Orphan Black 4.5 – Human Raw Material

Tatiana and Kristian are comedy gold. Gold, Jerry, GOLD!

Tatiana and Kristian are comedy gold. Gold, Jerry, GOLD!

Previously! Sarah didn’t want Ferdinand’s frittata, MK built bombs and stole Ferdiand’s money and peaced out, Helena peaced out, Donnie jizzed in a cup, no one checked Kira for maggotbots STILL.

Krystal Goderitch is back you guys! She’s totally taking self-defense classes you guys! She’s been working out you guys! She’s going to be prepared for the next time someone tries to victimize her you guys! She’s going to get to the bottom of things you guys! And she’ll still tell everyone around her everything she knows about everything she’s found out with intermanet searches you guys! She’s a warrior now!!

Jesus H Christ Tatiana is cut

Jesus H Christ Tatiana is cut

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Game of Thrones 6.4 – Book of the Stranger

GOT Sansa Brienne Pod[Previously!] GUYS. Remember how some folks were thinking the show would dip down in storytelling and energy? Ha. HA HA HA. Nope! It just gets better and better. This episode was all about families reuniting (kind of) and what was amazing for me, a woman who has watched the women of this show be abused in the most horrific of ways, was how once again, the women told the men, “Chin up” and “Just sit back. I got this.” Nope, I’ll never get enough of that. Let’s get to it, because there is a LOT.

Obligatory reminder that I am Unsullied. Don’t give me that horse pucky about “But we’re all past the books” because everything in the books is not on the show, and no one likes a show off, okay? Don’t flex your book knowledge here for you shall make me sad. It’s funny to watch me guess and flail, right? Right! Show talk only, please and thank you. Continue reading

Orphan Black 4.4 – From Instinct to Rational Control

MK knows how to put on a bitchin' Power Point presentation.

MK knows how to put on a bitchin’ Power Point presentation.

Sorry for the crazy late posting, pals. Work, family gatherings, reunions, etc etc etc. Love you? :'(

Previously: Kira acted weird but no one noticed. Kira might also have something in her but no one has bothered to check cause???? Felix finds his half sister blah blah blah do not care. Alison and Donnie dug up dead Leekie to see if he had a maggot bot in his cheek which he did yay! Sarah is acting crazeee.

MK brushes, flosses, makes a bomb and researches DYAD and Topside. She is very clever, that MK.

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Game of Thrones 6.3 – Oathbreaker

Game of Thrones

You’ve got to pick a pocket or two, boys…

[Previously!] The show started with Ned Stark beheading a guy for breaking his Oath, young Jon at his side. And it ends with… Well, keep reading.

REMINDER: I am NOT a book reader. I am Unsullied and took an oath (hurr) to stay that way, AND MY WATCH HAS NOT ENDED. Every damn week I get someone who wants to laugh and explain that, ha! We’re all on the same boat now, so it’s not like I can be spoiled, right? So anyway, in Book 3…

WRONG. First off, why do you want to be that person? Why? Don’t be that person. Yes, you can still ruin things for me because not everything in the books made it to screen yet. Just stop. Stop. If you think you have some kind of tic where you just can’t help yourself when it comes to talking about the book, you literally have the rest of the internet to talk about them. This is not the place for you.

Just… it’s tiresome. Cut it out. Stop trying to prove this horse-pucky to me, because all you prove is that I won’t like you very much. I’m a nice person and I don’t deserve this. Ahahaha. Ahem. HEY LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS AMAZING SEASON SO FAR! Continue reading

Orphan Black 4.3 – The Stigmata of Progress

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and sometimes what you gotta do is dig up that rotting corpse you buried in your garage under all that cement

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and sometimes what you gotta do is dig up that rotting corpse you buried in your garage under all that cement to get the maggot bot out of it’s cheek so you can help your clone sister who also has a maggot bot in her cheek. Just a normal day.

Previously: The gang came back from Iceland. Felix showed his butt AND his showering upper body. Cosima set up a secret lab under a comic store. Helena is having twins! MK wore her sheep mask and drove which I doubt is a great thing to do visually but whatever I’m just a stickler for vehicle safety I guess. Sarah was attacked by the EMTs cause they thought she was MK but then they saw she had a maggot bot in her cheek so they just left. Wait…what.

Last week I thought the EMTs spoke German but I read on the intermanet that they were speaking Africaans. The intermanet also tells me that Africaans is ‘a Low Franconian West Germanic language descended from Dutch and spoken mainly in South Africa and Namibia.’ So there you have it. We’ve all learned something today.

And can you believe that the entire show timeline has been 6 months? All this has happened in 6 months! Jesus.

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Game of Thrones 6.2 – Home

Hodor Game of Thrones

Hodor? HODOR. …h-Hodor! I did like that he, like Hagrid, is part giant.

[Previously!] SO NOTHING HAPPENED HERE. Nope. Not a thing. Bor-ing, eye-roll inducing lack of–

lies, filthy lies. Okay, so we’re getting into the whole magic/mythos of the world. FINALLY. It’s just been, you know, 6 seasons… (Don’t mind me, I’m just antsy because there was a LOT that happened.) Remember, who has two thumbs and is Unsullied? THIS GAL! No spoilers be found, so thank you kindly for being a bro and helping me enjoy the whole discovery thing.

PYKE IS BACK ON THE MAP. I stood and cheered, y’all. We’re friends. I can tell you this, right? I just love this show, you guys. Warts and all, I love it. I LOVE IT. I’m a ride-or-die kinda gal, and you need to know this about me. Continue reading

Game of Thrones 6.1 – The Red Woman

Jon Snow Game Thrones

[sings softly] “I know I’m unloveable. You don’t have to tell me…”

[Previously!] HEY GUYS ANOTHER YEAR OF HAVING OUR HEARTS RIPPED OUT, WHOO HOO!! Well, I don’t have any heart left, so I feel safe. Ha. HA HA HA, famous last words. You watch, come 6.9, I’ll be drunkenly crying on your shoulder. Fun stuff!

So if you’re new, here’s the skinny: I’m Unsullied! I have sworn a vow not to read the books until the show has come to an end. What’s that? You want to adjust your glasses and inform me that we’re out of Book Territory, ergo, you can say anything about—

NOPE. Ease up, Hoss. You’re stepping into JerkButt land, population: You. No book talk here. You have the whole internet for that, but this little place? [stands with hands on hips, gently smiles] This place is free of all book talk. Thankee, Sai. Plus, just ask some of the old timers and they’ll tell you how fun it is to watch me navigate the show as blindly as Arya Stark on the streets of Braavos. Continue reading

Orphan Black 4.2 – Transgressive Border Crossing

Not a cavity

Not a cavity

Previously: Beth is back! Neolution is back! Dr. Leekie is back! Hot Paul is back! Art was bac- oh wait, he never left. Anyways, it’s all back in flashback form and things were bleak.

This season has so many people. So many characters. SO many. It’s like I’m reading a GRRM novel. Calm down. writers! No more clones! I know, I know, I’m probably the only one to say that they don’t want more clones. I just feel there isn’t enough time dedicated to our fave inner circle.

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Orphan Black 4.1 – The Collapse of Nature

Season Four, bitches!

Season Four, bitches!

Oh hey there, fellow Clone Clubbers! Welcome to season 4. Did you miss me? Did you think about me? I thought about you. A lot. Actually, I really thought about Hot Paul a lot. Hot Paul and Big Macs. Sorry.

Season 4 opens with an episode entirely devoted to Beth. We get to see the days leading up to her shooting Maggie Chen and walking in front of a train which isn’t recommended for your health. Let’s just say that Beth is as big a disaster as one could imagine.

There’s a new clone in the game, but she’s always been in the game and we never got to see her until now. She’s Mika, also called MK, she has an accent, she may be Icelandic and she loves to wear sheep masks. I get the reference (Dolly, the famous clone sheep) but what I don’t get is how the hell does she see out of that thing? If I was sneaking around and spying on bad guys I’d pick something better than this. But that’s just me.

Anyways, let’s get started, shall we?

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Hoarders 8.15 – Sandi, Vivian

hoarders mental illness reality

It’s our season finale, and for me, it was a hell of a tear jerker.  (Look, I’m a mom and my son is a giant and grown up, and I get tender around little guys, okay? Ha ha ha.) Continue reading