Previously: Beth is back! Neolution is back! Dr. Leekie is back! Hot Paul is back! Art was bac- oh wait, he never left. Anyways, it’s all back in flashback form and things were bleak.
This season has so many people. So many characters. SO many. It’s like I’m reading a GRRM novel. Calm down. writers! No more clones! I know, I know, I’m probably the only one to say that they don’t want more clones. I just feel there isn’t enough time dedicated to our fave inner circle.
Sarah believes MK’s phone call and starts to pack. She’s ready to leave Iceland. Kira asks about Daddy and I’m like, oh yeah…him. Blah, Cal still exists. Luckily for me he isn’t there. Yay!
Mrs. S and Kendall don’t think they should go but clever little Kira looks outside and sees snowmobile lights in the distance, heading towards the cabin. I don’t get how she was the only one smart enough to, like, look out the window?
The gang jumps into action and Mrs. S burns the place to the ground as they leave. Helena would be proud. No DNA or clues for you, bad guys! The shot of Kira’s happy sock monkey burning, burning, burning is a little heavy handed. Jesus, writers, we get it.
Felix is painting and we get to see his perfect butt. Thank you, Jordan Gavaris! I think he’s been working out; his arms are looking terrific. These are the professional details I notice as a professional recapper. (Ed note: Not a professional recapper. Also don’t have an editor)
ANYWAYS, a naked, painting Felix gets a text. Alison, doing some sort of hip hop dance workout gets a text. Sad eyed Cosima, laying next to a small grow-op, gets a text.
A delivery truck pulls up in front of a comic book store and it’s opened to reveal Sarah and the gang inside. Looks like they managed to smuggle themselves back to safety. And the safest place to go is directly home…wait…what. Ok?
As they get off the truck, Kendall angrily expositions for us: “Two houses up in flames inside 3 months, 18 hours in the arse of a cargo plane, stuffed in a van in the dark, Christ, I need a fag!” She coughs her way to the street. Hey, writers, we get it. She’s from LONDONTOWN.
Kira and Kendall are to go to the safehouse and get settled in. Kira asks if Cal will join them and Sarah gets all shifty eyed. And Kira is not impressed. She refuses to look at Sarah as she leaves. Sorry, kid, Cal’s not going to be around for a while. They leave his storyline a mystery for now but we all know he’s down in Meereen looking for the Khaleesi.
The comic book store, Rabbit Hole Comics and Games Emporium, is the front for the clone’s secret lab, which is in the basement. Besides the medicinal grow-op there’s a ton of science type equipment. Some they bought with the stolen drug money from Donnie and Alison, but they don’t know the money is from dead drug guys.
Some they got from Dyad before they closed their doors and locked Cosima and Scott out. Apparently Dyad is out of the clone business. Ok, that is a weird thing to do. Out of the clone business? That’s it for Dyad? What about Project Leda and Castor and the little kid with the limp and Hot Paul?
Cosima points out that coming home might not be the best place to hide. Sarah says she can’t run if she doesn’t know what Neolution is. Ok, sure whatever.
Sarah and Art meet up for lunch. I assume they’re back at Fung’s but I’m too lazy to check. Art shows Sarah pictures of Beth’s last case, which is the cheek cut out dead guy buried in the woods. They go off to investigate, starting with Beth’s old place.
Flashback to Beth: she gets a visit from the police union guy. He’s part of the Neolution and was with the EMTs when they cut the cheek worm out of the pregnant girl’s boyfriend. He knows Beth saw him right before she ran off and mistakenly shot Maggie Chen. He pretty much drops the charade that he’s a good guy. Beth knows he’s with Neolution and he tells her there’s no going back. This guy has to keep the people he cares about safe. Who would that be, I wonder? As he talks he does a weird thing: takes his glasses off, and then puts them right back on. Was that just a strange thing the actor did or does it mean something?
Donnie takes Helena to her ultrasound. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I LOVE THIS. Helena gets all the best lines, and Donnie second. She’s pretending to be Alison and Donnie is her husband of course. When the nurse checks Alison’s I.D. Donnie says that she’s changed her hair. “Because it was too ugly,” Helena adds and I laugh and laugh.
Nurse: So, Mrs. Hendrix, how have you been feeling?
Helena: A little tired and many farts.
Nurse: Well I can assure you that is perfectly normal.
Helena: But never when having sex with my boyfriend.
Donnie: Haha! Husband! Me, her husband. Um, we have sex. Because she’s my wife.
Helena: Hee hee
Nurse: Well, that is how all this happened, am I right?
Donnie: You are right. So right!
Nurse: Don’t worry, there are many safe positions you can practice well into your pregnancy.
Helena: Oh good.
The nurse starts the ultrasound and I have a bone to pick with TV and movies. In my day, when we got an ultrasound, the nurse did the first bit with the screen turned away from you so she could measure and check that everything was ok before telling you anything, THEN she’d turn the screen and show you. But in TV/Movieland they always just start ‘er right up.
Helena: * points * This looks like mush
Ok, fair enough, it’s not like we even know wtf we’re looking at so why worry about turning it away. Donnie points, asking if that’s a foot or…he obviously thinks it might be a giant penis, but concludes it’s a foot.
The nurse blurts out, “That’s strange” which is so not cool and freaks them out. But no worries, it’s good news! Helena is having identical twins. Donnie is thrilled, Helena is thrilled, I am thrilled. Fun fact: when I went to my ultrasound for my second pregnancy the nurse made a ton of confused faces with the screen turned away from me so I got all freaked out, and then she blurted, “Oh! You have two in there!” And that’s how I found out I was having twins. Thanks for nothing, nurse.
Helena, all with the big eyes of wonder, says that she has to tell her sestra and once again, Sarah is the worst. She never once asked about Helena when she came back to town. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SARAH.
Back at home, Alison is not taking the news of Helena’s twins well. She’s happy for her but clearly jealous. She says Helena is a murderer. “Well…so are we,” Donnie points out. Alison declares that they’re only manslaughterers. Fair enough, I guess?
Kendall come to the SECRET LAB and Cosima gives her a check up. Cosima isn’t getting better despite having Kendall’s DNA. These things take time. Cosima cries to Mrs. S over her fears that Delphine is dead. Oh and P.S. Kendall has leukemia. Whatever. I don’t like her character. She’s more of a caricature. First real stumble in the show.
Sarah finds Beth’s drug stash. Art finds Beth’s surveillance set up. They sit and watch in fast forward and see Beth point the gun at the unsuspecting Paul. They also see the pregnant Neolution girl come to visit her. Sarah recognizes the one white contact look, takes a picture, and goes off to investamagate.
She needs Felix for this and surprises him at home. Literally. As in, scares him in the shower. It’s pretty funny and Felix lets out a little scream as Sarah laughs. The best is when he covers his nipples as they talk. Awesome.
Sarah doesn’t notice that Felix is a little stand offish, but I do. I do. Sarah, Felix needs you to be a sister and a friend. Cry.
She tells says she needs to go for a drink with him cause she missed his face. He thinks they’re going to Bobby’s and I’m pumped to see Bobby! But we’re both let down because we don’t get to see Bobby cause they don’t go to Bobby’s.
Sarah brings Felix to Club Neolution cause her face is too much like Beth’s. He can get in and sneak her inside the back door. If it was only so easy to sneak into clubs! I’d sneak in all the time! Oh sure, I’m super into clubbingzzzzzzzzz….so tired.
Inside the club, Felix gets a drink and Sarah shows the pregnant girl’s picture around but she gets no bites. Sarah finds Felix at the bar and is kinda a bitch to him until he angrily tells Sarah he’s looking for his birth family. Obviously he’s feeling alone since Sarah is actually related to Mrs. S and Kendall. He’s looking for Sarah to support him. Guess how that goes? Felix goes to dance his sads away and Sarah is mistaken for MK by a random guy who is surprised to see ‘MK’ at the club surrounded by real people.
MK had asked this guy to look into the whole Neolution implanting thing and he has a video to show her. He takes Sarah ouside and pulls out his phone. They watch a video of a young man with the maggot/worm implant. The video was obviously taped with another phone and as his friends try to cut the maggot out it mutates and horrid tentacles spread out across the victim’s face, killing him. Maggot-worm has a built in defense mechanism and kills the host if they try to remove it. So I guess the EMTs had to cut the entire cheek out so it wouldn’t go off and self-destruct. Ok EMTs, I take back everything I said about you and your love of overkill, except not really.
Suddenly the guy realizes Sarah isn’t MK and he just told her all sorts of stuff. He grabs Sarah and demands to know who she is but she pulls her nifty grifter moves and lifts his phone from his pocket instead. She runs away and he lets her.
Sarah leaves the club pausing to call Felix and leaves him a voicemail being all, sorry loser, gotta go, no time to explain, smell ya later. I sure hope his birth family is nicer than Sarah.
Flashback! Beth is getting ready to go out but she is fuuuuuucked up, yo. And oh no, she is wearing the dress from episode 1, the dress that she is wearing when she walks in front of the train. She puts on a super fake long blonde wig, grabs her gun and a hotel keycard, and looks at herself, “You can do this.” This is totally mirroring the shot in episode 1 when Sarah is imitating Beth and says, “Damn right.” In normal time, Art watches her leave on the surveillance tape.
Sarah goes to a laundromat and I’m not sure how she knew to go there. Oh wait, just as Sarah left the club MK sent a message to the guy’s phone to meet her at the Sudz ‘n Tumble at 12. I see, I see. MK calls the phone and knows it’s Sarah. She watches a lot of things through security cameras that I guess she hacks into. She’s watching Sarah in the laundromat cameras as they talk. To make sure Sarah’s not being bugged she gets her to put her phone in a dryer and take her boots off.
MK doesn’t want to tell Sarah anything. She says it will kill her. Just like it killed Beth. Killed her dead.
Art is still watching the tape. Beth has come back from whoever she met at the hotel and her hands have blood on them. She’s shaky and drinking. At first I thought she must’ve shot the precinct union/Neolution guy but now I’m wondering if the blood is from the pregnant Neolutionist. Maybe she had a mutant baby. Maybe that drove Beth over the edge.
MK comes to talk but Beth is too upset. She tells her to go home as she washes the blood and cuts up the hotel keycard. Beth shouts that it’s done, she screwed it up, they can’t fight it anymore. She tells MK to hide.
This is sad you guys. MK begs her not to leave and cries but Beth just hugs her and tells her to watch the others. Then Beth leaves and we know she goes to the train station and kills herself in front of Sarah, where it all begins.
Sarah and MK are still talking. MK doesn’t know what Beth found out. Sarah asks if it has something to do with the implants and MK calls them ‘maggot-bots’. EW. Do not like. MK won’t tell her what the maggot-bots are for and wants Sarah to hide her family. Noooo, just tell ussssss.
Sarah looks out the window and sees that MK is right across the street in a little beat up car with a monitor in it. MK pushes her sheep mask back on and drives away as Sarah calls out to her, begging her to wait. No deal, Sarah.
Sarah goes back inside to put her boots back on and OH SHIT YOU GUYS THE EMTS ARE HERE. Creepy guy comes in the front and creepy girl in the back and his can’t be good. I’m rather alarmed right now.
They throw her on the ground, thrilled to have finally found MK. They gloat that they’ve been looking for her for a long time and they get ready to cut her cheek off. Suddenly the man says it isn’t her and shoves his finger in her mouth, feeling her cheek. He announces, in another language, that she’s Sarah Manning, and they promptly pack up and abruptly leave, which is also strangely terrifying.
Sarah rushes back to the safehouse and promptly freaks the eff out. She thinks Dyad did something to her. Kira wakes up and when Sarah sees her she rushes over and shoves her finger in Kira’s mouth, terrified that she has an implant. Mrs. S stops her and they find a flashlight. As S shines it from the inside of Sarah’s mouth, it illuminates and we can see some veins. A thin vein wiggles. It’s a maggot-bot!!!!!!!!!!