Orphan Black 4.4 – From Instinct to Rational Control

MK knows how to put on a bitchin' Power Point presentation.

MK knows how to put on a bitchin’ Power Point presentation.

Sorry for the crazy late posting, pals. Work, family gatherings, reunions, etc etc etc. Love you? :'(

Previously: Kira acted weird but no one noticed. Kira might also have something in her but no one has bothered to check cause???? Felix finds his half sister blah blah blah do not care. Alison and Donnie dug up dead Leekie to see if he had a maggot bot in his cheek which he did yay! Sarah is acting crazeee.

MK brushes, flosses, makes a bomb and researches DYAD and Topside. She is very clever, that MK.

S and Sarah bring Ferdinand to their safehouse and he’s thrilled to see the chef’s kitchen and promptly begins to make them a delicious frittata. I am a sucker for evil people with warm, homey quirks.

Evil never tasted so good

Evil never tasted so good

S and Sarah aren’t interested in his delicious food because they are craaaazy I mean come on, frittata, and they just want to get that pesky maggotybot out of Sarah. Ferdinand says as soon as they find Mrs. Professor Susan Duncan and Rachel that’s how they will get maggotbot out. All they have to do is tell him who their source was that tipped them off about the bad guys coming to get them in Iceland.

"F*ck your frittata."

“F*ck your frittata.”

Fee shows up for a family meeting and they shove Ferdinand into another room, frittata and all. Rude.

Cosima and Scott science up a storm on dead ole Dr. Leekie. That what you get for never giving Scott a raise, bitch! They extract the maggotbot that he also had in his cheek, only his was voluntary. It’s encased in a sack and squirmy and perfectly icky.

Alison, in a hideous flowered vest, is at a coffee shop with Sarah Stubbs, who is wearing an equally hideous flowered shirt.



Alison is bemoaning how she misses the theatre and how they don’t want her back ever since the disastrous opening night of Blood Ties and omg how I miss those days too. I too want Alison back on the stage! They joke that they’ll start their own little theatre group and start happily singing Jesus Christ Superstar till a mean old lady shushes them like they’re in a library or something.

YOU shut up, you old bag!

YOU shut up, you old bag!

Sarah Stubbs leaves for hot yoga (note to self: you have not been going to hot yoga enough, stop being so lazy and get back in the hot room) and suddenly a woman is standing in front of Alison, giving her grief about coming back to the coffee shop. Wow, this coffee shop is full of meanies. No, wait, it’s Trina, the used-to-be pregnant Neolutionist girl that had the boyfriend with the maggotbot in his cheek. Trina spills all sorts of helpful accusations like, how ‘Beth’ was supposed to ‘drop it’ but she ‘went back to Club Neolution anyway’ AND ‘went to Lifespring Fertility’ and how she told Beth ‘she was a carrier in confidence’. Wow, that was very revealing Trina, thank you. Alison runs after her and manages to get a picture on her cell to send to Sarah.

Fee is annoyed that Sarah never told him about the implant and Sarah childishly pouts that he was very busy with his biological sister blah blah. Ok everyone is friends again. Alison calls and tells Sarah all the info from the Trina meeting. Sarah tells her to go investigate this Lifesprings Fertility and when Alison objects that she has budget meetings Sarah freaks out and yells at her to pull her weight for once. Harsh. Sarah is falling apart. I guess digging up a rotting corpse in the hopes that he has a maggotbot in his cheek to help you doesn’t count. Not cool, Sarah.

Felix steps in and says he will come help Alison. Yay, I love Alison and Felix together!

Meanwhile, down at the Hendrix’s home, Helena is making another art project. “Would you look at that…a baby collage,” Donnie says awkwardly. Helena beams. “Yes. Very cuddling,” she says in her weirdo voice. Donnie tells Helena about how hard it was for him and Alison when they tried to have their own kids. Helena figures out that Alison is jealous and angry about the baby and puts on a sad, thinking face. :(

Sarah goes to visit Dizzy asking if MK has gotten in touch with him. Luckily MK is inside and by inside we mean she’s Skyping with Sarah or whatever high tech version of Skype MK uses. Sarah has a USB with the message Rachel got to Ferdinand. She puts it in the computer and MK uses it to track down Duncan whatever sometimes all this stuff is a little much.

Alison makes fake IDs for Donnie and Felix. They’re going to pose as a prospective parents and investigate Lifesprings Fertility as a gay couple. YES. Donnie puts on too much of a gay stereotype act and pisses off Felix. Poor Donnie.

At the clinic, they need sperm samples from the boys. Donnie is led into the room but the gay porn mags aren’t doing it for him. He calls Alison to tell her he saw an old friend at the clinic, the one that also was unable to get pregnant, and guess what, she’s pregnant! Oh and he has to masturbate soooo little help? The couple role play their favourite sex game: ‘Air Italia’, and phone sex up a storm. Alison is a stewardess and they do it in the plane bathroom and this gets them both super hot and there’s climaxes and the Hendrixes are the best.

"Oh, I've got two spicy meatballs for you, baby!" I'm demanding my husband uses this line on me tonight.

Oh, I’ve got two spicy meatballs for you, baby!”
I’m demanding my husband uses this line on me tonight.

Rachel reads all the medical files on Charlotte. She’s smart and worried and has suggestions for treatment. Will she be able to save The Littlest Clone? *insert sad music*

MK searches the intermanet and hacks up a storm into files and stuff and discovers that Ferdinand is Sarah’s secret source. She is not happy and calls Sarah. Ferdinand is a Cleaner who works for Topside and MK will have nothing to do with them. She’s out. Sarah’s mad.

Ferdinand tells S how he has a ‘little’ nest egg squirreled away and wants to be with Rachel, relaxing and taking over the world. I love you Ferdinand. Rescue Rachel and live together happily with Charlotte The Littlest Clone and be evil together and in love yayyyyyy. S gets a text from Sarah telling her to send Ferdinand to Beth’s old place. Even I know this is actually MK setting up a trap for Ferdinand. GOD MRS. S, THINK.

Alison ‘accidentally’ runs into the old friend and manages to cry crocodile tears that turn into real tears until the friend tells her how she finally managed to get pregnant after all other treatments failed. It’s a special something called Brightborn Treatments by Dr. Bosh. Sooooo Donnie and Felix ask for that and get the info package.

Sarah goes BACK to Dizzy to ask for his help AGAIN to find MK. He’s all, what’s in it for me? And rightfully so. Why should he be doing all this? She didn’t even bring doughnuts and coffee. A sour cream glazed will get me to do pretty much anything you ask wink wink. He wants to know what the real story is with Sarah and MK so Sarah is all CLONES. Dizzy suddenly figures out how to find MK and they go to her trailer in a scrap yard whatever.

Helena didn’t know she was supposed to replenish the liquid nitrogen in her container of fertilized eggs so they all died. She buries them in a fake looking set that is supposed to be Alison’s back yard. I guess they blew the budget on Leekie’s fake decomposing head. Then Helena puts on her backpack and leaves WAIT WHAT NOOOOO HELENA NO DON’T LEAVE ME NOOOOOO.

*insert sad music*

*insert sad music*

Sarah and Dizzy go to MK’s place, narrowly avoiding setting off the security system which consists of a bomb under the welcome mat. Dizzy gets into MK’s computer (she just left it open?) and they see that MK has been tracking all the Clone Club’s every phonecall and movement.

Susan Duncan and Rachel talk. Since Charlotte The Littlest Clone is the youngest, she has medical research value. Should they try treating her sickness or use her as a lab rat?

Rachel gives Charlotte another message to get out to Ferdinand. She just hands it to Charlotte like she’s passing her a note in math class. Think Rachel, think!

Cosima and Scott figure out that the maggotbot is a gene therapy delivery system and may be changing Sarah’s DNA as we speak. Maybe that’s why she’s acting irrationally and being kinda mean. Well, don’t bother trying to call Sarah, I’m sure she won’t bother to answer.

Ferdinand goes to Beth’s and of course he finds a laptop and MK Skyping. Ferdinand sits down to talk to her and hears a click. More bombs! This time under a chair! Don’t stand up Ferdinand, you’ll go boom. MK comes into the room and man is she pissed off at him. She sets up many candles as Ferdinand tries to figure out who she is. MK counters with a slideshow of Ferdinand’s life and secrets.

Back at MK’s secret trailer that Dizzy found after 30 seconds of thinking, Sarah and Dizzy try to break into MK’s other computer and Sarah suggests a few password possibilities like ‘Susan Duncan’. If this works I will be so mad at the writers.

MK’s presentation continues, this time telling Ferdinand about her clone friend Niki. MK knows what Ferdinand and Topside did. Gassed Niki’s family. Burned Niki alive. Helsinki was him and Topside and death and bad stuff. This doesn’t look like it will end well for our pal Ferdinand.

Cosima calls Sarah and Sarah actually answers wtf.

MK is screaming at Ferdinand for killing her sister clones and their friends and family. Revenge time! She pours gas all over the table, chair, and Ferdinand. Ferdinand is understandably not pumped about this turn of events but he can’t stand up or he will die from extreme exploding.

Ferdinand has had better days

Ferdinand has had better days

Sarah bursts in and begs her to stop cause she really really really wants the gross maggotbot out of her cheek and Ferdinand can find Susan Duncan and she can probably remove it. MK doesn’t GAF. She wants Ferdinand to DIAF and knows all about all the money he put away and threatens to burn him alive if he doesn’t give her the password to his accounts. Ferdinand, dripping with gasoline, glowers. “Corn cob. Two words” and I laugh and laugh.

MK transfers all the millions of dollars and is like, peace, bitches, revenge tastes so tasty sweet P.S. sorry Sarah you should probably leave before Ferdinand panics and blows up when he stands up and tries to run, byeeeee. * mic drop *

Mrs. S comes and dismantles the bomb, cause why not, no problem, she knows stuff I guess. Maybe her ‘people’ told her what to do. It’s good though cause Ferdinand lives to be awesome another day!

I'm alive!

I’m alive!

Susan Duncan comes to visit Rachel for her opinion on Charlotte’s treatment options. Rachel admits that they shouldn’t treat Charlotte as she has more value for research, more than her life value. No Rachel! I won’t believe it! “That’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it?” Rachel asks Susan and I think she is just biding time and playing with Susan and I will forever hold onto my hope for her inner good. *insert sad music*

Susan has found the note Rachel gave to Charlotte. Oh oh! She’s going to be gone for a while cause she totes knows Rachel contacted Ferdinand. Oh, and they won’t treat Charlotte, just like Rachel wants. Stone. Cold. Bitch.

Oh and Kira still exists, I guess. ?

*insert Benny Hill music*