Tag Archives: loincloth

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena – 1.03 – Paterfamilias

PREVIOUSLY ON SPARTACUS: GODS OF THE ARENA – we had long awaited beatdowns! long awaited threesomes! death! betrayal! hot sex! tragic sex! And Barca pissed in the porridge. Bad Barca, no biscuit.

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Our army of hot mens is assembling in the ludus for a triumphant announcement from Batty – Gannicus will fight in the primus of the opening games at the new arena! Gannicus looks uber emo at the mention of the awesome performance that won him this honor, namely, the boning of his beffie’s wife. Melitta similarly tries not to look nauseated and fails. SIGH. Oenomaus’ ascension to Doctore is also announced, to wild cheering, because let’s face it, everyone fucking loves his fine ass. Continue reading

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena – 1.02 – Missio

PREVIOUSLY ON SPARTACUS: GODS OF THE ARENA! We saw old friends, we met new friends, we saw old enemies as old friends, we met new enemies and wanted to shank them, a smug frat boy was Champion of Capua, and Crixus was a long-haired woobie. A cool story, bro, indeed.

Poor Batiatus. He’s been having wicked nightmares lately, constantly reliving his epic beatdown in the market at the hands (and urethras) of Tullius and Vettius. It’s an excellent look into his psyche when we see that the most painful part of his dream is not the actual physical abuse, but how he imagines the people disgustedly turning away from him in the marketplace as though he’s a hideous monster. Oh Batsypie. You are a monstrous creeper, but it’s not because you got your ass kicked and your face pissed on. It’s because you’re an amoral sociopathic dickwad. FYI. Continue reading

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena – 1.01 – Past Transgressions

Watch Spartacus on Starz Friday nights, check local listings.

Oh Spartacus. I have been waiting so goddamn long for this prequel shit. If you fail me, there will be much sobbing and flailing and rending of garments – no pressure or anything. It’s already bad enough that this season will be Spartyless. Continue reading