Orphan Black 2×06 – To Hound Nature in Her Wanderings

True love means arm wrestling and trucker hats. Helena RULES

True love means arm wrestling and trucker hats. Helena RULES

Previously: Rachel’s mad at Helena and Sarah for killing Daniel. She gives Hot Paul a promotion: monitor and personal sex slave. Sarah takes Helena to Felix’s and then to Art’s. Art feeds Helena to get info and then lets her escape because if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: Art is a terrible detective. Ginger Gracie gets her mouth sewn shut as a punishment. Felix’s date ends badly when Hot Paul shows up and frames Felix for murder and breaks my heart why Paul why. Sarah finds out that Rachel’s father is still alive. Rachel uses her authority and makes Hot Paul have the sexy time with her and let’s just say she’s into being the boss in all ways. Helena gets out her sniper rifle and prepares to kill both of them but Sarah stops her. They’re going on a road trip to Cold River: A Place of Screams, to find Rachel’s dad and it’s gonna be off the hook.



Sarah and Helena are camping for the night on the way to Cold River. Helena saved Sarah half the can of cold beans she was eating. No thanks. Sarah wants Helena to tell her where Cold River is since she can’t find it on the map but Helena says Sarah would leave her behind if she knew where to go. Sarah doesn’t deny this. No Sarah, don’t ever leave Helena! Never let her go.

Helena wonders if she could also have babies, seeing as how Sarah had Kira and she’s her twin. When Sarah asks why she wants to know Helena gets a little nervous and stumbles out, “…ummm, I’m very good with children…” and looks away. Sarah asks her what the Prolethians did to her but Helena pretends she doesn’t know. She says she had ‘the fever’.

“There’s somebody here!” Helena whispers ominously. When Sarah looks over her shoulder in alarm she’s treated to Helena’s shadow puppet of a wolf. Helena makes her wolf kiss and slurp Sarah’s shadow. Sarah kisses it back and laughs. My heart swells.

"Arf arf!" ::smooch::

“Arf arf!” ::smooch::

They go to sleep facing each other. “Don’t let the bedbugs bits,” Helena whispers. Sarah switches positions and they mirror their twin positions in the womb AND MY HEART SWELLS.


If my heart swells any more it's going to explode from the happiness swelling

If my heart swells any more it’s going to explode from the happiness swelling

Then Helena farts and I giggle. Stupid beans.

But oh ho, who is this skulking around the car as the twins sleep? It’s Hot Paul, of course. He finds the picture of Rachel’s dad in the glove compartment.

Opening credits!

The girls continue on their way in the morning. Helena is fidgety and plays with the mirror and radio. She’s never been on a road trip before, only was told what to do and where to go. She finds a station playing ‘Sugar Sugar’ and is thrilled. She starts singing along.

Ohhhh sugar! Honey honey!

Twin love !

Sarah: Oh, this must’ve been a huge hit with the nuns in the Ukraine.
Helena: (serious) Yes. Super Sunshine Hits.

Helena keeps singing terribly. Sarah laughs despite herself. I’m going to die from an enlarged heart.

It looks like the shot Leekie and Delphine gave Cosima isn’t giving her any negative side effects. As long as she doesn’t get any side effects they’re going to continue with the shots, then move into implantation. “Stem cells from the exfoliated dental pulp of baby teeth…in my uterus. That’s not invasive at all,” Cosima says wryly.

Hey, guess who’s joined the research team? Scott, Cosima’s lab partner and super sequencing tech Scott. Cosima doesn’t want to involve him in all this. Delphine points out that he already is since Cosima gave him samples to work on. Cosima points out that he doesn’t know what they are. Since Scott was the one that found Cosima’s synthetic sequence, Delphine wants him working with them. He’s an expert.

Cosima turns back to Scott and smiles. “Sorry. We’re not hiring right now.” She turns to leave but is stopped when Scott calls out after them, “I know about the clones!” They’re stunned.

Yay, Alison! She’s still in rehab, doing the group therapy sessions. One guy tells everyone that he blew his dealer in a bathroom. Thank god for recovery, right? The group claps. Alison looks ill but pretend claps with one hand as the other is still in a sling.

The group leader tells Alison it’s her turn. She tries to decline. Nice try, Alison. You’re up. Alison gives a fake smile and declares she’s just there for her kids. She pauses and adds that she’s sorry she ruined the play with her drinking. She can barely get the words out and starts laughing a bit. She’s in such denial, telling the group leader that she’s not an actual drunk. Group leader is unimpressed.

Someone knocks and comes in, apologizing. It’s Vic the Dick! He’s back from getting his stumpy finger looked at by the doctor, the one that the drug lord cut off.

Alison is mortified and tries to turn her head away and hide behind her hand a little. Vic obviously sees her and is stunned.

Felix is home, drunk, and angrily painting with his music blaring full blast. Art knock but he can’t hear so he comes right in. Felix never, ever, ever locks his door. Sigh.

Art turns off the music, startling Felix. He’s pretty pissed off about being framed for murder. Art tells him to sober up. Felix flirts instead.

Alison tries to escape the room after therapy but Vic corners her. He knows she’s not Sarah and the one that maced him in the parking lot. Man that was a funny scene. He asks if they’re twins and Alison tells him they’re clones. He obviously thinks she’s being sarcastic. Vic is totally into recovery and higher powers and Alison just wants to be left to her misery. Alone.

Sarah and Helena pull up in a small town. Cold River is in a church, the same church in the picture of Rachel’s dad. Maggie Chen tracked him here.

Helena’s ready to follow the trail. Ha! Not so fast. Sarah tells her to stay in the car. And no radio. She takes the keys. What a mean sister. “And don’t do…anything. Please,” she tells her as she gets out of the car. As she walks away she points at Helena. Be good.

Hot Paul pulls up and watches Sarah go into the church.

Sarah finds a picture on the wall. A lady walks up and asks if she can help her. She sure can, what’s this place? Oh, you know, that’s just Cold River Institute. It was shut down in the 70s. Sarah shows the picture of Rachel’s dad. The lady knows him. Mr. Peckham. He’s been here to look at the archives. When Sarah asks to look at the archives as well the lady refuses. Always the quick thinker, Sarah lies that she’s a student of Mr. Peckham. It’s for her thesis. Well, okay then.

Helena sits, restless. Instead of sitting she gets out and walks into the local watering hole. Paul watches.

Scott explains how he figured out the samples he was given was from clones. He excitedly asks to see a clone and therefore doesn’t know Cosima is one. They tell him to take it one step at a time.

Helena sits at the bar with a long line of different drinks in front of her: a cocktail, a martini, a caesar, a shot, another cocktail, another shot, another cocktail with an umbrella. This is going to be amazing.

Just like my typical Tuesday night...

Just like my typical Tuesday night…

She takes a shot as a big biker-looking guy sits next to her. He chats her up, telling her to pace herself. Helena declares, “I’m on vacation,” and puts another shot back. The biker invites her to join his table.

“I think you bad goats. Baaaaa,” Helena tells him. Biker guy does not take kindly to this insult and incredulously asks her if she’s being rude. He calls her a little skank and oh no you didn’t! He leans a little closer, saying he’s not quite sure he heard what she said, holding a finger out threateningly. Helena grabs it and bends it back with a snap.

Biker guy: Aaaaah! You broke my finger!
Helena: Don’t be baby. I only sprained. Next one I break.

Biker guy tries to get in her face but a nice man in a trucker hat stops him. Helena isn’t one bit intimidated. Biker guy leaves, fuming, and Helena mocks him as he goes.


The trucker hat guy’s name is Jesse. He tips his hat to Helena, “Sorry about that, ma’am.” Jesse sits and orders some pork rinds.

Helena slides one of her drinks over to him. “White Russian?”

He looks at it and slides his bowl over. “Pork rinds?” She immediately chows on them. It’s true love! Whatever, Cowboy Mark. Suck it. Helena has Jesse now.

Back at the church, the nice lady shows Sarah what Rachel’s dad was looking at in the archives. She warns Sarah that what she sees here won’t leave her. That sounds pleasant.

Donnie is visiting a hostile Alison. She’s livid that he didn’t bring the kids even though it’s not Family Day and not allowed. He stands up, not pleased by her threats. Alison denies that she’s threatening him, following that with, “If you show up here without my kids again I will cut off your dangly balls!” Now that’s a threat, Donnie.

Vic the Dick sees this and comes to sooth things over, telling Donnie that Alison has really been working on her anger. Vic is all zen now and gives Donnie a little Namaste bow as he leaves. Donnie bows back and Alison smacks him. “Don’t.”

Donnie hopes this is true, that Alison is working on her anger. He’ll see her on Family Day and stupidly leans in for a kiss on the cheek. Alison jerks her face away and gives him a death glare.

Don't you dare, stupid Donnie

Don’t you dare, stupid Donnie!

“Fine.” Dumb Donnie leaves. He’s so funny, I really do like him in a strange way.

Sarah’s going through boxes of archives. There’s a picture of a baby and it’s titled ‘Most Perfect Baby 1908’ and remember that Helena had a black and white picture of a baby in her pocket when she was in the hospital and it was also titled ‘Most Perfect Baby ’ and what does that meeeeeeean? Or is that just what people did back then with baby pictures?

Most Perfect Baby what does it mean????

Most Perfect Baby what does it mean????

There’s more pictures. Creepy pictures. Nurses and babies and deformities and brains. You know, your typical evil hospital evil human experiment kind of photos. Sarah’s disturbed.

Felix wakes up from his drunk nap, annoyed to find Art still in his apartment. He sees that Art has made him coffee and immediately perks up.

Art’s been busily hanging up evidence on Felix’s wall. Helena’s locker was a goldmine and he needs Felix’s help. “Come on!” Art barks at him. “We’ve got to put it all together!” Yay, Felix has something to distract him!

Alison sees Vic meditating in the gym. She walks in and starts bouncing a basketball, startling him. She’s the best. “I know all about you!” she announces, still bouncing. “Felix told me all about Vic the Dick!” She says she knows he was abusive to Sarah.

Vic agrees. He’s on a better path now with Buddha. Alison has no patience for that stupid Buddha business. When asked if she’s here for her kids, Alison tells him there’s no other reason for her to be him. He shrugs and starts to leave. Alison hesitates and calls out that she’s a bottle hider. She just doesn’t see why she has to admit that to a bunch of drunk losers in therapy. Vic lets her know he’s a good listener. Alison compares rehab to prison and they both laugh. She passes him the ball and Vic expertly goes in for a lay up, missing completely and hitting the bottoms of the net. “Oh. Terrible,” Alison teases. They’re having a moment.

In the small town watering hole, Helena is telling Jesse about her life. In the Ukraine she was a detective and shot many criminals. Jesse’s impressed. Helena was also a brilliant scientist, but she quit to be with her family. Jesse hopes she isn’t spoken for! They stare into each other’s eyes.

“Divorced. After…rehab drinking problems.” HAHAHAH Helena. She says she’s having adventures with her sestra now. Jesse is head over heels and wonders how a guy like him keeps a girl like her in a place like this. Damn, this guy is good. Helena looks at him and says he would have to be very strong.

Cut to the two of them having an arm wrestling match. Helena wins, of course. She laughs and they do a shot. Guess who’s watching her? Cowboy Mark. That right, watch her. See what you’re missing. Hot Paul comes and sits beside Mark. He’s impressed by Mark’s tailing abilities. Paul almost didn’t see him.

Paul thinks Mark’s just waiting for Helena to pass out before he whisks her away but Mark just wants Helena to have some well-deserved fun for a little while. Then he’ll whisk her away. He still thinks she’s a miracle.

Paul says she’s not worth dying for. Mark leans in. “Is yours?” TOUCHE.

Sarah talks to Cosima on the phone as she looks at more pictures. She’s worried for Cosima. Cosima tries to reassure her. Sarah says she can’t do this without her. She wants to get Alison out of rehab when she gets back. They’re stronger together.

Sarah finds a picture of Rachel’s dad. He worked at Cold River! Ooooh.

Biker Guy watches Helena and Jesse arm wrestle and flirt. Jesse thinks Helena has nice eyes and Helena thinks Jesse has a nice…hat. She wins and laughs again in delight and seriously, I can’t handle how adorable weird she is. More shots and a tiebreaker!

Just as they’re about to go again, a slow song starts. Jesse asks her to dance. They do and Helena is head over heels.

Paul strikes a deal with Mark. No bloodshed. Sarah’s off the table. So Mark can take his girl and Paul will take his and everything will be fine. The bosses don’t need to know.

Helena and Jesse stare into each other’s eyes. They lean in and Helena gets what I am assuming is her first kiss. She’s full of feels and goes for it and they’re frantically making out against the pool table.

Just my typical Tuesday night

Just my typical Tuesday night

Biker Guy is irate over this. He pulls Jesse off Helena and demands that he’s cutting in cause he’s a big ole creep. Jesse starts to push Biker Guy back but no worries, Helena’s got this. She picks up a pool ball and clocks Biker Guy across the face with it. Jesse watches, surprised. She beats the crap out of Biker Guy, gleefully jumping on top of him after knocking him onto the pool table and smashing his head over and over. She’s having a blast!

Another guy runs up to them and Helena takes a moment from beating Biker Guy to punch him too. Jesse protects her from another attack and a full out fight starts.

Paul shoots back his drink. “Good luck with that, kid.” He leaves as Mark sighs about his little handful of Ukrainian joy.

Sarah finds the church lady and asks her about some missing patient files. Oh those may have been taken by another lady. Asian. Maggie Chen. Ooooh.

The cops are making arrests, but it looks like Helena’s the only one to be taken away. Jesse shouts that she didn’t do anything as the cop leads her out. “I want my boyfriend,” Helena demands as she’s dragged away.

Helena sees Sarah standing outside the church just as she’s being put into the cop car and they stare at each other in horror at what’s happened. “Sestra!” she gasps.

Later, at the station, Helena asks again for her boyfriend but the cop doesn’t know where he is. She’s going to be set free. The guys she beat up aren’t pressing charges. Great, now she can continue her vacation!

Oh, hey, your sister is here. The cop walks away and it isn’t Sarah that’s here to get Helena, it’s our little angry ginger Gracie, standing and covering her injured mouth.

Gracie sits at the next bench. “You tried to kill me,” Helena says. Gracie admits she did try. Helena looks at her. “He sewed you silent. Your lips. I’ve had this also, once. It will heal.” God the Prolethians suck.

Gracie tells Helena they want her back. Helena tries to argue that she’s with her sestra now, and Sarah needs her. Gracie points out that Sarah isn’t coming back for her. She says they Prolethians want to bring her back to her children.

Helena glares. “You took my babies from inside me!” she hisses. Gracie tells her that her father made them whole. He sees something beautiful inside Helena. Helena has Gracie clarify that they want to implant the eggs inside her in the same way Helena herself was made.

Mark meets them at the door and gives Helena Jesse’s hat, saying Jesse asked him to give her this. She takes the hat. “Take me to my babies.”

Sarah is driving and arranging for Art to get Helena freed. Just like Helena said, Sarah got to Cold Mountain and left her. Why Sarah, why?

Sarah tells them there were missing files that Maggie Chen hid in the locker. Felix finds them. Andrew Peckham. They think Rachel’s dad took over Peckham’s identity. She asks them to find an address for him.

Back in the lab, Scott has some questions for Delphine. He’s signed his confidentiality agreement so she can trust him. He was curious about a few things and ran some tests on the stem cells that were the match for Cosima’s treatment. Scott’s discovered that the stem cells are from a relative, maybe a niece or a daughter…?

Delphine looks ill at this revelation that somehow, Kira is involved with the tests. She tells him not to tell Cosima, for the love of god, Cosima cannot know, for realsies, no.

Back at rehab, Alison wants to talk to Vic. She calls him ‘Victor’, of course, because she’s Alison. She awkwardly asks him to help her make place settings for Family Day. Sure he’ll help, between the two of them they’ll have a working set of hands. Alison smiles at the joke. She’s so lonely and it looks like she’s just happy to have a friend. Or maybe even more.

Too bad it turns out Vic’s being forced to work with Angela the evil detective. He’s going to give her dirt on Alison. Nooooo! Alison cannot buy a break.

Art finds an address for an Andrew Peckham and Sarah goes to investigate. She knocks on the door and Mrs. S opens the door. Mrs. S is not impressed to see her.

Rachel’s dad came over to Mrs. S’s side 20 years ago and took over the Peckham identity. They’ve been hiding him ever since as he’s given them info on experiments done on unborn children and a runaway surrogate (Amelia, Sarah and Helena’s surrogate). They found Sarah and hid her and DYAD has been looking for them ever since.

She brings Sarah to Peckham. He’s a little lost and not quite right in the head anymore. At first he thinks Sarah is Rachel. Mrs. S reminds him they have to leave right away. More hiding.

Sarah starts to ask questions. He doesn’t know how many clones there are. He and his wife worked with the military on Project Leda. She was the brains and cracked the problem with cloning human embryos. They were declared unethical and shut down so DYAD took the project over.

“Why? What did you want?” Sarah asks.

“Babies. Little girls.”

Peckham asks if she’s met Rachel. Sarah calls her a monster and Peckham denies making a monster, saying they loved her. He wants to see her. Sarah can’t imagine why she’d help him do that.

Paul pulls up to the house and Mrs. S immediately comes to talk to him. She’s not going to let him take Sarah back. Over her dead body. The same goes for taking Peckham. He’s the only one that can give Sarah and the clones what they need. She even brings up Afganistan. Geeze, Mrs. S knows everything. She tells Paul that right now with Afganistan and DYAD/Leekie/Rachel, Paul needs a friend.

Peckham says they never made Rachel evil, it was the Neolutionists within DYAD. Sarah threatens to bring him to Leekie and he sits down, defeated. They stole his daughter!

Sarah explains that the clones are real people. They have lives. Cosima is sick. We’re sick. Rachel could get sick. Your little girl could die.

Peckham says Leekie wouldn’t let them raise Rachel. They were going to expose everything…so Leekie killed Susan, Rachel’s mother.

Oh man, Leekie isn’t the sweet little man he pretends to be. He’s the puppet master pulling the strings!