Supernatural 9.08 – Rock and a Hard Place


Hartford, South Dakota. A young waitress locks up at work and leaves a homeless man, Slim, a styrofoam container of leftover food. Then proceeded to walk to her car, in the dark with out her keys at the ready. Female safety 101, dearie. She’s frightened; she trips and stumbles her way to shelter underneath her vehicle. Of course, whatever is stalking her easily lifts it right up, engulfs her in blue light and then drops her off into a sewer hidey-hole.

Over in the bunker, Sam is asleep mid-cereal. Sam’s sleepy, Kevin’s cracked from trying to crack the tablet and Dean is hungry. Last week I was wondering if Sam’s random yawn in the morning meant something specific, well clearly it does. In a swift bought of stealthy exposition we learn that Sam has already told Dean about Crowley’s sanguine itch and Dean plans to use it as leverage. Sam continues to yawn. Apparently no matter how much rest and fuel he gets he never seems to hit green on the battery bar. They’re interrupted by a phone call from our most favorite sheriff, Jody Mills. She says she’s got something they might wanna look into and explains about Slim seeing someone heavyweight the vehicle to nab the girl.

And they’re off. They make it fast enough that Jody is still at the crime scene. That Impala is pretty much a TARDIS.

Jody reviews the vics with the boys, the waitress and three others. All abducted in bizarre strongman ways. The only connection: they are all members of Good Faith Church. Unlike Bad Faith Church, these members are intensely intense. The boys think it may be an angel thing.

Way to ease Jody into the info, guys. Dean tells her not to worry, angels suck eggs anyway and they head off to question Slim. He tells them what he knows, bright blue light, kinda fiery, but not, then poof! girl gone. Dean slides him what I hope was at least a $20 and thanks him for his time. Blue light means it’s not an angel, so square one it is: the church.

The brothers try to finagle a bit of info out of the church lady, Bonnie, but all she knows is that the members were all part of the church’s chastity group, Abstinence Purifies Us. Sam asks if maybe they could sit in on a group session, but alas it is members only. Sam volunteers them both to signup and she happily bounces over to grab them purity pledge forms to sign.

Dean, in a rare bout of honesty, tells her that he’s already done did that and there’s no going back. Funny statement from the one man in existence that was literally a born again virgin. Bonnie hesitates for a second, but tells them that if they are committed to saving themselves for marriage, then their chalkboard is erased. Between the blue fire and the chastity promises they’re thinking it’s dragons again, because dragons, duh. So the boys scratch out their autographs, with their real names, and hand back the forms. I assume Bonnie somehow already knows they’re brothers, because the same last names thing kinda gives off a “we’re already married” vibe.

Meanwhile, our waitress, Honor, remains in the sewer, terrified and alone. Or not so alone it seems.

Back at the APU meeting, Sam and Dean are asked to share why they’ve chosen to unstamp their V-cards. Sam says it’s because whenever he sleeps with someone it goes really, REALLY badly. As a member of the “I creepily know everything about my brother’s sex life club” Dean confirms that this is disturbingly accurate. Dean, on the other hand graphically details just how much he likes sex. Wow, the group is sexually aroused, Commander. However, you can also infer that he finds the wham-bam lifestyle slightly unfulfilling, there’s almost never a second date for Dean Winchester.

As the group breaks up, Dean’s eye catches on a member, Suzy. He asks Sam if she looks familiar to him, but Sam just blows off Dean’s sleaziness in favor of talking to Bonnie. He shows concern for the missing members and Bonnie is pretty much smitten by the white knight act, but not smitten enough that she’s going to ignore that one of the members is stuffing a napkinful of cookies into her purse for later. Because that’s obviously what’s we chubby girls do, steal cookies from church gatherings. Yeah.

Bonnie goes to head that off and Sam is left to face, Tammy our purple prose-writing zealot. She’s not a big fan of Honor’s, I mean, Honor BUYS the cookies she brings to group. How hard is it to mix up a homemade batch of peanut butter blossom cookies, I ask you? Not hard at all, I answer you. Homemade cookies save you from hell. That and not having sex after signing a chastity agreement.

Dean and Suzy are talking in a corner. He’s trying to figure out why he recognizes her, but she doesn’t know him. She is willing to talk him though this born again virgin thing, she is the after all the chastity counselor. She’s all about the confiding, but Dean’s pretty sure he’s getting laid. Sam is eye-rolling his brother’s antics. I mean, signing your name on something doesn’t really matter when you’re legally dead anyway, right? Dean takes off with Suzy while Sam goes back to the motel room to see what Jody has dug up.

Turns out that all four victims broke their chastity vows. There goes the dragon theory. Again, Sam, ease Jody into the whole list of non-humans, don’t just toss names out all willy-nilly. Sam tries to call Dean to fill him in, but he gets voicemailed. Repeatedly. Sam occupies himself by getting to know Jody better by asking really personal questions. He asks her about the rival church she attends, but it isn’t quite like this one. She’s not there for anti-sex vow of any kind; she goes for solace, for comfort. Considering she lost Bobby and then went on an unfortunate blind date with the King of Hell, she’s not exactly rolling in cuddles. Sam says he gets it, but Jody disagrees; Sam and Dean have each other. Sam doesn’t disagree and I’m once again feeling kinda shaky about Sam, Dean, Sam ‘n’ Dean.

Over at Suzy’s, she’s shedding her hoodie and making herself comfortable and Dean’s thinking he’s in like Flynn. Except a tearful Suzy just misses her friends desperately and wants Dean to pray with her. Fun. Dean continues to blow off Sam’s phone calls to all his cell numbers, until Suzy excuses herself to take a powder. Unfortunately, he doesn’t bother to list to Sam beyond “not dragon”, because he’s found Suzy’s secret stash of DVDs and figures out why he knows her. She’s “Carmelita” from Casa Erotica.

Okay. Back up. Then why didn’t Sam recognize her? We know he watches Casa Erotica. Maybe the brothers make sure they don’t cross porn storylines.

Suzy is embarrassed, but Dean assures her that he’s seen bad before and she ain’t it. He basically attempts to give her the confidence to not be feel bad about her past, because here’s nothing inherently evil about her previously chosen profession. She digs that and gives him a private screening.

Dean Winchester has now bedded his favorite b-movie actress and his favorite pornography actress. Way to work the bucket list, Dean. Of course, you never stay dead so there’s really no rush.

Meanwhile, Honor and the other vics are having some issues. Additional issues. The blue light is coming for them one by one.

Afterward, however, as Dean is leaving they are knocked out by a blue flames to the face. Which was expected. What I didn’t expect was to see that Suzy was wearing shoes. Why did she get redressed to that level in her own home? That’s just weird.

The sewer crew is really cracking up now, we’ve got one girl almost literally climbing the walls and nibbling on her fingers. The blue light comes back but instead of taking one of them, it just drops off Dean and Suzy. Dean wants to know where they are, the captives tell him that they’re in hell, Dean thinks that’s adorable. He tries to find a way out, but they others think HE’S adorable for coming in and trying to take over, as if it never occurred to them to try the hatch before. Neil is rapidly figuring out that whatever’s after them takes the weakest link and considering Honor is hobbling around they may as well offer her up. Dean’s not having it, if anyone’s getting plated it’s gonna be Neil. Honor is honored that Dean is protecting her honor. It’s pretty much like a scene from The Hole.

Right on schedule Sam is starting to get worried about Dean. It’s been over an hour and as far as Sam is concerned that’s way longer than he’s gonna give Dean any credit for. Good call, Sam. He and Jody cavalry up and head to Suzy’s. The place is upturned so obviously Dean was here for more than 5 minutes. Sam finds the discarding Casa Erotica DVDs and does the math, 1 Dean + 1 porn star = chastity vow broken. The go back to the motel room to research and Jody continues her researching and discovers that their culprit may is Vesta, a god that secures 6 virgins to keep its light lit, however the virgins, biological or spiritual, have to maintain their virginity for 30 years. Mess that up and get buried alive.

Not only has Vesta ruined the afterglow, but she also stole Dean’s phone. Luckily he carries a spare.

Meanwhile, Sam does some more math and figures out where the victims are being held. Check out the big brain on, Sam. Jody tells him they just need a stake of oak with virgin’s blood on it and they got this. Sam offers up his own blood, but Jody figures lack of actions speaks louder than purity pledges. They decide to go to the church and ask Tammy for some of hers. They ask nicely enough, but Tammy is not okay with their Satan-pagan ideas. So Jody punches her in the nose, not only did it feel good, but also noses bleed like the dickens.

Dean is still trying to dig their way out and by the time Jody and Sam get to the manhole, the brothers are able to try to teamwork their way into and out of this. Of course, this is the time of the episode where Sam gets knocked unconscious.

Well, that’s a BINGO for someone, I’m sure.

Jody is left to face Vesta all on her own, and surprise, surprise it’s Bonnie the church lady. She’s got Jody strapped to her sacrificial table while she expositions us to death. The thing about the liver was interesting, though I would’ve gone with kidney then, but whatever. After her evil dude speech she stabs Jody in the chest, but Jody is no weakling, she’s lying there valiantly trying to work the oak out of her self.

Speaking of valiant efforts, Dean is still trying to unscrew his way out of the bunker. Metaphor or cheap joke? Debatable.

Next on Vesta agenda is Sam. But he’s not a palatable meal since apparently his liver is shot. His whole everything is shot. Vesta can’t even figure out how he’s not grilled up as a steak side dish right now. Sam is rightly perplexed. Why do goddesses keep figuring out what’s up with him and throwing it in his face? No time to ask her though, Jody comes through in the clinch and gets Vesta right in the ticker.

Time to pack up and head home. Dean is folding his shirts neatly when Sam brings up what Vesta revealed. Dean assures Sam that it’s gotta be the remnants of the trial and that they’ll figure it out. Much like some people, Sam wants to know why they’re always trying to figure out what’s wrong with Sam. Maybe what’s wrong is Sam. Dean isn’t even trying to hear that. Dean’s about to crack and tell Sam about his angelic pacemaker, but Zeke flares up and tells Dean that boy howdy is that a bad idea. Sam comes back and Dean fumbles another lie to try to placate him. In the end, both brothers are emotionally drained and broken.

Was Dean out of character in this episode? Was he a regression? Was he piling escape on top of bravado? Tough to know. What we do know is this is coming to a head. FINALLY.