Sleepy Hollow 2.12 – Paradise Lost

sh 201 promo image abbie ichabod branches

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Apocalypse averted, whew! So surely now we’ll see how the characters reacted to the crazysauce turnaround of Henry offing Moloch!  And we’ll get to figure out what Henry’s game is?

Um. Nope. Nope nope nope. Aside from a quick reaction sequence (in which Henry has ~mysteriously~ gone missing), we get shunted to “six weeks later.” This seems a lost opportunity for drama and character development, but pfftt, don’t listen to me, because we’re off to the farmer’s market!

Oooh, a grody wormy apple! Is this ickiness due to the “working[s] of an unholy ceremony”? Or is organic sometimes not the way to go?

These biscotti had better be locally sourced.

Did you really want to see the gif of the wormy apple instead? All I know is, those biscotti had better be locally sourced.

Ichabod, after railing all fruit is organic, says yes! Wormy apple = evil!  Abbie thinks the two of them are afraid to acknowledge they might have put evil to bed permanently, because then what would they do with their lives? Get Ichabod a job, for one, so Abbie might not have to keep paying the Cranes’ way? Haha, I know; I’m nuts!

Also, didn’t Frank Irving just die a martyr or something? Anyone want to talk about that at the outset, seeing how it was kind of a big deal?  Anyone? *clears throat*

Time to head to Wilcox Farms, where Ichabod has a little existential crisis (“What is my place in the world?”), and implies Abbie should be looking for a husband (because marriage worked out so well for him). After Ichabod apologizes for demeaning modern women, a nearby barn lights up and lets out some chanting. Turns out evil still is afoot, yay!

Wow, those are some gnarly demon worshipers. Or, you know, just demons, because our heroes start shooting them immediately with gun and crossbow (wouldn’t it be awkward if they were nerdy evil zealots wearing demon masks?). But hold up, because a guy with black wings hurls a holy halo Frisbee at the baddies, banishing them.

Did it hurt?  When you fell from heaven?  No, seriously, because those black wings just scream fall from grace.  In a hot way.

Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven? No, seriously, because those black wings just scream fall from grace. In a hot way.

“I’m Orion,” our new dark-haired Angel McHotterson says. “Are you friend or foe?” Well, that depends on what side you’re on, Orion, because I’m thinking, you know, black wings? Pretty fallen looking. Though Abbie and Ichabod are a little suspicious, they buy that Orion escaped from Purgatory when Moloch bit it, and is on a mission to kill the Moloch-supporters who got out at the same time.

Meanwhile, Katrina performs some lacy-topped goth sexy magic, binding the room where Abraham is stowed in chains.

Building a mystery -- or doing spells in an ensemble from Plasticland.  Whichever.

Building a mystery — or doing spells in an ensemble from Plasticland. Whichever.

I’m not sure why, exactly; every time they’ve used that chamber we’ve heard how it’s super impenetrable. I guess someone just wanted to see Katrina stir things.

Abraham, still trapped, is understandably skeptical when Katrina says she’s looking for a way to return him to his former self. What’s in it for her? Apparently she feels responsible for turning him. Uh, no, actually; if he decided to become the Horseman of Death just because she skipped out on their engagement, that’s all on him.

Katrina sends Ichabod a text, because enchanted carrier crows are sooooo 2014. Really, though, can’t she poof up a message instead of texting? DO SOME ACTUAL MAGIC, OMG!  Abbie promises to stay on guard; Lucifer was an angel, after all, and Orion might not be on the up-and-up.

Jenny calls, because Abbie forgot to meet her for Mission: Bartender Boning down at Mabie’s pub. But since evil is at hand, Jenny has to call Hawley to see if he can scrounge up any magical artefacts for day-saving.

Orion hand-waves all of Abbie’s curious questions about god, heaven, and dinosaurs, instead mentioning he served in the angelic hosts before he broke ranks. So. Kinda fallen? He seems glad to be out of Purgatory, turning his face up to the sky so we can congratulate the casting director for landing another hot candidate for Abbie’s affections.

Seems Katrina wants a favor from Ichabod, on account of how she helped Ichabod and Abbie all those times. Ahahahaha, oh my god, MY SIDE! Did Katrina help even once? Seriously, aside from sending the afore-referenced carrier crow that one time, what has she contributed to the Witnesses’ mission? Sure, she’s hindered it tons of times. Maybe she thinks they owe her because of that?

Also, since when did Katrina get Corbin’s cabin in her not-divorce from Ichabod? Ichabod’s living in the archives to give his wife that space where he formerly resided, but uh, it doesn’t belong to either of them. Abbie, you want that cabin back, you just say so.

When Ichabod seems wary, Katrina has another card to play. Their love turned Abraham into what he is today (still contesting that, K.); now, their love can save him! Gosh. Am I the only one who thinks that seems manipulative? The whole thing is stinky; it seems like now that Henry’s missing, Katrina’s urge to redeem her son has just been projected onto Abraham.

Back at the barn, Orion explains those demons are searching for a new master, a servant of Moloch: “the rider known as death: Headless.” Hold on a sec; anyone else wondering if when we do find Henry (because surely he’ll turn up again like a bad penny), he’ll be the new demonic leader? I pretty much assumed so when he killed Moloch; everyone knows that whole kill the alpha, absorb his delicious power spiel?

Abbie isn’t thinking that far ahead, though. Instead, she tells Orion she’ll take him to Abraham so he can destroy him.

What about wanting to kill the Headless Horseman?  Well, that's the one thing we've got!  Shut up; Breakfast at Tiffany's lyrics references are still relevant.

What about wanting to kill the Headless Horseman? Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got! Shut up; Breakfast at Tiffany’s lyrics references are still relevant.

Hawley arrives at Mabie’s to cockblock Jenny and drag her out on some side-mission involving a demon egg. Come on, Bartender Mike seems like a hot and adorable way to spend a few nights; back off, Hawley!

Hey, anyone else wonder if Henry somehow summoned Orion? Not that Orion seems precisely on the side of bad, but he’s dark grey enough to make me wonder if his quest to destroy Abraham wouldn’t serve Henry’s purposes.

Orion gives Abbie a magic charm that matches his holy halo Frisbee, telling her if she thinks of him, he’ll find her. They meet up with Katrina and Ichabod and re-pair off, so Orion can totally give up the game to tell Katrina he’s there to kill Abraham. While Ichabod and Abbie hammer out their differences in opinion (Ichabod wants to let Katrina try to redeem Abraham, though who the hell knows why?), Katrina hightails it out to save Abraham from Orion’s holy halo Frisbee.

Katrina gets Abraham to pinky swear that he won’t kill anyone while she works out the bugs in that pesky transform-from-a-Horseman-of-the-Apocalypse thingy.

Would you trust this stringy-haired cranky minion of Satan?  Katrina would.

Would you trust this stringy-haired cranky minion of Satan? Katrina would.

Orion is livid Abraham was set free; Abbie is on his side, because she doesn’t get why the monster that killed her father figure (and tons of other folks, remember!) should get a second chance.

Finally Ichabod climbs aboard the “hey, Katrina, that was a dick move,” train, criticizing her for using their marriage “as leverage.” Wow, I’m surprised he actually called her on that. He still wants to follow Katrina’s plan to save Abraham first, though, so it doesn’t feel like Katrina really has to face huge consequences here.

Ichabod resolves to search Apocryphal sources to learn if Orion is good or not (has no one else noticed his BLACK WINGS?) while Abbie takes the “feet on the pavement” approach to searching for Abraham and those demonic minions that want to make him their fearless leader. Katrina has no plan to help whatsoever, which can only be a good thing.

Jenny and Hawley get a little bickering scene, mostly to insert them into the episode as per their contract agreements. We do learn that, gasp, Hawley was jealous of Bartender Mike! Hawley, were you not basically drawing hearts around your and Abbie’s initials just six weeks ago?

Any Mills will do, Hawley?

Any Mills will do, Hawley?

Do you switch affections between the Mills sisters so very easily? Or did the writers honestly forget they had that bit of characterization cooked up while they were on winter hiatus?  It’s hard remembering this stuff on your tropical holidays, I bet.

Oh, and Hawley figures out they are supposed to smash their demon egg to find a glowing orb that lets him envision and locate those demonic minions. Jenny calls Abbie with the location, but Abbie gets her own backup; she summons Orion using his charm, and he CGI-flies himself to land on the scene.

Orion stands and broods, and the fanfiction begins.

Orion stands and broods, and the fanfiction begins.

Whoops, Ichabod phones with the unwelcome news that Orion might cause great catastrophes instead of preventing them. Abbie brave-faces it with Orion while the demonic minions do a little bloodletting bit to let their master “draw the blood of his enemies”. Abraham, in his Headless guise, dumps a bunch of things into their vat. I have absolutely no idea why.

With some careful questioning from Abbie, Orion reveals he’s not just there to destroy the bad but “rebuild and remake” the world into a paradise by lancing evil from humans. That can’t be good. Ah, he particularly wants to kill Abraham not only because Abraham defeated him back at Valley Forge, but because Abraham’s axe will make Orion a zillion times stronger. That way, Orion will totally be able to cull all wickedness from the flock (pretty much a fancy version of Bender’s “kill all humans!”) and reign over a golden age — with Abbie?

Abraham and Orion have it out with their respective weapons, while Ichabod arrives on the scene to help Abbie escape a demon with a sickle. Though Orion seems to triumph, landing his holy halo Frisbee in Abraham’s back, Ichabod destroys the angelic circle and stop Orion from gaining power and riding Revelations over everyone. Orion snaps at Abbie and takes to the skies; apparently he’s still in the game, and in the credits.

Though Abraham advances on Ichabod and Abbie with his axe raised, Katrina shows up to remind him of his pinky promise. Back at the cabin, Ichabod remonstrates with Katrina for using “our marriage as a bargaining tool.” She claims she just wants his support; he counters that she always had it. They vow to start over, though he quietly leaves, saying “one small step at a time.”

So, not a hell of a lot of progress on the Crane marriage front; most of this seems recycled tensions from earlier episodes this season. Yet the theme of reinvention that dominated this episode appears almost entirely focused on their domestic future, even though as far as we can tell, it’s going to be more of the same. Why did the Mills sisters only get one episode for their backstory again?

Abbie and Ichabod kind of half-apologize to each other for siding with someone else during the episode and again agree that they complement each other well. “Our bond cannot be broken,” Ichabod affirms. I usually love hearing that stuff, but I’m going to need more focus on Ichabod and Abbie together, instead of just Abbie as a side-lined support to Ichabod while he angsts over his marriage, okay?

At the station alone, Abbie picks up Orion’s charm. So it would seem she might still have recourse to her morally grey guardian angel in future episodes. Let the shipping of Abbie and Orion begin!

“Can I help you?” says a bored clerk at a convenience store. Hey, it’s still-alive zombie Irving! Did anyone really doubt he would come back? “You can’t be in here without shoes,” the clerk says, kind of missing the point of a guy who seems like he has brimstone and sulfur just wafting right off him.



Irving gulps milk from the carton and looks generally sweaty and awful. Milk does not always do a body good , it would seem.

“Where am I?” Irving asks weakly. “Is this heaven or hell?” “Neither, man. It’s Sleepy Hollow” says the clerk, getting the absolute best line of the season in, boom!

So what did you all think of Sleepy Hollow‘s return to prime time? Did you like Katrina and her Hot Topic outfits more than I did? Are you already imagining ways that Orion might become a teensy bit less of an extremist zealot so that he and Abbie can get it on? Are any of you wondering if Mike the Bartender will ever get a shot at the awesome Jenny? I want to know! We don’t get our next episode for two more weeks, so plenty of time to tell me your your thoughts in comments!