Orphan Black 4.6 – The Scandal of Altruism

Sad Beth

Sad Beth and sad endings

Previously! Cosima and Donnie went to Brightborn. Cosima snuck around and saw literally everything. Susan took a sexy swim with Ira and they kissed awkwardly. Krystal was so close yet so far on figuring things out.

Episode 6 is a big one you guys! Last season it was the episode where Hot Paul dies and no I don’t even want to talk about it. In this episode we finally get to see the rest of Beth’s last night before dying. Who’s blood is on her hands? Why did she kill herself? Where did she go when she left her condo in the wig? Who did she see? The answers, my friend, are coming up! Right. Now.


Beth goes to a hotel. There’s some kind of work conference gathering in the lounge and guess who’s there? Evie and Susan Duncan. Beth has a key card to show security and she walks right up to the two of them, purposely bumping into a server as she goes by, causing the server to spill a drink on Susan. Susan goes to clean up in the washroom and Beth follows.

“Susan Duncan. I know you. I know everything.” Beth points her big ass gun in Susan’s face. Susan is not thrilled.

Back in current time, Susan Duncan and Ari are chatting in their hotel room. They are in love. Susan is worried that Ari is ‘glitching’ like his other jerk brothers but he claims he is not. Susan says they’ll never have to test him again once Sarah gives up the original clone’s blood yayyy.

Cosima and Sarah Skype and plan the meeting with Susan. S can’t know about the meeting and exchange until it’s happening because she won’t be on board with them giving her mom’s DNA over and because she finally has a loving relationship with her. Susan gets what she wants, Sarah gets the maggot bot out of her face, and Cosima gets her cure. Even though Cosima and Scott have been working on a cure of their own, it isn’t going well and they’re running out of time. Cosima’s voice trembles as she tells Sarah that and once again Tatiana Maslany acts the hell out of this show.

What they’re most worried about though, is giving Castor the cure for their illness and letting them start up their weaponizing sex disease. I’m not even sure who’s alive from Castor besides Ira and Mark. Maybe that other one that was with Mother. Ole whatshisface.

Back at the police station, Art sees Krystal making a report about her experience at Brightborn and her theory about the stem cells in cosmetics and testing etc etc. Art comes up and introduces himself and omg, Krystal gets to deliver this line:

Art: Hi, Detective Bell, Homicide Krystal: Krystal Goderich, manicurist.

Art: Hi, Detective Bell, Homicide.
Krystal: Krystal Goderich, Manicurist.

Back at the comic book store/secret lab/grow op, Kendall is waiting for S to come and she’s extra crusty as she waits. When Hell Wizard -I can’t believe I’m even typing that name right now- tells her there’s no smoking, Kendall’s driver lights her cigarette for her anyways and she takes a huge, angry drag, staring him in the eyes. Hell Wizard is all, “Okay…” Jesus Kendall, calm yourself. I do not like this character and I never will so sue me. (Please don’t sue me)

Geeze Kendall, no one likes an indoor smoker

Geeze Kendall, no one likes an indoor smoker

S shows up and Kendall has something very important to tell her about to tell her except Kendall isn’t going to explain it. Cosima will tell her the very important something, namely that Kendall has Leukaemia.

Sarah goes to Brightborn and meets up with Susan and Evie. She has terms that they need to agree to before she turns Kendal’s gene stuff over. I believe that’s the medical phrase they used on the show, ‘gene stuff’. They’re very into science and I am a professional recapper, so pretty sure I got it correct. (ed note: nope, still not a professional recapper.)

Ira waltzes into the room, not a care in the world, such a breezy entrance with the buttoning of the suit jacket and all. Sarah isn’t enjoying his presence but I think his outfit looks tres sexy on him so, please, Ira, do stay. He does.

Update on what the maggot bots do: Different things for different people. Leekie’s treated a genetic predisposition for Alzheimer’s. Sarah’s is trying to make her sick but because she’s immune unlike her clone sisters, it isn’t working. They know this because she’s not dead.

Sarah doesn’t want to give up Kendal’s DNA because of that whole Ira/Castor/Sex Weapon thing. Her science buddies have a plan, though.

Cosima and Scott shout science words to  S and Kendall and explain how it is actually possible to keep Castor cells away from Susan Duncan and Her Band of Pals. It’s all possible thanks to CANCER! Specifically, Kendall’s Leukemia. The cancer is only attacking the Leda cells inside her so they can tell which ones are which and if they separate them, boom! No male DNA for Castor, which means no cure for Ira.

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Cut back to Ira, who is so not on board with that, not at all, nope. Susan agrees to the term of getting Leda and only Leda cells though, to the surprise of no one except poor Ira who is surprised indeed. He gets a hard drive for Susan as asked because he is a little bitch.

Flashback to Beth: She’s still in the bathroom of the hotel, and still holding her huge ass gun to Susan’s face. Beth think that if Susan’s dead it all ends. Susan looks terrified but doesn’t stop talking. She tells Sarah she’s not the head of the cloning. She’s the creator and she’s invested in it all. Susan knew Beth’s mother and how she wanted a little girl more than anything. Then Susan apologizes for Beth’s dad: “We had no idea about your father. We screen for tendencies like that. Somehow he got through, I’m sorry-!” Damn, Beth has had a crappy life.

As Beth makes Susan turn around and kneel, Susan begs, saying that she guided them, devoted her life to them, protected them all. She loves Beth! Beth tells Susan to close her eyes and leaves because Beth is smart and knows she’s been set up to kill Susan.

Back at the secret lab, Cosima loads all her research onto a hard drive provided by Brightborn and that doesn’t seem like a good idea to me, using a hard drive provided by the evil company you made a shady deal with. But hey, I’m only a professional recapper, what do I know? (ed note: Sigh.)

Cosima and Scott talk and Scott calls Shay a rebound and only counts her as a half to three quarters of a relationship. Wow. Poor Shay. I guess that’s officially the end of her storyline. Delphine is called her ‘soulmate’ which I’m fine with cause even though she has a distractingly small little hamster mouth, I like Delphine.

Ira lies in his hotel bed and pouts about being left to die by the woman he loves. Susan just wishes that he’d understand that Leda is everything to her. She promises that she’ll find a cure for the Castor glitching and asks if he believes her. Ira doesn’t say anything. I wonder if he believes her? I bet he believes her. I believe her.

Sarah and Art chat on the phone. They still have to figure out what to do with Krystal. Sarah decides to send Felix over to talk to her. Yes! Felix doing something useful! Art asks if Sarah needs any backup today at Brightborn and she’s all, naw dog, shit girl, I gots it covered. I mean, what could go wrong? Why get more people helping when you can get less?

Oh, and Felix’s stupid lameass sister has gone back home yayyyyyy. I’m sure we’ll see her again, unfortunately. Wait, maybe they’ll just do the same as with Shay’s character and shrug and call her a rebound sister.

Susan and her bodyguard, -the male evil EMT- come to Felix’s loft to start the exchange with Kendall, S, and Scott.

Sarah comes to Brightborn with Cosima to get the maggot bot out of her face. Female evil EMT is there to be Evie’s assistant but no dice, Sarah refuses to let her near her. Instead Cosima will help. This is good because just as Evie finally is about to extract the bot it ruptures a little and poison almost gets Sarah but Cosima sciences hard with a Q-Tip and helps get it out safely.

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Back at the loft, Scott takes Kendall’s blood and starts to do science-y cell separation with science equipment stuff. They get the call from Sarah that the bot is out and it’s time for Kendall to go. Once Susan has her Leda cells Cosima will give Evie the hard drive and leave Brightborn.

S and her man Benjamin stay to watch Susan as Scott works on the blood samples. The driver guy, all alone, takes Kendal to the van. No need for anyone else to protect her. Only one person needed here! Kendall makes them stop outside the van and lights a smoke and of course someone runs over and kills the driver and kidnaps Kendall. Of course.

Comic relief time! Felix shows up at Art’s to talk to Krystal and he’s dressed like some kind of Sherlock on plaid steroids.

What's better, Felix's outfit or Art's pose?

What’s better, Felix’s outfit or Art’s pose?

This scene is one of the all time funniest and it’s in the middle of one of the most dramatic and tragic episodes so far and it totally works. From Krystal having no idea to what Scotland Yard is to the fact that Fee had completely forgot that he’d stolen her wallet that time he talked to her, it’s some of the best moments in the show.

As Felix comes towards Krystal she panics and sprays him right in the face with mace. Felix screams and flails and I laugh and laugh.



Then Art delicately dabs Felix’s sore eyes with a wet cloth and I’ve clearly died and gone to heaven.

I'll never tire of this

I’ll never tire of this

Sarah walks out of the alley and sees CLUES: blood and Kendall’s cigarettes on the ground. Sarah immediately thinks Susan Duncan has effed them over. She runs back into the loft and destroys the samples by pouring bleach over everything. Susan freaks and denies it all. Scott says the only intelligent thing of the day: What about Cosima at Brightborn?

All alone in an enemy building without even constipated Art to back her up, Cosima hands the hard drive over to Evie and asks what happened to Delphine. Evie is all, who? Bitch. They get news that Susan has ‘gone dark’. Cosima has no idea what’s happening. It’s double cross, Cosima. It’s a double cross. Catch up.

Felix tells Krystal she’s totally right about her theories about cosmetics and she needs to go home to live her life as normal as possible and gives her a clone phone. She drops a comment about that ‘French doctor’ and when asked about Delphine, says that she witnessed her getting shot. Well, that stopped being funny.

Susan is brought to the safehouse where Sarah promptly figures out that Susan didn’t do this. She decides it’s Ira on account of how he’s going to die without the Castor side of the DNA samples and runs over to his hotel room. Ira’s having a lovely bath and swallowed lots of pills cause his Castor heart is broken. Well, he didn’t do it. Sarah tells Ben to call 911 as she makes Ira throw up a little. Probably not Sarah’s first experience with someone overdosing.

Kendall and the dead driver are driven out to a field. Her kidnapper is that guy…who’s name I wrote down one time…that police detective guy that’s with Neolution…you know, Duko. Yes, I had to go look it up. So he’s here and he’s wearing Earmuffs of Evil.

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This actor could look like the picture on the left but instead they gave us the guy on the right. COME ON, WRITERS, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Duko gives Kendall a cigarette and offers her a blanket. He’s the nicest bad guy in town. He’s in over his head, he says. Those earmuffs, it’s all I can see.

S is freaking out over her missing mother. She starts choking Susan, which helps nothing. Scott calls in a panic because all the lab’s computers are getting wiped by a virus that was introduced by the Brightborn hard drive. Don’t worry, I’m sure they backed up all their data because they are smart, right? Right? * crickets chirping*

Sarah says it’s a coup. S is confused. CATCH UP, S. Susan says the obvious: it’s Evie. Yes, people. Evie. Duh.

Evie shows up in the field with Cosima. Cosmia looks terrified. It’s her first experience with danger you guys! It’s always been Sarah before.

Flashback to Beth Time! Evie is leaving the hotel, talking on her cell with Duko. She says that Beth didn’t kill Susan after all. Looks like that was the plan all along, to trick her into it. But guess what? Beth has figured that out and jumps into Evie’s car. She wants to kill her but Evie tells Beth that she knows too much now and Neolution will kill all her clone sisters and her own parents. Evie tells her to kill herself to save her family. Beth beats Evie in he face and I’m thinking that’s how she got that scar.

Duko shows up and they point their guns at each other till Beth leaves and bravely kills herself to save her sisters. I can only assume that Duko immediately went and bought a pair of large earmuffs to be worn at a later date.

Evie tells Cosima that they don’t need the clones or Kendall’s DNA anymore to experiment with. They have their bots and their own testing. They’re gonna make the perfect genome! The clones are obsolete! They’re ‘Betamax’. Wow. Sick burn.

Cosmia begs Evie not to kill Kendall but that’s going to happen no matter what. She lets Cosima say goodbye. “Kendall, what are we going to do?” Cosima asks, tearfully. Kendall has tears in her eyes and says her loving farewell speech. And I’m supposed to care but I never liked Kendall so I don’t care.

Duko tells Cosima to step back and the sad music swells. “Turn around, love,” Kendall calls out. “Turn around!” Cosima does and we see Kendall fall back into the van as Duko shoots her in the head. He then burns the van to destroy everything. No DNA left for anyone now. None.

Poor Cosmia sinks to her knees and trembles as Duko comes up to her. I’m terrified that he’s going to shoot her too and it really looks like he’s going to but thank god omg he doesn’t.

Rough day for Cosima

Rough day for Cosima

Evie walks up. “Dephine Cornier was shot dead at the DYAD parkade,” Evie says, as cold as cold can be. Cosima breaks down and sobs. Tatiana Maslany did this in ONE TAKE. They didn’t even film a second. Damn that girl is amazing.

Evie places a phone on the ground and leaves as Cosima weeps and weeps and finally calls Sarah.

Sarah at S look at each other and cry as, elsewhere, Evie walks to the trains and freedom I guess? EDIT: Derrick pointed out that it was Beth walking to the train station. OH SNAP. Damn girl, now that shot is truly haunting. Thanks for the keen eye, Derrick!

None of that went well for the Clone Club.