them that Sam donning sexy Dom gear while “Stuck in the Middle with You” plays softly in the background is his idea of date night, not unbearable torture. So how does one torture an evil attention monger? Leave him completely alone, that’s how.
Now to deal with a seriously pissed off Kevin. The brothers talk Kevin down from driving nails into Crowley’s brain by promising him they have a plan and Dean promises that they’ll let Kevin give Crowley a Ruby special and take him out to crash a 8-year-old’s bachelor party.
Abaddon is busy trying to figure out what happened to the hell and demons that she knew and loathed. Why are they making deals with lowly humans instead of reaping souls at their leisure? Why did they let Crowley take over when he’s not a warrior, not a general, when he’s nothing but a salesman? I think Abaddon could benefit from a politics course. Leaders don’t fight, they delegate. Especially male leaders. Now, a female head of state? She fights like Abaddon plans to fight. By ditching the welcoming meatsuits for some real American hero type garb. What worries me is that Abaddon is so sure that Crowley is dead, which considering she was batter-dipped just moments before you’d think she’d be less complacent.
Meet Irv. Dean is touching base with the hunter network, warning them about what’s coming. Smart move, Winchester. Finally figuring out that you’re not alone out there. Speaking of being alone out there, meet Tracy. An attractive gal on the side of the road with convenient vehicle problems. And oh look, here’s a lech riding up on his bucking bronco to assist her. Only, he’s a vampire and she’s a hunter and he REALLY lost this round bloody.
The military bus Abaddon left worse for wear is now a crime scene. Corpses will do that. Sam and Dean roll up all Fed’d out, but for once their presence is questioned. Finally. Maybe it’s because this is a military case, not a federal one. Or maybe it’s because Sergeant Bates has seen The Avengers a few times and is a little put off by Agent Ironman and Agent Hulk coming in to take over the case. Without Bobby and his wall of phones, they have no real way of “verifying” they are who they claim they are. Dean takes a shot in the dark and calls up Kevin, who has no idea why Dean is calling him boss but maybe might start to dig that later on. Kevin flubs his way around until he genius-level hacks the Sergeant’s Facebook and finds pictures of her that her commanding officer may not approve of. Panicked, she lets Sam and Dean have free reign.
Sam figures out that all the bodies on the bus were former demon real estate, long dead meatsuits that have been living the life topside for 20 years unbothered. The brothers are confused until they get a good look at the surveillance footage and spy our favorite flaming redhead demon. Meanwhile, said demon is putting thousands of years of practice and decades of pent up aggression into torturing another hunter for info on the Winchesters and successfully wrangles one of Dean’s phone numbers out of him, however when she calls she gets Kevin instead. Not sure if it’s lack of self-esteem or total self-preservation, but Kevin declines to identify himself, he’s nobody. Abaddon is fine with that, as long as nobody can get a message to Sam and Dean. That she has Tracy and Irv. Dean is mildly concerned. I mean, Irv he knows, he’s a friend. Tracy though? Meh, doesn’t ring a bell to him.
Either way they speed off to the outskirts of Eugene, Oregon, the location Kevin’s rattled off coordinates zeroed in on. Military precision, how very John Winchester of Abaddon to leave coordinates for them. It’s the site of an old chemical plant catastrophic. Radiation galore. Dean is very concerned for his downstairs brain and twins, using his hand as a protective shield. Sam is pretty sure his brother is an idiot, but doesn’t really fight it. A sudden noise makes Dean drop his balls and steady his gun. They find Tracy and Irv tied up and alone, no Abaddon in sight. They pass out holy water shots, Irv takes his willingly, Tracy takes her sullenly, neither dragons out. Sam introduces himself to Tracy in that soft-voiced, floppy-haired way of his, but his sensitive, dewy eyes are met with uninterested sarcasm.
Remember Crowley? Well, he’s still trapped, alone with only his highly dysfunctional thoughts rolling around in his melon. Flashbacks of his humanity begging Sam, pleading to be loved. The sound of Kevin scuttling around pulls him out of his head. Oh joy, a mouse to toy with. Crowley taunts, teases and flirts, but Kevin isn’t here for whips, chains and cuddling afterward. He’s rightfully still angry about Crowley killing his mom. Hell, we all are. Except, Crowley brings up the point we’ve all been clinging to: habeas corpus. Crowley’s new tune is that Mama Tran is enduring the worst possible tortures, but still breaths air and bleeds blood freely. Kevin reacts like any half-crazy, cabin-fevered prophet of the lord would; he beats Crowley’s face in.
While Kevin gets his licks in, Dean is giving Irv and Tracy a run down of their current arsenal. Which will do jack squat against demons in military garb carrying assault rifles. He sacrifices one of his many phones and uses a recording of his voice to buy some time. As they scramble for safety, Tracy decides now is the time to flip out on ever-so-helpful Sam Winchester. Turns out her family was murdered by demons who were popping humans like Cristal after the Boy King let Lucifer out of hell. Sam hadn’t thought about that possibility before and is suitably contrite. Great timing, Trace!
They split up, Sam and Irv, Dean and Tracy. Dean takes this opportunity to school Tracy about timing and targets and screwing up on a human level. Irv on the other hand, is confessing to Sam about giving Abaddon intel on other hunters, but before he has the time to sacrifice himself for redemption he’s taken out by a demon sniper. Shots fired, everyone sprints into action. And there’s Abaddon in full view. Tracy takes the opportunity to fire round after round of devil’s trap bullets into Abaddon’s chest. Her Kevlar covered chest. Tracy, Tracy, Tracy. Head shot. Knee shot. Hamstring. Bicep. Go for the exposed parts. Always. Dean buys some time by flinging holy water at Abaddon. At her head. Because this is not Dean Winchester’s first rodeo. He sends Tracy off with his car keys (EXCUSE ME, DEAN?) and tells her to restock on ammo while he squares off with Her Royal Hellness. Dean has an angel blade, Abaddon has her own absolute old demon soul strength, so if you bet against Dean on this give yourself a pat on the back. Abaddon has Dean down on the ground in an instant. She’s petting Dean and telling him what a perfect demon vessel he is. Dean’s not sure whether to throw up or make out with her. I’m voting the latter. Abaddon tells him she can’t wait to carve the anti-passenger tattoo off his chest and crawl inside him.
I find it interesting that in season 5, the discussion was all about the Winchesters being angel vessels, with Dean being the “good guy” vessel and Sam being the “evil” vessel. Fast-forward a few years and here’s Sam with an angel fully inside him and here we have Dean with a demon knight of hell tell him he’s a perfectly tailored suit.
Speaking of Sam, he’s currently overpowered by demons and getting his ass thoroughly handed to him. In a rare moment, Sam isn’t choked out, but instead is flung into a wall and left ragdoll unconscious. Which would suck, except now that Sam’s checked out, Ezekiel can come out and play. Blue-eyes blazing and shadow wings spread, Ezekiel white lights to protect Sam. His wings are bent, broken, shedding feathers, but he still takes out all three demons because protecting Sam is what Dean prayed for.
Abaddon is fully irritated that they brought a nuclear angelhead to a gunfight. Dean has time to get in one smart remark before Abaddon sends him flying into an abandoned shop window and runs away with her tail between her legs. Dean rushes to Sam’s aid, but instead he finds Ezekiel. In true Dean fashion, he’s going to forego formalities and give an all-powerful angel a nickname. Zeke tells Dean that he was able to kill the demons because Sam was unconscious. Obviously, Dean is unsure as to why Zeke would go to bat like that. Simple. Dean loves Sam, ergo Zeke’s mission statement is “Protect Sam”, because he feels Dean’s actions justify the means.
Zeke, though he’s wearing Sam’s face, is so clearly not Sam when he tells Dean that he understands that what Dean does he does out of pure love for Sam. Dean looks like he’s torn between blushing bright pink and grunting while grabbing his balls and spitting. Zeke waves Dean’s discomfort away, not only does Zeke know how Dean feels about Sam, he assures Dean that Sam knows as well. With that, Dean and Zeke set up the scene so that when Sam comes to he gets the sparknotes of Dean slicing through three demons to save his brother.
Fun fact: last week I called Ezekiel’s original vessel “hot drifter angel”, then it occurred to me that now that he’s occupying Sam, he’s STILL “hot drifter angel”. I’m so glad I don’t have to give that descriptor up. That said, hot drifter angel, I am so on your side, do not let me down.
Tracy rolls up in the Impala. Whatever. At least she lets bygones be bygones with Sam and smartly sits herself in the backseat. Surly teenagers are a pet peeve.
Back at the bunker, Sam and Dean check on Crowley and find him bloodier than they left him. He tells them that riling up Kevin is his new hobby. He’s also spouting names now and willing to make deals that don’t only benefit him. Or do they? One has to wonder if Crowley is enjoying what he might turn Kevin into or if he’s using Kevin’s anger to get himself the abuse he now thinks he deserves. Time will tell.
Dean figures it’s time to have a pep-rally with Kevin. He tells Kevin that even if Mama Tran is technically alive, there’s nothing living inside her anymore and that the safest place for Kevin is in the bunker with them. Not because he’s a valuable asset, but because he’s family and they would die for him. Because Sam and Dean and Kevin and Cas are all that they all have.
Which, y’know, sounds great on paper. Sounds great when Dean is speechifying. But let’s face it, when we all know that yeah, Dean would die for just about anyone as long as Sam’s not at risk and that when Sam’s up on the chopping block everyone is leverage, then the defenses case does not hold water and I for one, am 100% worried about Kevin Tran.