Walking Dead 5.3 – Four Walls And A Roof

Why is this grizzled man so damn sexy to me? IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE EYES? Probably.

Why is this grizzled man so damn sexy to me? IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE EYES? Probably.

Previously! Oooh, there was some awesome resolution in this episode, and a cliffhanger that has me itchy with need. Also, I hope you know how unhappy with myself I am for not managing a Bob’s Burger joke last week. (And that show is gold, Bob’s Burger. Pure D-Gold.)

Let’s get straight to a beautiful bit of symbolism.

We have an opening shot of Walkers, gummy eyed and hungry, gasping and biting at a window as Gareth and his group gnaw off some more of that Medic Bob slow-smoked meat. Finger-licking good! Gareth’s face reflects in the glass as he puts his hand up to match one of theirs, and this reflection puts him square in the middle of the Walkers.

“The glass is going to break. Sooner or later.”

He’s going to be them, in other words. There’s just that thin membrane—see-through and fragile—that separates the two groups. [kisses fingers]

Gareth falls victim to Evil Super-villain Shortcoming #2: he has to tell Bob everything. The marks on the trees? Directional so they can get back to Terminus, and even he realizes how how silly that is. Get back to what? And hey, they started off by giving people a choice, the old “you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help your kid” mantra, except instead of oxygen masks it was eating your kid like starving bears do, but you feel him. You get it. You can always make another cub. A tender, veal-like cub. With a molasses and pomegranate glaze, mmm.

TWD gif for Gareth's sob story

Gareth then goes off on how delicious women are, that subcutaneous layer of fat, right? See, ladies? Cellulite is natural and flavor-enhancing! We now know that he knows Carol and Daryl drove off, so there goes that smorgasbord, but hey, there’s still Sasha! Now, now, don’t get pissed, Bob, because at least Gareth is talking to you, okay? How many chefs talk to their porterhouse steaks, hmm? Oh, Bob wasn’t crying, Gareth. He was building up laughter. And how freaking vindicated do we feel, guys? Because he yells out, “You idiots.” He pulls his sleeve off his shoulder. “I’ve been bitten, you stupid pricks!” OH SNAP!

Bob's meat brings all the ebola to the yard.

Bob’s meat brings all the ebola to the yard.

They start making themselves puke. Gareth says we cooked him, so it’s okay. Is it?? We’ll see. Side note: horror movie writers/directors? We all read Stephen King. We all know the whole “crying turns to hysterical laughter” trope, and I hate it. Why? Because no one does that. At least not as often as the genre would have us believe. Is this just me? Like, that always bugs me. It’s such a movie thing. Anyhoodle…

Sasha is looking for Bob, sees the horizontal mark on the tree. She has a night scope, sees someone slink off—one of Gareth’s group—and gets caught by two Walkers, but takes them out as Rick and Ty check on her. Now they all know Daryl and Carol are gone.

Back at the church, they question Gabriel. They’re being watched, people are missing… He’s to blame. He has to be, right? Has to be in cahoots somehow! He says he’s innocent, she pulls a knife.

Sasha: Who’s out there? WHERE ARE OUR PEOPLE?
Gabriel: [breaks into cold sweat, trembles]
Rick: You think I’m stupid? What, I look like a clown to you?
Gabriel: I mean, a little? That beard is getting ridiculous–
Gabriel: Jesus! Oops, sorry. [crosses self] So I kept all the food to myself and locked my congregation out? I could hear everyone dying, that was pretty awful, then I started reciting all the scriptures about the dead arising, but when it was all clear, I’d bury the dead bodies? So… that’s my story?
Me: Bull shit. There’s more! Also, he buried the bodies?? [You moved the headstones but you left the bodies!] Does this mean we’re going to have a rainstorm loosening up the dirt and dead bodies are going to arise from the ground all around the church? Like when the Governor went to attack the prison?! Because I’m telling you right now, this is going to happen. Every scripture in the background alludes to this. YOU WATCH. Oh my gosh, I am so excited, I want this to be true.

Gabriel knows he’s damned for this, and the Lord has sent Rick for his Day of Reckoning. I just… how can you still be religious in the face of this apocalypse? I just don’t get it, and guys, I grew up Fundamentalist, okay? (I mean, clearly I got better. But still.)

Outside, someone is lying out in the grass: BOB. Some Walkers creep up on him, are quickly dispatched, then Bob is brought inside. Did you guys see the A in blood on the wall of the church? TRAIN CAR A?? Why? No, really. Why the A?

Bob catches them up, says Gareth’s group—about six total—are at a sort of school eating his leg. (That is not on the approved school menu, Gareth.)

PROTIP: Protein consumption: how much is enough? The average sedentary person should consume about 50g of protein a day, slightly less for smaller-framed women. Note the “sedentary.” The more active you are, the more you need. But! Protein heavy diets (anything 35% of your daily caloric intake) will boost your metabolism and cause weight loss, reducing your daily caloric intake. This is a double-edged sword. You eat more Bob, you lose more weight. You get hungry, so you eat more Bob. More Bob can lead to kidney issues (thanks for the Kidney stone and renal failure, BOB.) which leads to more needs for fresh water, which puts you in open areas of collection, which puts you in danger of attack. Which means you’re going to fight, which means burning off that Bob you ate, hitting your fat stores (and if you’re a lady, makes you DELICIOUS) leaving you a wizened piece of jerky needing more Bob to keep going. Never ending cycle of finding, killing, cooking, and eating Bobs. [rainbow hand: the more you know!]

Sasha gets a look at Bob’s bite. Well, there goes Bob. Ty carries him into Gabriel’s office to slowly die. Yeesh.

Rick gets the intel on how close the school is, but Abraham just wants to head off to DC while the getting’s good.

Abraham: I’ll fight you on this!

Glenn gets in between them, telling Abraham it’s dumb to leave in the middle of the night. A big group is smarter, safer. Tara wants one day more, but will go with Abraham no matter what.

Eugene: Well, they [points to Tara and Rick] have a—
Abraham: [growls]
Eugene: Okay.
Glenn: Uh, you’re both idiots. We’ll figure this out in the morning.

Bob, under the Last Supper carving—oooh, sick burn on Bob!—with Sasha tries to play his “silver linings” game for the last time. She’s not interested anymore.

Bob: You could humor me a little bit.


Sasha asks why he didn’t tell her, and he says, “I knew it would be all about the end. And I really liked the middle.” I really like this, and he’s right. Now everyone is fixated on him dying. Um, but that’s because he’s going to turn into a flesh eater, so… They both have valid points.

Rick has a risky plan (we don’t know what it is yet) but everyone is in on it. Sasha puts on her game face, tells Ty to put Bob down quickly if it happens while she’s gone. Girl knows what’s at stake, and I like it.

Our group marches out in the night—Maggie, Glenn, Michonne, Sasha, Rick—ready for bloodshed. Gabriel watches, slinks into the shadows, locks the door, because he always locks the door at night. Carl has a side arm, sitting with those remaining: Ty, Rosita, Judith, Eugene. Um.

The walkers claw at the glass at the school, just a thin barrier, remember. (Side note: what’s inside the courtyard keeping their attention? You’ll see why I’m asking in a minute.)

An arrow points at St. Sarah’s Church where our group has melted into the darkness, headed off to the school. Six people creep out of the woods on the other side of the street, loaded for bear. (ha.) It’s Gareth and his men. They have all of their gear on, quietly get to the church, break in. Carl’s ready, though. Gabriel prays, which is LITERALLY the least he can do in this situation. Literally.

Gareth calls out calmly. “We’re armed. So there’s really no point in hiding any more. We’ve been watching you. We know who’s here. There’s Bob… Eugene, Rosita, Tyrese, Carl, Judith.” They know Rick left with guns. WHAT. ABOUT. ABRAHAM YOU BIG DUMMIES.

Eugene sees a placard with “Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn’t misuse it.” Hahaha.

Gareth leads them deeper into the church, to the door where they’re all hiding. And they’ve reconfigured the scripture board—there were two last week, one on either side of the archway. Now all the scriptures are on one of them, and we have a better layout of the one I couldn’t figure out (I fixed it in last week’s recap):

ROM 6:4 “Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead […] even so we also should walk in newness of life.”

EZE 37:7 “So I prophesied […] there was a noise, and behold a shaking, and the bones came together, bone to his bone.” I AM TELLING YOU, I AM RIGHT ABOUT THE BODIES OUTSIDE.

MA 27:52 “And the graves were opened and many bodies of the saints which slept arose” SEE?

RE 9:6 “And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.”

LU 24:5 “Why seek ye the living among the dead?” Because they’re hungry, Luke. Gareth is starving.

Gareth tries to coax everyone out, offering amnesty to Gabriel. “Just open the door and you can go. You can take the baby with you.” Judith starts crying. SHIT. BABIES ARE RUINERS WHO RUIN THINGS.

“I don’t know,” Gareth smirks—he’s totally the guy who smirks, “maybe we’ll keep the kid!” he says, turning to the correct door where they’re all hidden. On menu tonight: bear cub by the name of Judith!

They’re about to hit the hinges, when two of the six get head-tapped. SILENCERS! Gareth turns in shock, because YEAH, YOUR RECON WAS INFERIOR, MUH FUH, BECAUSE THAT WAS RICK.

He tells them to put their guns on the floor, Gareth runs his mouth, RICK SHOOTS HIS GEE DEE FINGERS OFF, tells DTB to put his gun on floor and kneel.


They all comply. Martin, aka DTB won’t. Says he still has a choice. Abraham creeps up on him.

Abraham: [creeping up like a total ginger-ninja] Wanna bet?

Dibs on post-punk band Ginger Ninja! When the Ginge try to get at you, drop it like it’s hot! Drop it like it’s hot!

Rick has a massive silencer on his Colt. Oh, he’s not going to shoot, because bullets are precious, Gareth gets it, right?

Gareth goes on about them having saved people, but things change, yadda. “You don’t know what it is to be hungry,” Gareth says. ORLY? “We can walk away. We will never cross paths again.”

But… you’ll cross SOMEONE’S path. You’ll do this to anyone. Besides, Rick already made you a promise. AND THEN MACHETE TO HEAD, THEY GET TO KILLING CANNIBALS, WOW, RICK, ABRAHAM, SASHA, MICHONNE! (Maggie and Tara look on)

TWD 1 Rick kills gareth TWD 2 Michonne kills Termite

Ty peeks out, disturbed. Nut up, cowboy, sheesh! It’s the End Of Days, Ty.

Michonne finds her katana, pulls it out shuddering. Me, too, Michonne. Mmm, you get that sword out. (I’m sorry, but she’s my Apocalypse bride. I love her.)

“This is the Lord’s house,” Gabriel cries.

“No,” Maggie replies. “It’s just four walls and a roof.” Again I ask, how can you believe in a god in this world?

The next morning, everyone pays their respects to Bob, who says, “Nightmares end. They shouldn’t end who you are. And that is just this dead man’s opinion.” Well, enough with the making me finally like people when they die, show. ANDREA FLASHBACK.

Sasha sits with him as he smiles, coming out of a sleep where he was dreaming about her smiling at him. The good coming out of this bad, the silver lining, she asks? And nothing. No answer. Because there isn’t anything. He’s dead. See how pointless that game is in the end? DO YOU SEE? [knuckles tears]

She steels herself, pulls her blade, but Ty comes in and takes it from her. “Give it here.” She kisses his hand and leaves. (WHAT IS THE PAINTING IN THAT ROOM? People huddled around a dead body, and I know it’s significant, but I can’t for the life of me remember which one it is. Anyone?) Ty puts his knife to Bob’s temple, pushes it in, shaking and trembling. Well, there’s no question he followed through here. Angel of death, angel of mercy.

Cut to a cross being fashioned out of sticks and random rope—

Protip: always scavenge and salvage jute rope! In a pinch it can be firestarter, only an inch is needed.

—as Sasha says her final goodbye to Army Medic Red Shirt Bob. Abraham gives Rick the ol’ We’re Seeing Eye To Eye, Man Style look as he gives Rick a map with their future DC destination drawn out. And… Glenn and Maggie leave with Abraham, Rosita and Eugene. WHAAAAAAAT. WHAT ABOUT BETH? MAGGIE. Have you forgotten about your sister?! Trick question. Of course she has.

"It's a quiz. Do you like me? Check Y/N. omgpleasecheckY."

“It’s a quiz. Do you like me? Check Y/N. omgpleasecheckY.”

(In the map: Abraham has written: sorry I was an asshole. The new world is gonna need Rick Grimes.” Aww, these boys making up!)

Rick helps Ty dig another grave for all the Terminus dweebs, realizing he never asked Ty how is was for him getting to Terminus.

Ty: It killed me
Rick: No, it didn’t
Ty: Okay, not literally, jeez. I’m a poet at heart, Sheriff.

Michonne keeps watch that night with her katana.

Gabriel: I can’t sleep. Saying what happened before, out loud, I see it all over again. I hear them—
Michonne: [envisions her child, her former pets] Yeah, that won’t stop. Suck it up, Rev.

They hear rustling. She’s immediately on guard with her katana drawn, creeping closer to the noise. HONEY YOU HAVE A SWORD THEY COULD HAVE A GUN GET SOME COVER OR SERPENTINE.

Daryl comes out. Alone.

TWD last shot Daryl

This is the face of a man perpetually in pain. Baby, I got what you need. (Don’t make this weird, guys. It’s just my maternal streak. *cough*)

“Where’s Carol?”

He grimaces, pauses. “Come out.”


Next week looks like it’s all about BETH. OMG.

Stuff I wanna talk about:

Who the hell is with Daryl? Okay, if it was Carol, she’d just come out. She wouldn’t need to wait for Daryl to clear things for her. If it was Beth, he’d say something to prepare Michonne. He doesn’t know Morgan. So who the hell is it? OOOH. What if it’s Carol with a child or something? Why is there this pause for Michonne to see? What do you think?

Also, I wanna talk about another parallel and that I still don’t trust Gabriel. Gabriel said earlier, “I always lock the doors at night.” It’s because of the dead arising. Now, isn’t this a neat little parallel with Morgan in the very first episode with Morgan’s wife at the door, trying to open the locked knob??

I am telling you here and now, there is going to be a bursting forth of Walkers from the ground.

Reminder to any new folks: I am spoiler-free. I don’t read the comics, I have no idea what’s coming, and that’s what makes it fun. Don’t talk about spoilers or the comics here, please please. That’s just a jerky thing to do.

Click here for Episode 4: SLABTOWN