Orphan Black 4.08 – The Redesign of Natural Objects

Friendship. Love. Betrayal. Local theatre. Alison has a choice to make.

Love. Betrayal. Local theatre. Alison has a choice to make.

Previously: Sarah felt the weight of the world on her shoulders and went on an epic bender and almost kills herself and Felix saves her and Evie is still bad and Duko wore earmuffs and Donnie went to jail! It was a wild ride.


Heeeeeere’s Donnie! He’s in jail, eating mushy food and immediately playing the tough guy and spilling what he did to be there to the first person that talks to him.

Oh Donnie, you lovable moron.

Of course this is all a setup and the first guy was scoping him out to see if he’s Donnie Hendrix for the scary looking Neolutionist who’s there to be his new jail friend. He looks so nice!

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Ira checks out Rachel’s eye, you know, the one that saw a swan and stuff. So much eye stuff in this show. Symbolism and foreshadowing and stuff, I dunno, I’m just a professional recapper that loves McDonald’s. (ed note: She really does!)  Rachel’s very worried about it, saying seeing the vision was like a ‘glitch’. Ira doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about and besides, they’re on their own since Dr. Susan/Mommy/Lover has given up on that whole Leda thing. Rachel says that Susan is old and worn and has an old and worn ambition while she and Ira are young and hot and full of young and hot ambition. “Don’t you want to live?” she purrs in a strangely seductive tone and I wonder if this odd little incestuous family is about to get more incestuous. Yuck.

Ira does want to live, now. Rachel isn’t about to accept defeat. She proclaims Ira to be her brother. Ira points out that she stood without her crutches and spoke without any struggle. “Apparently passion helps,” he tells her, and they holds hands and what is happening I don’t even know. Is this a strange incestuous overtone or are they just being supportive in a sibling kind of way? I don’t even know anymore. Besides, if Rachel needs some passion I’m pretty sure that Ferdinand would love to help her with that. Yummy, evil little Ferdinand, rrrowr!

Sarah is visiting Cosima, who brings her a cup of chai to help her with her two-day hangover. Yuck again, that sounds like a horrible hangover drink. They discuss the bad times of the last couple of days and how they almost did disastrous things. Cosima calls Sarah ‘sestra’ and I become livid. Don’t use Helena’s words and not even mention that she’s missing AND PREGNANT. Dammit, show.

Mika pops onto Kira’s computer again. Looks like they arranged a meeting this time. Sarah coldly tells her to lose her mask as they chat and she reluctantly does until Cosima pops over, spooking her to pull it back down again. Awww, poor shy Mika. Cosima charms her and says it’s ok if she wants to wear it; she thinks it’s funny. Mika pulls it back up, slowly. Awwww again. <3<3<3

Mika still has Ferdinand’s 3.7 million, btw, and has invested it wisely. I wish I had 3.7 million. I’d blow it all at the tracks!

Mika asks how Cosima’s sickness is going. Long story short, badly, just like everything else. Well, Mika can help with one of the bad things. She plays them a recording of the meeting with Evie telling Susan and Rachel that the Clone Club is a threat and will be taken care of. Cosima and Sarah are not pumped.

Alison and Felix come to jail to visit Donnie and ughhh, guess what, Adele is back. Even though she’s currently on suspension for being drunk in court, she’s still going to be Donnie’s lawyer??? Felix says she’s better than Legal Aid, which I guess is a fair point. Being a professional recapper (ed note: Nope.),  I don’t know much about legal stuff so I have no idea how she can still practice while suspended…?

When Adele looks at Alison in confusion, they lie and say that Alison is Sarah’s twin sister. Adele says she looks just like her, but with less anger and more hygiene. Hah. Ok, that was funny. Too bad Adele’s totes drunk and smells like it.

Susan and Charlotte are studying dissected birds. There’s so many big words being used. Show-offs! Rachel and Ira come in and Rachel asks about Susan’s plans for a treatment for her clones. Less bird learnin’, more clone healin’ is what Rachel would like.

Susan says that Charlotte will be receiving treatments and Rachel counters that treatments aren’t good enough; they need a cure. When she asks what the long term plan is, Susan tries to brush them off and makes a comment that they should get a hobby, and tries to demean Ira by asking if he’s shown Rachel his toy soldiers yet. Charlotte grins and poor Ira looks shamed. That was mean, Susan. He kissed you in a pool!

Rachel is still the queen of being a stone cold bitch though, and coolly replies that maybe she should take up carpentry as a hobby and build them all coffins, starting with the littlest. Charlotte doesn’t grin at that.

Just then, Sarah pops onto Susan’s computer. Mika has managed to set up an encrypted connection to them for a chat about them all working together and finding a cure.

As Sarah chats from the safehouse, Mrs. S broods and gets her rifle ready for some killin’. Earmuffs is in big trouble for what he did to S’s mum, yo!

Kira tries to tell Sarah about Mrs. S leaving with murder in her eyes, but Sarah’s kinda busy video chatting. Sorry kid, even though you’re like, super connected to all the clones and have never interrupted your mom unless it’s important, you’re gonna get told to wait. Luckily, Cosima joins the chat from her safehouse and Sarah closes her computer to ask wtf Kira wants. Oh nothing, just that S left with her rifle. Sarah is like, oh-oh, that’s not good.

Cosima wants to join up with Susan and find a cure! But! She and Scott are not on board with Rachel being on the team. Not only did Rachel stab them in the back, she also cheats at Agricola! Le gasp! Unforgivable. Cosima says Rachel’s out and while they’re at it, Ira can GTFO too. Ira’s offended face when she says that is hilarious.

Ira can't believe what his Castor clone ears are hearing

Ira can’t believe what his Castor clone ears are hearing

Of course Susan immediately buckles. Of course she does. When Rachel argues that they need both her and Ira’s smart brains and all the help they can get, Cosima just dismissively waves at the screen,“Bye-bye.”

Bye, Felicia!

Bye, Felicia!

When Alison finally gets to talk to Donnie, she’s horrified to see that they made him wear an orange jumpsuit. Hahahaha! Adele goes over a few pointers, like don’t talk to anyone but the two of them. No one. Too bad they didn’t tell him that earlier. Donnie’s new friend comes to a cubicle nearby to talk to his visitor and intimidate him. It’s working.

Donnie will have to stay in jail over the weekend cause the cops pulled the classic ‘Arrest on a Friday Cause Nothing Can Happen till Monday, Even Without a Charge’. This is not good news for Donnie. He asks to speak to Alison in private and Adele graciously walks out of the door and hopefully out of our lives forever. Dare to dream, people!

Donnie proceeds to scare the hell out of Alison as he tells her how the murdery Neolutionist is here to beat the hell out of him. He’s not going to make it through the weekend.

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Alison knows who’s behind this! This is all Duko Earmuff’s fault!

S is following Earmuffs, spying on him with binoculars. He’s in his car in a remote area and she’s about to blow his head off when Alison drives up in her minivan. S knows that Alison having a secret meeting with Earmuffs isn’t good for the Clone Club, and calls Sarah to update her.

S is right about Earmuffs. He’s totally blackmailing Alison. Jail’s not a good place for a sensitive man like Donnie, he tells her. Sure hope he doesn’t get murdered! All you have to do is tell me where I can find Sarah. That’s all. Just betray Sarah and your sisters and Donnie gets to live. Alison is terrified. :’(

Alison still has to show up for her community theatre practice of Jesus Christ Superstar. The show must go on, guys! You know she’s truly upset because when she drops her armful of stuff, she actually swears for real, for the first time ever on the show, and in the church even: “SHIT!” Yes, it’s amazing.

Of course she does it in front of Reverend Mike, who rushes over to help her. She’s mortified and when he asks how Donnie is doing, she goes straight back to pretending everything is ok, “He’s fine! He’s very comfortable in orange.”

Rev Mike sits with her and is ready to help. He’s so nice. He encourages her to open up and talk to him. Alison says no one can help, then hesitantly asks what to do if she was asked to do something that will help someone you love but hurt someone you care about. Rev Mike reminds her that she vowed right here in this very church to love and protect Donnie. He tells her to let God guide her. Poor Alison is so conflicted. It’s almost like this familiar…like it reminds me of something…a famous story even…

S and Sarah want Felix to go spy on Alison to see if she’s being squeezed by Earmuffs. He refuses. Just then, Alison calls him and asks where Sarah is. Awkward! Is she buckling under Earmuff’s threats????? Felix asks her what’s wrong and she asks him to come down to the church to help her.

Cosima, Scott and Susan are already working out science stuff towards their search for a cure. Here’s a few bullet points:


  1. Working in Scott and Cosima’s lab makes it hard to control contamination=bad
  2.  Kira’s DNA has too much dad DNA (stupid Cal) so while it helped at first, it’s too far from the Leda genome
  3. With the Original cells they could do lots of good science stuff
  4.  Cosima wants to use embryonic stems cells with sperm from Ira and eggs from Sarah. Ew.

Mika calls Sarah with some damning info on Earmuffs. He has money, from Brightborn, tucked away in an offshore account. I wish I had an offshore account full of money. I’d be all byeeeeeee. Oh, and also Earmuffs has done a lot of bad stuff like murder and witness murder and also murder.

Mika signs off with a thank you for letting her back into the Clone Club. S and Sarah wonder what brought her back to them while Mika coughs blood into her hand. Question answered.

Rachel practices walking back and forth from her bed to a chair. Her eye starts to glitch again, showing a swan, and a creepy old man (is there an other kind on this show?) leaning forward and peering at her like he’s looking into a camera. Rachel is like whaaaaaat the efffff.

Alison is stressed out at practice, stressed out enough that when she finds an old mini bottle of vodka, she almost backslides and drinks it. Luckily Felix shows up in time to distract her! Whew!

Alison asks what’s going on with the Clone Club, what’s Sarah up to, how’s everything? The show is making me doubt Alison and I don’t like that. It’s almost like they’re making me thing she’s a…I don’t know…what’s the word…a traitor?!

Felix counters by asking how she’s doing, how’s Donnie, are the police investigating, are Earmuffs or Evie coming after you? He reminds her that her sisters and Sarah are there for her.

Earmuffs texts Alison and she meets him in the church. He is so evil even though he’s not actually wearing the Earmuffs of Evil on account of being inside. He hands her his phone so she can talk to Donnie. The Neolutionist and another guy is in Donnie’s cell and are threatening to shiv poor Donnie right in the eye with a sharpened toothbrush. That’s a very handy weapon; you can stabbity stab stab someone and then immediately fight gingivitis!

Earmuffs tells her she has a choice. It’s like there’s some kind of theme or something in this episode. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Alison buckles and tells Earmuffs that Sarah will be at the Rabbit Hole comic book shop tonight. No Alison! No! It’s like you’re…I don’t know…it reminds me of something…oh yes, Benedict Arnold!?

Duko waits outside the Rabbit Hole to see if Sarah shows. He won’t call off his goons till she does.

Donnie is being beaten up in his cell. Will Alison be able to save Donnie with her betrayal?

Alison waits in the wings as Rev Mike begins to play the opening of Superstar. She’s so sad you guys. I love Alison so much and I hate to see her worry this much.

My heart is breaking!

Will Alison BETRAY them all to save Donnie???

She bursts through the curtains and begins to sing with Sarah Stubbs. Sarah Stubbs is playing Jesus and Alison is playing Judas but this doesn’t mean anything at all, I’m sure.

Oh ho, looks who walks into the comic book shop! It’s Sarah. Our earmuffless Duko goes inside. Sarah is nowhere to be seen. Duko starts to talk to Hell Wizard, and is so unsettling and scary that I think he doesn’t even need his earmuffs to be evil. But guess what? It’s all a trap! Duko smashes Hell Wizard’s face on the counter and is shocked when S, Art (with a gun) and Sarah all walk into the room. It’s over for Duko! If I was Hell Wizard I’d be like, hey guys, couldn’t you have walked out like 10 seconds earlier? Why’d you wait till my adorable face got mushed into the counter??? It’s not like they needed that evidence.

Back at the church, they’re practicing the song again. Alison is having trouble concentrating, all she can think about is Donnie getting eye stabbed. Luckily, the gang makes Duko phone and call it off and Donnie is safe yayyyy! Sarah texts Felix who gives Alison the OK signal and she is so relieved that she turns it on and rocks the song out with Sarah Stubbs. I’m sure this whole play stuff didn’t symbolize anything.

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I'm not a JUDAS! Except in this awesome play.

I’m not a JUDAS!
Except in this awesome play.

Things aren’t going well for Duko, probably because he forgot his earmuffs. Art zipties him to a chair and leaves with Sarah so S can torture him for info. Duko can’t believe that Art is leaving him to this but Art’s all, suck it, bitch. Duko shouts, “COME ONNNNN!” after Art when he walks out which makes me laugh cause he sounds so exasperated with this entire scenario.

"I sure wish I had my earmuffs right now."

“I sure wish I had my earmuffs right now.”

S is pretty ruthless, asking questions and not being shy with using the jumper cables that are hooked up to a car battery on him. Duko is more than happy to give any answers he can, like that Evie thinks Sarah is a threat and might interfere with her plans. Um, we already know that. The best part is when S zaps him and Duko yells, “Ohhhhhh, don’t do it before the question, Jesus!

Duko tells her that Evie is planning on putting her bots into millions of people under the guise of gene therapy. He doesn’t know what her plan is with the bots though. He’s so relieved when S puts the cables down but joke’s on him cause she goes and picks up her rifle. S points out all the horrible, corrupt cop things Duko has done for Brightborn like murder and stuff. Duko claims he had to, to protect his niece that Evie totally threatened, even though he was well paid for it. “It’s about family!” he says and S agrees. She knows all about protecting family.

S cocks her gun. “No no. No,” Duko says, desperate. S doesn’t pause. “This is for my Ma,” she whispers, and it’s SHA-BLAMO TIME.



Later, as Scott scrubs Duko goo off the wall, Sarah comes to talk to Cosima. Were Scott and Cosima downstairs the whole time, playing a game of Agricola, drinking chai tea, and eating some kind of vegan salad with spirolina in it? Maybe.

Sarah isn’t pumped with the idea of giving her eggs to be fertilized with Castor sperm. She’s less pumped over the idea of Cosima flying to the mystery island in the Great White North to do crazy science with Susan and Co. (Not that kind of crazy science, perverts. Not till Delphine comes back.)

Take off, to the Great White North!

Take off, to the Great White North!

Susan and Ira are happy with the plan. Not Rachel. She wants to stop Evie, dammit! She wants to go back and work with Sarah and her gang to get Evie out of Neolution and her Mother back as the leader!

As she talks, she sees a swan again, and then a severed swan head, neck mangled and bloody. That can’t be good. “Oh,” she says, resigned.

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Cosima flies with Sarah’s eggs in a CGI helicopter to the secret island of Susan and Co. She’s thrilled and excited to find a cure. Scott thinks the whole thing is insane, because Scott is smart. Think, Cosima. Think.