Previously: Helena went on a road trip with Sarah, found a boyfriend, won all the arm wrestling matches, won a bar fight, got arrested, got released, and got left behind by Sestra. Why Sestra, why? Angry Ginger Gracie and Cowboy Mark convinced her to return to the Creepy Cult Farm so she could be with her fertilized eggs. Paul followed everyone. Sarah found Rachel’s Dad. Turns out Leekie killed Rachel’s Mom. While in rehab, Alison finds a friend. Unfortunately, that friend is Vic the Dick.
I had to work late last night so I couldn’t watch the episode right away. My husband texted me when it was over: “Stay off the internet. Great episode.” He’s never done anything like that so I was pretty excited. And he was right, wow, what an episode! Let’s begin, shall we?
Alison and Vic the Dick are sitting together in rehab and chatting as they decorate name tags for Family Day. They’re bonding, or so Alison thinks. She’s bitterly talking about Aynesley, how she always thought she was better than her, about her snide comments and looks. She had it coming, Alison declares. Vic wants to know what she had coming but Alison doesn’t want to tell him. Vic leans in close, telling her there won’t be any judgment from him. I mean, look at him, the things he’s done.
“I slept with her husband,” Alison whispers. She asks if he thinks she’s awful. He says she’s brave for sharing. It feels nice, yes? Alison agrees and Vic continues gluing stuff to the name cards and is completely caught off guard when Alison continues sharing.
“Then I killed her. She was choking and I didn’t stop it.”
Vic’s taken aback. “Like, on a piece of chicken?”
Alison stares straight into his eyes. “No. Not like on a piece of chicken.” She’s cold. “I could have saved her and I didn’t. She clawed at the countertop, begging for her life. I stood there, until it was over.”
Vic’s face as she’s whispering this evil little secret to him is priceless. He just can’t believe this is happening. Alison beams at him. It really does feel good to share!
Oh, and she made him something! She proudly holds up a pair of mittens that she made for him. One of them is missing the pinky.
Oh, btw Vic, I wouldn’t try to shove those in a garbage disposal if I were you.
Sarah and Mrs. S are still trying to get Mr. Duncan out of his safehouse but he refuses to go until they find a red box, because Mr. Duncan is kinda crazy.
Alison is tidying up after her nametag crafting and notices that Vic forgot the gloves she lovingly knitted. She takes them to his room and overhears Vic on the phone with Angela. He’s got dirt on Alison and as soon as his charges are dropped he’ll spill the beans. Alison knows she’s in big trouble.
Meanwhile, Cal is busily hacking into DYAD’s files on his computer, cause he’s a brilliant person and all that. Not as brilliant as he thinks, since he suddenly realizes that someone has hacked back to him and has turned on his computer’s video camera. Cal peers closely at the little green light and it quickly blinks off. Oh shit! They probably saw Kira sleeping in the background.
Mr. Duncan finally finds the red box of junk he needed. Now they can go meet Rachel.
Cal calls Sarah to tell her he’s been compromised and is on the move. He hooks his computer up to a battery and leaves it behind for DYAD to track down. Suckers.
Cosima is having another procedure. I like how they film these scenes, like a love scene. Every touch is gentle and sweet. Cosima watches the monitor as they directly inject the masses in her uterus. It’s the beginning of her getting well, Delphine whispers as she holds Cosima’s hand. Cosima nods but looks nervous.
Alison calls for backup: Felix, of course! She panics about going to jail. She’s not cut out for it. If anyone touches her in the shower she’ll cut them! Felix to the rescue!
Cal and Sarah meet up near some pier. Cal can’t believe they tracked him as he is untraceable. He wants to know what’s going on but Sarah still won’t tell. Cal lets it go. He’s so boring. That Sarah must have one magical clone vagina to keep these guys wanting her.
Paul reports to Leekie about the road trip. He tells him about Helena and Sarah being separated by the Prolethians and lies that Sarah came up empty and never found Mr. Duncan. Leekie pretends to believe him. When Paul leaves Leekie plans an emergency meeting with someone named Marion.
Mrs. S tells Mr. Duncan that it’s time to leave. She reminds him about his precious red box and is shocked when he rips it apart and pulls out a bunch of floppy disks. No big deal, these disks. They just have all the information anyone ever needs for cloning and stuff.
Cosima overhears Delphine arguing with Scott about the secret DNA. Delphine knows the jig is up and spills the beans and let’s just say that Cosima is not pleased to hear they’re using Kira’s DNA that they got from a tooth knocked out in the car accident. Delphine defends herself- after all, Leekie planted that DNA for them to find and she didn’t find out until after the treatment was working. She truthfully says this is the only way.
It’s Family Day at rehab! Alison brings Vic to her room for a talk where Felix is waiting for him. Felix tries to talk Vic out of it and while Vic truly is sorry for ratting on her, he really has to meet with Angela this afternoon. He starts out the door but pauses when Felix blurts out that Sarah isn’t pleased. Sarah is always going to be Vic’s kryptonite.
Leekie meets with the mysterious Marion. He tells her that Rachel’s dad is alive. Marion worries how Rachel will react to this news. Leekie says she will take it personally and basically says she’ll fight them on any move they make against her father. Marion says she’ll lose that fight. She’s also pretty tired of this Sarah Manning person.
Cal and Sarah take Kira for burgers. Cal tries to get Sarah to go to Iceland with him, disappear, the three of them. Sarah can’t do that. There’s other people involved. Sarah still won’t tell him she’s a clone and he’s still okay with it cause, yawn, who cares about him.
Felix and Alison call Sarah from rehab. Alison demands that she comes fix the Vic problem, pretty much blaming her for the situation. Sarah rushes down.
Vic is waiting for her in Alison’s room. He’s nervous, like a schoolboy, and reads something he’s written for her: “Dear Sarah. You are a rock in my stream, blocking the flow.” Sarah’s like, ?????
Sarah tells him he’s atoned for everything and tries to leave but Vic still wants to talk. He hints that maybe she has stuff to apologize for and Sarah’s pretty offended but mostly, let’s just talk about how amazing Felix’s eyeliner and lashes are in this scene, shall we? FABULOUS.
Donnie and the kids show up for Family Day. Alison is absiloutely delighted to see the kids and lavishes love on them while completely ignoring Donnie. Donnie keeps trying to talk to her and his dumb face shows the hurt he feels with each rejection. Aw, I just can’t help but feel sorry for this dolt.
Sarah works on soothing Vic’s feelings. She says she sorry and it’s all good. Vic leans in and whispers that he wants her back, mortifying both Sarah and Felix. Vic presses on, arguing how he’s the one for her. He starts wavering a little then slowly turns away. “Do you smell soft?”
Confetti from the craft supplies rain down on him. Felix shrugs. Looks like Felix spiked Vic’s tea. So much for being sober, Vic.
Mrs. S meets up with Leekie. She wants to make a deal with him. She gives him Duncan and the floppy disks, and Mrs. S gets Kira and they disappear. Sarah will fend for herself. I know Mrs. S is doing this to protect Kira but geeze.
Sarah and Felix are dragging Vic onto the bed when Mrs. S calls. Oh, she wasn’t actually betraying Sarah, she was sneakily finding out what Leekie knows. She reports that Rachel doesn’t know Leekie killed her father. They come up with a plan to tell Rachel and see what damage happens because of it.
The lead counselor knocks on the door and Sarah answers, covering her bang-less forehead with her hand. The counselor thinks she’s Alison and is annoyed that she left the Family Day, seeing as how Alison volunteered for it. She demands that she get back out there this instant. Sarah makes little Alison sounds and grabs a hairband as she leaves, to put over her forehead.
Alison finds Felix trying to hide Vic in her room and tells him this just won’t do. People will be coming in here as part of the tour.
Sarah follows the counselor right into her nightmare. The entire group is gathered for an assembly and the guest speaker is none other than Alison herself! Sarah tries to sink further down in her chair but has no choice and goes to say the opening remarks. Donnie looks on lovingly.
Sarah goes to the front and watching Tatiana play Sarah play Alison under duress is just hilarious. She fumbles her way through a welcoming speech.
Meanwhile, stupid Angela the stupid detective walks into rehab, on the look for Vic. She grabs a leftover nametag from the desk and lets herself in.
Felix is carrying Vic down the hall. Alison tells him to hurry, she has to get back in time for role-playing demonstration!
At the welcoming assembly, the counselor announced it’s time for role playing! Sarah looks ill. I guess Alison’s going to miss it.
Donnie is Sarah/Alison’s partner and he gets right into it, standing up stick straight and putting a hand to his chest and acting uppity. A lightbulb goes off over Sarah’s head, “Oh…! He’s being Alison!” she says to the counselor. When the counselor confirms, Sarah asks, “And I’m being Alison being Donnie?” The counselor explains this is a good way to see things from the other person’s point of view. She instructs Sarah/Alison to continue as Donnie, asking him what’s on his mind.
Sarah stands there and stammers, fumbling even more when she notices Felix and Alison dragging the unconscious down some nearby stairs. Donnie jumps in as Alison, sniping at her to stop stammering and stand up straight. “Or I’ll withhold affection,” he adds snidely, looking to the audience and getting a laugh and snickers. Nice thing to say in front of the kids, Donnie.
The counselor encourages Sarah/Alison to engage. Donnie-as-Alison says that Alison needs supervision. Sarah-as-Alison-as-Donnie says that her name is Donnie and she monitors her wife’s every move. She’s not doing it right and everyone is confused and this is comedy gold. Finally, Sarah just gives up and whispers to the counselor that she really has to ‘tinkle’. That is exactly what Alison would say, too.
Angela walks around, looking for Vic and narrowly missing seeing him being dragged around. Felix hides and uses Vic’s phone to text her that he’s outside. Angela’s annoyed but it works. She walks back towards the entrance.
Alison, Sarah and Felix all meet back in Alison’s room. Alison’s in the middle of ranting about the role play fiasco when Donnie walks in and catches the two clones together. Donnie is completely stunned. Stunned. Turns out he didn’t know he was monitoring Alison and sure didn’t know anything about clones. I knew it!
Angela comes back inside the rehab, livid that Vic wasn’t outside like he’d texted. There’s a small crowd around the front desk and she walks up to see a drugged Vic groaning on the floor. Looks like she won’t be able to use anything he tells her now. Ha! Suck it, Angela.
Hot Paul brings Rachel to Mrs. S’s house to meet her father. Rachel is silent and clearly overwhelmed and trying to hide it and keep it together. Mrs. S warns Rachel that she’ll put a bullet in her father’s head if anyone from DYAD tries anything.
Rachel is brought to the kitchen. Her eyes are filled with tears but she manages to say hello. She slowly walks to him and sits down at the table and listens as her father tells her how Leekie killed her mother. She weeps. Say what you will about Rachel, she loved her parents.
Donnie explains to Alison that he had no idea and thought it was just a study from a class in college. Sociology 201 – Long term Social Metrics. The subject had to be unaware. It was benign. Alison is incredulous. What about when the van of men would come at night and take her for medical probing? Was that benign? Donnie didn’t know that was happening. He’s overwhelmed.
Sarah and Felix leave to give them privacy. It’s getting ugly.
Alison spits out that he ruined their marriage. She loves him so much and he ruined it with the spying and the lies. He’s so stupid that he doesn’t even know why he ruined it or that he did. She storms out and Donnie is crushed….then the look he gets on his face is nothing short of alarming.
Rachel is waiting for Leekie in his office. She gets right to the point about her parents. “My father sends his regards.”
Leekie tries to tell her to step carefully, and to put this all behind you. Don’t fight. Ha, Rachel’s already won. She makes a call on speaker phone to Marion. Marion says Leekie lost his way with Sarah Manning. Such a shame. Let her know when it’s done.
Remember when Dr. Leekie sent his regards to creepy Olivier with the tail? How ironic that Leekie is now in the same boat.
Rachel coldly tells Leekie to leave. Don’t get in your car. Don’t go home. He might even survive. She knows it’s foolish to spare him but he raised her. Leekie is almost crying and thanks her. He slowly, cautiously, steps towards her and gives her a small kiss on the forehead. He runs out.
Leekie walks the streets, thinking, and a car starts to follow him.
Sarah drives back to the pier where Cal and Kira are still hiding in the camper. She gets a sad phone call from Cosima who explains everything about her procedure and the need for Kira’s teeth.
Sarah and Cal argue about it outside the camper. He doesn’t get why Cosima needs Kira’s tooth and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want Kira harvested. Kira overhears and immediately gets some thread. She gives a little screech when she yanks it out and holds it up when Cal and Sarah rush in. “Will this help? It was already loose.” Kira rules.
Sarah and Kira buckle up in her truck. They’re going back. Cal gives Kira a big hug and kiss goodbye and makes sure Kira remembers the phone number he told her. She does. His goodbye to Sarah is decidedly less warm. They stare at each other. Good, I hope this stupid romance is over. Hot Paul forever!
Leekie is trying and failing to hail a cab when Donnie pulls up and demands he get in. Leekie scoffs. He’s got real problems right now. Donnie holds up a gun and says it again. Leekie rolls his eyes but gets in the car.
“You lied to me,” Donnie hisses. Leekie denies it. Donnie is livid that he came into his house and probed at his wife. Leekie thinks Donnie is less than nothing, calling him a ‘turnip’ and saying no one will ever care about anything Donnie’s done in this experiment except as a footnote.
Donnie’s crying, saying that Leekie ruined his marriage and his wife hates him. “I gave you your wife,” Leekie snarls. Wow. Harsh.
Fine. It’s over. Donnie won’t participate anymore. He quits! As he shouts the words he slams his hand down on the steering wheel and the gun discharges, blowing Leekie’s brains all over the inside of the car. WHOOPS.
Bad times for Donnie.