Tag Archives: American Horror Story

American Horror Story 1.12: Afterbirth

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

(My sincerest apologies for how long it took me to get this up.)

Wow, this was a weird twelve weeks! As expected, the finale answered precisely zero of the questions I had, and considering spoilers about the next season, they’re probably never going to get answered. But that’s okay–this was a strange, solid finale.

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American Horror Story 1.11: Birth

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

(This post is going to be a little different–not a line-by-line recap, but more of a review with recappish tendencies. Next week will be back to normal, though!)

OH GOODNESS ME, THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE. How how how how how how how are they going to end this season? I need to know immediately. There is literally not enough time left to answer all of the questions I have.

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American Horror Story 1.10: Smoldering Children

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

Oh my gosh, we are WINDING DOWN (or WINDING UP?) I don’t want it to end. I mean, I want to know how it ends, but damn, it’s starting to feel pretty final in here.

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American Horror Story 1.9: Spooky Little Girl

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

Late late late recap, I know, but all those orphans in that burning building couldn’t save themselves, now, could they?

(Confession: I’m an awful procrastinator and deserve to be eaten by wolves. My apologies!)

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American Horror Story 1.8 – Rubber Man

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

Hello! I hope you had a wonderful/delicious Thursday/Thanksgiving. I spent most of mine either working (retail!) or sitting dejectedly in a Denny’s. The latter experience is going to be great fodder for my forthcoming essay collection, In a Florida Denny‘s at Midnight. The former experience is going to be great fodder for the manifesto that the SWAT team pulls off of me as they forcibly remove me from my desert compound.

Before we begin, I would like to direct you to this article: It‘s interesting on its own, but it‘s also extremely relevant to this episode.

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American Horror Story 1.7: Open House

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

This episode marks the long-awaited return of the S in the episode warnings. It’s just been L and V for so long!

Also, I feel like it’s worth noting that this show, campy and crazy and ridiculous as it is, keeps steadily improving with each episode (well, full disclosure: this one wasn’t particularly strong). I’ve enjoyed it enough to write over 26,000 words about it so far, not including tonight’s recap, but I’ve only just now realized how invested I am in what’s happening and who it’s happening to. Nice job, AHS.

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American Horror Story Episode 1.6: Piggy Piggy

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

This was, for me, the scariest episode of the season, in terms of creep factor and legitimate terror. I screamed at the show for the first time, and watched several parts through my fingers for the first time. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. Horror movies and television don’t tend to affect me; I have giggled my way through most mainstream horror movies released in the last few years.

This is not to imply I’m a fearless horror warrior, because I am the opposite. I’ve lost many a night of sleep to spooky internet nonsense and scary video games and imagining what could possibly be lurking in that box in my closet that wasn‘t there before!!!! I have issues with paying attention to, like, everything, but reading and playing video games are way more involved than watching a movie, and that plays to my self-absorption. Symbiosis! Scarebiosis.

However, there are some surefire ways for a movie/show to frighten my posterior off of my body, and this episode nailed a couple of them. So let’s go! Hop onto this tandem tricycle of terror and follow me into the very beating heart of fear. IF YOU EVEN DARE.

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American Horror Story Episode 1.5: Halloween Part Two

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

This was the conclusion of the Halloween two-parter ghostravaganza! I’m sorry this is a bit late, I have a mild cold MALARIBOLA FEVERCULOSIS and am being a giant baby about it enduring stoically. Also, I’ve taken a ton of Nyquil and Sudafed, which I think my body has metabolized into crystal meth, so I apologize in advance if this isn‘t very good (or if I steal your car and drive it through the front of a Wendy‘s). Fortunately, being on meth is probably the best way to fully enjoy this show!

Let us begin!

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American Horror Story 1.4: Halloween, Part One

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

The long-awaited Halloween episode, where some things are explained and other mystery boxes are opened and Zachary Quinto goes a-camping around.

OH MY ACTUAL GOD. I must state for the record that this is the first episode to make me actually gasp in shock. I don’t gasp unless I’m saying the word GASP to sarcastically express my non-surprise at something. I gasped tonight. Straight-up delicate intake of breath, accompanied by wide eyes and a hand to my heart. I’d have looked like a Victorian damsel who was just informed of her secret lover’s infidelity with the Comtesse de Lyon, if only I wasn’t pantsless, wearing a Thor t-shirt, and drinking vodka and OJ (vodka for strength, orange juice for vitamins) out of a dinosaur cup. Its tail is a straw! The head comes off for faster application of vitamins!

But enough of that nonsense. Let’s get all up in this episode’s guts.

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American Horror Story 1.3: Murder House

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(This program airs Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM on FX)

This was only the third episode? That’s nuts. This episode has a couple of flashbacks, which weren’t really enlightening so much as confusing (which is okay).

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