Orphan Black – 2×02 – Governed by Sound Reason and True Religion

I need to see this play, starring Alison Hendrix

I need to see this play, starring Alison Hendrix

Previously: Felix’s ass. That’s all you need to know.

Helena’s recovering in the hospital. A police officer takes her picture as they look at the contents in her pockets: sugar packets, lollypops, a dried dandelion, three crayons (pink, green and purple), and a black and white picture of a baby which looks like a newspaper clipping of sorts. There’s a caption at the bottom of the picture but the only words I can make out are ‘perfect baby’. Oooooooh, clues.

The police officer can’t understand how someone can be shot point-blank in the chest and live. Well duh, she’s Helena and she rules.

Sarah and Art are at his place, investigating the Prolethians with Art’s super-awesome high tech looking police computer. Felix shows up and gives Art a disapproving stare. “Hello Arthur,” he says, stiffly. Felix is not happy about letting a cop into their Clone Club but his phone rings and interrupts any more bitching he is about to bitch. It’s an out of town number and it’s Kira!

Sarah grabs the phone, asking Kira where she is. Kira doesn’t know. She’s not supposed to call and she’s with a weird man. We see Kira hiding under an ugly yellow blanket as she talks on the phone. The so-called weird man walks up and presses the disconnect button. Maybe his feelings got hurt about being called weird.

Why does everyone all me weird?  *single, sad tear*

Why does everyone call me weird?
*single, sad tear*


Art’s super-computer runs a program and they track the number from Felix’s phone to the Green Acres Motel. That was lucky. Oh, actually, it’s a listed number so it was easy to find. Probably could’ve run the good ole Google search for it. Sarah and Art are all full steam ahead and ready to rush out. Felix points out it could be a trap but Art manfully points out that Sarah’s going with him. Felix says it could still be a trap. He holds up a handful of green phones. “New clone phones.” He gives Sarah hers and holds one up. “This one’s for me.”

Sarah reminds him that when they get back they’re leaving town, for realsies. Felix rolls his eyes a little at this and Sarah begs him to help her stay positive. He reassures her that it’s going to work out because Felix is wonderful and I love him.

Cut to a giant, somewhat obnoxious picture of Aynesley. Oh dear, it’s her funeral. When I die I want a huge obnoxious picture of me too, preferably giving a thumbs up. Thumbs up for all the grief you’re feeling, suckers! You better be crying!

Hey, remember the time you blew the roofer down at the cabin? Good memories.

Hey, remember the time you blew the roofer down at the cabin? Good memories.

The same priest that was at Alison’s intervention is doing the service. Alison sits with her family but she can feel the judgment of her former ‘friends’. One is in the pew in front of her, telling the person beside her she can’t believe it. The former friend turns slightly and looks at Alison and we know she means she can’t believe Alison’s here. Alison turns slightly to peek behind her, only to see the horrid blonde one glaring at her, judging her with all the might. God they suck.

After the service the ex-friends gather around, indignant that Alison showed up after sleeping with Chad and fighting with Aynesley in the street. Wouldn’t it be worse for her not to come? Either way Alison would look bad to them. Lose/lose.

Donnie gives them all the evil eye. He’s supportive and tells Alison he wouldn’t blame her for having a drink with the way they’re acting. She turns him down, saying she wants to stay clear headed. Right on cue her two kids run up with bunches of flowers that they took from Aynesley’s arrangements. Way to be assholes, kids! Alison is mortified but Donnie says he’ll handle it and passes her his coat as he leads the kids to put the flowers back.

A woman comes over to lend her support. It’s one of the people from the community play, Sarah Stubbs. She’s very kind to Alison and is not happy with how the others are treating her. She reaches out for a hug. Alison isn’t a huggy type but Sara pulls her in tightly. Poor Alison.

Things get worse. As Sara walks away, Donnie’s phone buzzes. He has a text. Alison sneaks a look at the most recent texts: “She makes her own choices. Placate her.” The new one says: “Come outside. Call ASAP – urgent.” She immediately grabs a drink and tosses it back before Donnie gets back with the kids. She’s crushed.

Cowboy 1 from the diner, who is actually named Mark (a good, solid, religious name) is at a farm. It’s a dairy farm or a cow farm or a religious cult farm. Whatever you like. He’s talking to an older man, who’s pleased that Mark found and saved Helena. The older man, Henrik, knows Helena is Sarah’s twin. He calls Sarah ‘The Mother’ and that’s not creepy or anything. Mark helps inseminate a cow as he’s told to sneak Helena out of the hospital. Henrik tells Mark that they love him like a son and trust him. Mark is touched by this as he’s also a lonely, parentless soul longing for a family and love so he should get along with Helena like white on rice.

Cosima is meeting with Dr. Leekie and Delphine down at DYAD. She plays dumb about Sarah sneaking in as her and ‘shitkicking’ Rachel. She innocently says that the rest of the clones never really trusted Sarah but has trouble hiding a grin when she hears how Sarah stole Leekie’s security pass. Leekie really seems to have a soft spot for Cosima. He just wants her here, researching, sweetening the deal with the news that Rachel takes insult very personally and Cosima can help Sarah by being here. Delphine pipes up that she just wants to have hot lesbian sex with Cosima, oh wait, I mean she says she wants to ‘make crazy science’ with her in their new lab which sounds just as sexual as what I put the first time.

Centrifuges turn me on

Centrifuges turn me on

Sarah and Art race to the No-Tell Motel but the weird man has already left with Kira. Or so they think. As they look through the room, Sarah finds a picture Kira drew. And guess who else shows up? Rachel’s right hand man Daniel. Art still has a hurt about when Daniel showed up at the police station and got Sarah out of custody right when she was about to confess everything. Art races out to arrest Daniel. Daniel says Art will pay, pay payeeeeeeee for this insult.

Sarah notices one of Kira’s socks on the ground. She picks it up and sees another and another. At first I thought it was Kira being her usual clever self and leaving clues but it was just a trap leading Sarah to a garage where the weird man grabs her so I suck. Weird man ominously whispers that if she wants to see Kira she’ll shut up and get in the trunk. She does.

He drives her to a remote area and pulls her out of the trunk, telling her to behave. Instead she attacks him. Guess who shows up? Mrs. S. Whaaaaaa?

Mrs. S. tells Sarah she knew she’d show up with her troubles when Kira called so she had to take extra precautions to make sure no one followed. Sarah angrily asks her whose side she’s on and Mrs. S. answers that she’s always been on Sarah’s side. I don’t trust her anymore.

Dr. Leekie leads Cosima and Delphine to their very own lab in the old wing. Apparently DYAD was responsible for some great vaccines like polio and influenza and saved hundreds of thousands of lives. Cosima is still wary, especially as she knows that in super secret labs the scientists themselves don’t even know what they’re working on. Leekie assures Cosima she’ll know what she’s working on…herself. He lets her into her lab.

Cosima isn’t impressed by her obsolete lab, calling it ‘clone jail.’ Delphine says they’re going to customize it. Leekie generously invites her to make a list of needed equipment and personnel, anything she wants.

Community theatre! Alison is rehearsing a reprise of the song from last week (Sing! Sing! Sing away the hours! Shout till our throats are sooooore!) with the rest of the actors. She’s having trouble concentrating and messes up the choreography. I’m having trouble concentrating because the person playing the piano is HILARIOUS. She’s SO INTO IT.

Alexander, the director, tells everyone to take five, “And I mean five. Carter, no more sobbing.” Hahaha, he told Carter to stop crying last time too. I wonder why Carter’s always crying.

Alexander leads Alison to the side and places one hand on her front, right under her breasts. He asks her if she feels the high breathing she’s doing from ‘anxiety residue’. As previously mentioned, Alison isn’t really a touchy-feely kind of person, and she’s not comfortable at all with this pervy intimacy. Alexander places his other hand on her ass, telling her to breathe from here, her sacrum. Alison’s pretty sure her ass isn’t her sacrum but he ignores her, telling her to breathe innnnn and ooooout, innnnn and oooooout as he runs his hand up and down her stomach.

Alison’s “oooooout” turns into an “oooooowOHTHANKGOD” when Felix shows up and interrupts the ‘coaching’. She races over to him in relief, introducing him as her acting coach. Alexander holds out his hands but Felix declines, telling him he’s seen where his hand has been. Alison drags him off for a private talk.

They go into a classroom where Alison spills the beans about Donnie and the texts she saw. Felix insists that Aynesley is her monitor. Alison sighs. She’s holding a mini, hotel travel-sized bottle of vodka. Looks like staying clear-headed is long gone. It’s on a train to Alcohol Stupor Makes the Bad Stuff Go Away Land.

Apparently Alison hasn’t spilled the beans about Aynesley yet. She does, saying that Aynesley is dead from a scarf choking accident and oh, by the way, she watched it happen. She killed Aynesley! Felix hopefully asks if she’s joking…?

Alison insists that she killed Aynesley. He tries to soothe her. “Nooooo, noooooo darling, no. Well…uh…er…I mean…not really, you know. Just like, hardly.”

Alison begs him not to tell anyone, she has two kids, she can’t go to jail! She drinks from the mini vodka as Felix says they need to prove that Donnie’s her monitor. Alison doesn’t see how, since he’s fooled her for all these years. “He’s very good at being evil!” she says as Felix chugs the rest of the bottle. Felix decides they need to set a trap, feed him clone info, see if he falls for it.

Alison finishes up the last sip and reaches for another bottle from her bag. LOL. “Ok,” Felix says as she starts drinking heavily from the new bottle. “Got any ideas or do you want to just keep drinking?”

“I…I think I need to keep drinking for a while,” Alison says, tearfully knocking it back. “And then I’ll have an idea.”

These two are comedy gold. Gold, Jerry! GOLD!

Mrs. S. and Sarah are still walking through the forest. Sarah says Mrs. S. made things worse making it look like they were abducted. Mrs. S. couldn’t trust the phones to call Sarah, and all that matters is putting Kira first. They walk up to a house and Sarah recognizes it. It’s where they ‘landed’ and hid when they left the UK. We still don’t know what they ran from though, not really. Prolethians probably.

A man, Barry, is waiting for them. He welcomes Sarah back. These people helped them disappear once, now they’re helping them again. A hearty, sliver haired woman named Brenda greets them. Sarah remembers her. Kira runs up and hugs Sarah.

Back at Art’s, Angela is mad. She has no idea why Art’s suddenly in trouble and about to get suspended. Apparently Daniel works fast if Art’s already getting his payback. He just arrested him. Angela pulls out a picture and shows him-it’s Helena. Art tells Angie to drop it but we all know she won’t.

Sure enough, the very next scene shows Angela at the hospital, being led to Helena’s room. Too late, bitch! She’s disappeared.

Mark is wheeling her down the hall. Helena groggily looks up and asks him who he is. “Family,” he answers. Am I looking at a love match??



At the creepy cult farm, a very serious ginger girl with long hair carries a tray of food. She’s nervous about bringing the food to Helena but her mother reassures her, “I’m sure we seem as strange to them as they do to us. Just do as your father says.” Her mother walks over to the clothesline and we see more women, hair tried back in buns, taking the washing off the line. CULT. RELIGIOUS CULT. RELIGIOUS PROLETHIAN CULT. I know it cause of the hair buns. Oh, and the fish belt buckle. But seriously, the hair buns.

Gracie brings the food up to her father, asking if ‘it’ will eat. Henrik assures her she will and tells her not to be scared. She needs their care and they need her trust. He leads her into another farmhouse while Mark stands guard outside.

Helena is inside, sleeping on a bed with hospital equipment monitoring her. Someone is kneeling next to her bed, whipping himself with a belt and grunting in pain. The buckle cuts into his skin, making new cuts next to old scars. Gracie and her father walk in, interrupting his penance. It’s stupid, awful Tomas. Nooooo.

Tomas apologizes for his self-flagellation, calling it an old custom. He tells Henrik he’s grateful for his rescue, and Helena’s as well. He’s been praying for Helena’s soul. How nice. Then he calls Helena an abomination, and says she has no soul. Godammit but Tomas is just the worst.

Tomas says it’s a miracle that the bullet missed Helena’s heart. Henrik agrees, saying it’s indeed a miracle, as Helena is a ‘mirror twin’. Her organs are on the opposite side. Tomas is even more disgusted by Helena, saying it’s a corruption. Henrik doesn’t see it that way. He thinks Helena is just swell. Maybe Henrik and I will be friends after all. Maybe. We’ll see.

Tomas says Helena is a corruption, a wretch, a war for the future of creation. Henrik fake smiles and says they are welcome here for as long as it takes Helena to recover. Eff you, Tomas. Please DIAF.

Donnie is working out on an elliptical in the basement as Alison fakes a conversation to intrigue Donnie. Felix coaches her on the other line. She drops Sarah’s name as instructed and Donnie perks up.

Felix can multi-task as he talks to Alison. He’s also painting a picture of Teddy, the ‘client’ from last season. And we all know that Felix only paints in the nude, which makes me very, very happy.



Alison tells Donnie she has to go out. She goes to Aynesley’s grave and Donnie follows her. He’s on the phone with Leekie, since he was to call if Alison has contact with a Sarah…something. Leekie tiredly corrects him, “Manning. Sarah Manning.”

Sarah shows up, but not the Sarah Leekie wants. It’s Sarah Stubbs from the community play. Donnie tells Leekie who it is, describing her as, “early thirties….I guess you could say…plus sized…?” Leekie is not impressed that it’s the wrong Sarah. He hangs up.

Donnie turns around and is startled to see Alison standing there, staring at him. She’s kinda ominous. Donnie smoothly lies that he was worried about her but turns down Alison’s offer to join them. He kisses her cheek and says he’ll meet her at home.

In the secret underground clone railroad, Mrs. S. tells the real Sarah that she has two tickets to London, where it all started. Sarah takes the passports, thinking they are for her and Kira and is pissed to see Mrs. S’s name instead. Mrs. S. insists she’s able to protect Kira, unlike Sarah.

Sarah pulls out the picture of the male and female scientists that her birth mother Amelia gave her. Mrs. S. stumbles over the words on the back, “Project Leda?” She plays dumb, insisting she doesn’t know what that is or who those people are.

Back in the Crazy Science Sex Lab, Cosima and Delphine are making a list of equipment they need. This sexy talk leads to kissing but they’re interrupted by Rachel. Rachel is as stone cold bitchy as usual, not reacting when Cosima points out that she must have used a lot of concealer to cover up the bruises Sarah gave her. Concealer…or something else like an accelerated healing ability? This remains to be seen.

Rachel orders Delphine out, snidely noting that Cosima is gay. Cosima doesn’t rise to the bait. Rachel gives her all sorts of science stuff to keep Cosima busy: Cosima’s medical test results that they got from the university G.P. when Cosima went for a check-up and Katja the German’s data.

Cosima asks for the original DNA to study, the one used to clone them, but Rachel says that isn’t possible. Cosima asks why not but instead of answering Rachel assures her the original was ‘robust’. She also gives Cosima Sarah’s file and sequenced genome. They want to know why Sarah’s different and can have a child.

Mrs. S, Sarah, Brenda, and Barry are having a late dinner while Kira draws nearby. That Kira, always with the drawing. Barry gets a call from the driver that’s going to take Mrs. S and Kira to the airport, and is told to take it outside so no one else will now the details. That is how it’s done, Sarah is told, to keep it safe. She’s suspicious as Mrs. S. reassures her. Too bad Mrs. S looks a little uncomfortable herself.

Kira is sleepy and Sarah suggests a nap before she leaves with Mrs. S. They go upstairs. Sarah, ever questioning, knows something isn’t on the up and up about this whole thing. She asks Kira what she knows. Kira tells her that Mrs. S. found that picture of Project Leda back at her house when she snooped through Amelia’s stuff, making Mrs. S. a liar when she acted like she’d never seen the picture before. Sarah asks Kira why Mrs. S. would snoop but Kira just shrugs that she doesn’t know. Sarah pauses and mulls for a second. She says that Mrs. S. has loads of secrets and some of them are good, yeah? Kira, the smartest kid in the world, whispers back, “Maybe, but I don’t think so.”

That’s all Sarah needs. Always listen to Kira. Always. Sarah’s like, ok, let’s get the hell outta here. Kira agrees.

Downstairs at the dinner table, Mrs. S. is getting more suspicious with Brenda and Barry, especially when Barry announces that the driver is delayed. Mrs. S. says this makes the journey happen during the day and even more dangerous, and asks to talk to the driver herself. The other two try to explain that Barry’s the only contact and just as Mrs. S. insists, they all hear the sound of Sarah trying to start the old, junky truck outside.

Barry grabs his shotgun and runs out. Mrs. S. starts to follow but Brenda pulls out a gun and orders her to stop and show her hands. Mrs. S. is shocked by the betrayal. She says Kira’s just a little girl. Brenda counters that they alllll were just a little girl at one point. Mrs. S. says not like Kira. Not like this one. Brenda asks what that means, exactly, and Mrs. S. is all, bitch says what, and attacks her, pinning first her right hand to the table with a large two-pronged fork and then her left hand with the carving knife. I hope you enjoyed that roast you made for dinner!

I slaved for hours over a hot stove!

I slaved for hours over a hot stove!

Sarah manages to start the truck and Barry shouts at her to stop or Kira will get hurt. Sarah screams at Kira to get down. He runs over and smashes the driver’s side window. They fight and suddenly Barry’s brains are blown all over the place. It’s Mrs. S. with the shotgun. Sarah stares at her and slowly pulls forward. Mrs. S. steps aside and watches them drive away, tears in her eyes.

She goes back inside and sits down. “Just tell me why.”

Brenda is bitter that they struggled to help and hide all those children, all the while starving themselves and not having two nickels to rub together and there’s that thing about her husband dying over all this. Mrs. S. can’t believe they were sold out to the Prolethians. Brenda just wants to know who these cursed children are that Mrs. S. brought into their lives and Mrs. S. says, “They’re Project Leda.” I knew she knew and is probably in that picture.

Brenda is confused. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Good,” Mrs. S. answers and lowers her gun, blowing a hole into Brenda’s face. They don’t actually show it but I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down. Byeeeeeee.

Don't mess with Mrs. S!

Don’t mess with Mrs. S

Felix is waiting in a back lane with some bags. He’s wearing the big sunglasses that Sarah wore when she impersonated the German. He looks fantastic.

Alison calls, telling him that Donnie took the bait, he’s her monitor, and begging him to get her out of this house before she loses it. He’s so sorry but he’s leaving town with Sarah and Kira for a while. He can’t tell her where, it’s not safe for her to know.

Alison is desperate, crying that she killed Aynesley. “Aynesley wore a scarf in the kitchen!” Felix retorts, and this is yet another reason why I love him.

Felix apologizes over and over, but he has to go. He tells her to concentrate on the play, play possum with Donnie, and to call Cosima. He hangs up as Alison pops another pill and drinks more wine. Poor Alison! :’(

Felix gets in the old truck when Sarah pulls up, and asks Kira if she’s excited for their trip. Kira isn’t so sure about it. I would’ve stopped my plans right there because Kira is always right, but Sarah and Felix try to cheer her up, saying it’ll be brilliant. Felix pours it on,“ Absolutely. No question. I can’t wait. Are we there yet?”

Back in the Prolethian cult barn, Tomas is walking and talking with Henrik. Mark is fiddling with some hose in one of the stalls as they walk, and Henrik’s wife slowly closes the doors behind them as they walk in. That’s not alarming or ominous or anything.

Henrik asks Tomas how long Helena’s been in his care. Turns out the poor girl has been subjected to his hate since she was twelve. Henrik wonders if Tomas ever considered the fact that Helena might also be able to conceive, seeing how she’s Sarah’s twin. Tomas is repulsed by the very idea. He spits out that Helena is defective and any child of hers would be a monster. OMG I hate him so much.

Henrik proclaims that science without religion is lame and religion without science is blind. Then Mark walks up behind Tomas and shoots him in the back of the head with a captive bolt pistol, used to kill or stun cattle. Tomas is dead. Byeeeeee.

That's what you get for being mean to Helena and locking her in a cage

That’s what you get for being mean to Helena and locking her in a cage

As Tomas falls face first into the stall, Henrik respectfully takes off his hat and covers his heart. He looks up at Mark. “It’s a brand new day.”