We are going to fast forward through the lame girl-bitchy B.S. that dominated this episode in order to get to the meat. Yolanda has slipped from grace in the space of half of one episode. Impressive. Also? The return of the two greatest not-Housewives happens – Friend-For-Hire DD and Dana $25K Sunglasses – and I literally kicked my feet in the air, almost spilling my wine.
If Alison DuBois comes back with her electronic cigarettes and her pack of lies, then this world will feel pure and true again.
Can it, you predatory, lying charlatan! I stand by my statements about you!
I just wish they put a little effort into their appearance, you know? You’re getting a PICTURE taken ffs.
Last season on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there were mermaids! Weddings! Bickering! And what will sum up this new season, I believe: “If you can’t be my friend, then please don’t be my enemy!”
Yeah, I bet they’re all enemies by the end of this. (And oh my god, if $25,000 isn’t on this season, I will call shenanigans and demand a rematch. She would be amazing to watch with the new wife, Yolanda.) Continue reading
Even Andy is giving Adrienne the stink eye.
Well things got ugly behind scenes, and I’m not talking about Kim’s boyfriend Ken. BOOM. Speaking of, Kim isn’t here for the reunion as she (smartly) checked herself into rehab in December for alcohol, and I truly wish her the best. Pull it together, Escape From Witch Mountain! (Kyle says right up front that she won’t discuss Kim’s rehab.)
But what I want to talk about is how everyone is a total jerkface to my spirit animal, Lisa Vanderpump. Let’s get ready to rumble! Continue reading
First Rule of Weddings: never wear a tiara larger than the Bride's.
It’s here, it’s here! Bobby Trendy’s, I mean, Pandora Vanderpump’s wedding! And if that isn’t a bodice ripper of a name, I don’t know what is. (Oh, and Russell killed himself by this point, BUT WEDDINGS, YAY!) * tugs collar*
It’s the day before The Big Day and Lisa is flying about the grounds as everything is being set up. And Kevin (aka Bobby Trendy) is out of the country. Oh, he’ll be back an hour before the ceremony to say “Chi-chi-chi” and wear his Bruce Lee sunglasses, don’t worry. Continue reading
The Return of Cedric. Look at this smug bastard!
Kyle and her daughter are getting gussied up for Lisa’s Grand Opening. Well, her restaurant SUR’s grand opening. There is no vivisection in this episode. (Although I’d like to volunteer Gollum-Ken.) Continue reading
The one where Kyle just can't let it go.
Okay, so like, the last time we saw 90210 they were on their Senior Class Trip to Hawaii where Kim brought her skeevy boyfriend that is in like, auto shop or something gross (we only talk to her because she’s Kyle’s sister, you know?) And Brandi and Camille were saying “Les-be-friends” with hip grindage and Taylor was all, “I’m totally breaking up with my creepy guy. No, for realsies this time.”
And I realized something: Kyle and Lisa are Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield (Sorry, Kim is Enid, the ugly fringe friend) and Camille is Lila Fowler. Where’s her lime green Triumph? Sorry, off track. Back to Hawaii!
By the grace of Zohar, they will survive this flight!
So, like, remember how Russell totally ruined everyone’s prom by existing? And breathing his open mouth cooties all over an email to Camille so, like, the whole gang was super mad at him and stuff? And they kicked Taylor and Russell out of prom because it’s our Senior Year, you guys. This is supposed to The Year, okay? This is our time our time. And yes, I just quoted Goonies. Because Goonies never die.
…I guess Russell wasn’t a Goonie. (I know. I’m going to hell. I know.)
Kim: before she goes ghetto.
This episode marks the next to the last time that I will have to endure Camille’s horribly delivered tagline, “Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, DD is!” She says freedom, but she should have said DD. (DD tried to put it in her contract.)
So, I finally realized that this show is what 90210 thought it could be. Continue reading
This woman is flawless. Also, her hips don't lie.
It’s the Penultimate Episode!
Remember last week when Friend For Hire DD went bananas, spoiling for a fight? Camille is going to punish her for it this week. Also, Dana returns with the most obnoxious bragging moment ever. Dear Bravo: please feature more of those two trainwrecks. Love, Me. Continue reading
Taylor cannot BELIEVE that DD would show up in her gee-maw's nightgown to a party. So tacky.
My secret BFF Justin the Ladysitter makes an appearance! [And you can play spot the stalker with me in that scene.] Friend-for-hire DD shows up! She even turned her Nana’s sofa’s afghan into a dress! Exposed nipples! Claw your eyes out girlfighting! Yep, we’re going to hang at Malibu Stacy’s, grab a pair of wedges and let’s get to it.