Walking Dead 5.11 – The Distance

Is it just me, or does he look like a young Lorne Michaels?

Is it just me, or does he look like a young Lorne Michaels?

Previously: They meet a Jehovah’s Witnesses with Good News.

The cleanest man in the Apocalypse is now in the hands of Sasha and Maggie. Or is he?

Yeah, he is.

Maggie brings Aaron back to the group, who all pull weapons because they’re smart. Judith starts to cry, and just like them sensing evil in Walmart (that’s why babies always cry inside one), she’s picking up on something. At least that’s what Rick thinks, compounded when he realizes they cleared a weapon—a flare gun—from New Guy. OHO.

Sheriff asks about his nearby camp.

“He wants us to ‘audition’ for membership,” Maggie says. UH. I was told there would be no jazz hands in the making of this apocalypse?

Aaron: we have a community, and we think you guys could fit in? But I get it. You’re nervous. Here, see the treasures hidden in my pack!

Treasures? Oh, they’re pictures, but Daryl has 0 fucks to give for those. Aaron gives a “people are what make us awesome. EVERYTHING is awesome where we live! So how about you guys—”

Rick punches him out. Daryl smiles to himself, I laugh because oh, Rick. So paranoid and distrustful and KEEPING EVERYONE ALIVE (well, mostly. Save his wife and best friend and Jedi Mentor and Jedi Mentor’s singing daughter and…)

Michonne questions Rick’s plan of attack in that he always seems to attack, but Rick thinks this guy and his “group” are after them and their precious resources. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE THINKING. FOLKS. Aaron, who I can’t help but say “Ay-Ay-Ron in my head a la Key & Peele, comes to, says he admires how smart they’re all being. Because it doesn’t really matter what he says, Rick is gonna think what he thinks, he gets it. [smile]

It’s hard to trust anyone who smiles after being punched in the face.

[slides out, waves hand:] PREE-SINT

[slides out, waves hand:] PREE-SINT

Ay-ay-ron’s group apparently admires that they’re still people as well as survivors. It’s the most important resource in the world! (Pretty sure that’s potable water, but hey, I’m just a professional pretend apocalypse survivor, what do I know?? Spoiler alert: everything.)

Rick: …Yeah. So how many are there?
Ay-ay-ron: [guitar riffs] Why don’t you come with me, little girl! On a magic carpet ride!
Me: UH, THEY’VE SEEN CANNIBALS, AY-AY-RON. They can’t trust you! Never trust anyone who pulls out Steppenwolf! Or wears Lands End like he’s got a super busy Saturday of Bed, Bath & Beyond and maybe Lowe’s, who knows?

Unfortunately, while Rick doesn’t believe him, Michonne does. And Maggie. (Shit.) Michonne will sacrifice herself for the sake of Judith, as well as for Glenn and Maggie. Rick is VERY unhappy, but sends Abraham and Rosita along to act as security, which is AWESOME.

In 60 minutes, if there’s no word, Rick’s group will come after them. Which might be what Ay-ay-ron’s group wants. They leave Ay-ay-ron with Rick in the barn, and everyone files out. When Rick points his six shooter in his face, Ay-ay-ron says he worked in Africa, so he’s not scared of guns. UH.

QUESTION: why are all the women wearing skintight pants? They’re not comfortable. Where are some loose-yet-close-fitting cargo pants with an elastic waist band? I’m just saying, it’s important to bend, kick and stretch without hitching up the back of your fashionable skinny jeans err-damn minute.

Meanwhile, Rick is trying to smash up food for Judith, who is crying. Ay-ay-ron doesn’t want Judith crying because it will draw out Walkers, and if they go to his group, why, no one would ever be able to hear her cry from the MASSIVE, GIANT, SAFE walls keeping everyone inside! So as a show of good faith, he has some applesauce in his bag-o-tricks. How convenient!

Rick makes Ay-ay-ron taste the food. Ay-ay-ron doesn’t like it, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You’re not going to save your ass and eat a food your gee-mom-mom made you dislike because she didn’t put enough sugar in it?

Rick: Are you shitting me, bro?
Ay-ay-ron: [makes a yucky face but eats it]

Walking Dead Rick Grimes

Michonne still says Aaron is telling the truth as they walk up on the cars Aaron mentioned. Walkers come out of the woods and Rosita/Abraham dispatch them with ease. They check out the RV, find Sketti-Os, and we learn that Abraham will eat his weight in them, given the opportunity. (Wow would I hate to share a tent with him if he did.)

They bring the RV’s food back to Rick, who says it’s all theirs, sorry, Ay-ay-ron. Michonne still says she believes Ay-ay-ron because she needs it. THEY need it. Daryl isn’t sure, but he could be convinced. Okay, if Daryl is joining team “Maybe” then it looks like they’re going.

Well, Ay-ay-ron isn’t okay with not driving, so… MOTHER TRUCKER? COME ON.

Rick: HOW DO YOU THINK YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO GIVE INSTRUCTIONS?

Rick: HOW DO YOU THINK YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO GIVE INSTRUCTIONS?

Ay-ay-ron: Okay. North on Route 16, I’ll tell you the rest when we get there
Rick: Not happening. We’re taking 23 just because.
Ay-ay-ron: Oh, good! We’re all gonna die. Good thinking, cowboy.
Rick: Dude, we’re gonna serpentine, I’m no dummy.

Rick reminds Michonne that it was nice when they first approached Woodbury and Terminus, too. So. He’s just supposed to bring his family in? No. He’s gonna see first. SERPENTINE.

Our group drives in the dead of night along route 23 with Ay-Ay-ron in tow, finding loads of license plates from all over in there. He has “pictures” of his house to show Michonne. Mmmm. CALLING BULLSHIT. I think they’re pictures he’s gathered, not unlike the license plates. MORE ON THIS AT THE END.

She notices there are no pictures of anyone else. At all. She asks Rick if he asked him the Three Questions. SHIT. Come on, Sheriff!! In a panic while driving, she asks:

  • How many Walkers? IDK? A lot?
  • How many people? Two
  • Why? Because they tried to kill me?

And then Rick finds spy gear. OHO. He’s been listening to them? CAN’T FOCUS ON THAT, THEY HIT A HERD and that car acts as a batering ram, plowing through them. Important: why aren’t they using their damn wipers?? It’s a pretty bad ass shot, though. But seriously: RUN THE WIPERS.

They stop the car, can’t find the RV—shit–and of course the law of averages mean the car won’t start back up. Michonne gets out, pulls arms/limbs from the engine to help out, and because this is TWD, it does.

Walking Dead Michonne Walkers

A flare shines in the sky, Ay-Ay-ron freaks out. “This is over, I have to go.” They all run after him in the woods towards where the flare was shot, making their way through stragglers from the main herd of Walkers. They lose Glenn, SHIT, who is almost caught but fights his way free, WHEW!! Seriously, no harming of Glenn Rhee, you hear me?

A full moon means they should be able to get away with relative ease, all things considered. Glenn helps Ay-Ay-ron out of the clutches of a Walker, and attempts to go off on his own. That is, until Ay-Ay-ron drops the whole “we can all work together” thread.

Awesome shot during this wooded escape: Rick shooting a flare into a Walkers skull, illuminating all the Walkers coming to kill him and Michonne, shit Rick is out of bullets and there’s too many for Michonne to handle alone. But random gunfire saves the day, aka Glenn and Ay-Ay-ron.

They get to 16, which is empty, RICK. They push on, they get to a settlement, where someone (Ay-Ay-ron?)whistles a tune, which gets a reply. And then Carl, Daryl pour out of a building with hugs and smiles, it looks like I was wrong about this place! (I still don’t think so.)

PROTIP: ESTABLISH SIGNALS FOR SAFETY AND DANGER, both vocal, visual, and physical such as handshakes, finger taps, whistles, arm movements, etc. Maybe make the DANGER signal something other than BUM BUM BUM!

Ay-Ay-ron runs in to check his (lover? NICE!) Eric, who has a broken ankle, tended to by Maggie. This is just a stopping point, btw. That flare made Aaron think the worst. AWW. THEY’RE IN LOVE. And he really is collecting license plates! I think he’s collecting other things, too. MORE AT THE END.

Gay Kiss Walking Dead

Rick meets with Eric briefly, but Ay-Ay-ron wants a group meeting. He thanks them for saving Eric, and says he owes them. And when they get to Alexandria, they’ll get paid in full. Can they camp out that night? Sure, but he can’t be with Eric. CONSTANT VIGILENCE! Rick shouts, spit in his beard.

UH, THAT IS HIS APOCALYPSE HUSBAND AND HE WASN’T LYING, RICK.

Glenn: Uh, dude. Bro. Eric has no weapon, is broken, and Ay-Ay-ron has no weapon. It’s gonna be okay.

Rick: [stubborn]
Glenn: Remember goodness? Look at Judith. See?
Rick: Fine, but only because my baby represents hope and possibility.

In the morning they all head out. Noah has painkillers and water for Aaron. Aaron says they have an awesome surgeon in Alexandria: maybe he can help Noah’s limp? HMM. I’m still suspsicious, because ultimately I agree with Rick. Gotta stay frosty, guys!

Rosita points out Washington’s Memorial to Abraham as he mans the RV. It’s what they’ve been going for this whole time. (There’s a low voltage light showing.) But they can make it!

Aaaaaaaand the battery dies. Glenn knows auto mechanicals and gets it working, so it’s all good. (So… why have this scene? Just a red herring of CRAP MORE DRAMA? I don’t get it.)

Michonne wants Rick to let the fight go, but she knows it’s hard since it’s all that’s kept him going all this time.

Michonne: It turns on you. You gotta let it go.
Rick: That’s what Bob was trying to tell me back at the church. AND NOW HE’S DEAD. The rules keep changing.

Rick peels off the group to bury a handgun out by an old rundown house, which seems way out of the way, but Rick hasn’t been wrong yet.

They get to a massive gate surrounded by steel. They can hear children laughing, people chattering. It’s not the silence of Woodbury or Terminus. Michonne convinces him to move forward, get out of the car and go inside. What about that whole “No one will hear Judith crying inside?” thing? We can HEAR kids.

Carol says to Rick as he gathers up Judith, “Even though you were wrong? You’re still right.” Because SHE KNOWS. She knows.

Walking Dead Rick Grimes

I STILL TRUST THIS MAN, even though he looks like he could use some soap and a shave.

WHAT ARE THEY GOING INTO?!!? IDK!! I still don’t trust it. Guys? Not gonna lie to you: I think it’s a recording. I think it’s ONLY Eric and Ay-Ay-ron, and they’re looking for capable people who aren’t cannibals to fill out their safe-house.

Next episode right here! REMEMBER.

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