Lisa, your face mirrors mine.
These people. THESE PEOPLE. You know, when you have enough money to think that it’s okay to throw a champagne party for a sixth grader, I just don’t know what to do with you. Wait, yes I do: pour another glass of wine and cackle.
Also, I think I’ve realized that people in SoCal think there really is a Stargate and are prepping their women for RA by turning them into hairless cats. It was just a movie, folks.
A real girlfriend holds back all the hair, Kyle. Also, nice krissles – glamour! Bracelet! Shelves! Sbosky krissles.
This episode was a two-fer: our regular ladies plus the slimy tanned bags of desperate flesh that work for Lisa at SUR. I’m sorry, the “attractive” people that aren’t really waiters and bartenders deep down, but soon-to-be-famous “actors.” (Is that too harsh? Look, one girl pronounces “bitch” like “batch.” I can’t be held accountable for my actions when confronted with that.) Continue reading
When a spot of tea is the most hilarious thing on your episode, you need to revisit why your show exists, Bravo.
The morally corrupt Faye Resnick (Camille’s term, not mine) shows up at a dinner party doing that voo doo that she do so well: gettin’ up in someone’s grill over the first course. We also meet a new potential Housewife but I don’t know why she’d be one seeing as she wasn’t irritating, braggy, or awful. Why do we want to watch that?
This was one of those episodes where they clearly were dragging things out just to fill the docket.
HEEEEEEEEEY GUYS! Just because I’m sober doesn’t mean I’m normal!
Wanna see my chakras?
Last week was STFU-gate, and this week it’s the Bickersons vs. Brandi, The Showdown to put the Ho Down. But before we get there, Kyle and Mauricio egg their own house. I just… Whatever. Let’s go visit the Try Hards.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you know what’s happening here.
This is HATE SEX, pure and simple.
First off, boo to you, Bravo for your punny title. You’re better than that. Don’t think that means I’m quitting you, because I can’t. One day they’ll find your promo tee-shirt hanging inside my favorite chambray work shirt and I’ll look stoically across the Wyoming sky, missing you something fierce.
Until then, let’s have fun gawking at crazy rich people! We last left off with Brandi and Kim playing nice at dinner, Kim overcome and crying (“I just have a lot of feelings…”) Continue reading
Who could it be?
I’m just messing with you, it’s Kim. Also, someone pissed off the lighting crew from the looks of things.
Let’s just go ahead and accept that because these people are partially human (look at all the plastic in their skin!) and live almost unbelievable lives that we’re just going to get a little cray over here, okay? Okay. But first: to Mulholland! Nothing bad ever happened there… Continue reading
We are going to fast forward through the lame girl-bitchy B.S. that dominated this episode in order to get to the meat. Yolanda has slipped from grace in the space of half of one episode. Impressive. Also? The return of the two greatest not-Housewives happens – Friend-For-Hire DD and Dana $25K Sunglasses – and I literally kicked my feet in the air, almost spilling my wine.
If Alison DuBois comes back with her electronic cigarettes and her pack of lies, then this world will feel pure and true again.
Can it, you predatory, lying charlatan! I stand by my statements about you!