Tag Archives: Malcolm Ward

Ringer 1.22 – I’m The Good Twin

Bridget!Siobhan's fairy-tale love and rainbow candy dreams, all cut down by Bodaway Macawi's Bowie Knife of DOOM! Oh, and also by Bridget's enormous lies.

I’m sure you remember from that Shakespeare survey you took back in college (and if you’re taking it this semester, go finish As You Like It RIGHT NOW; there’s going to be a surprise quiz on Friday!): comedies often end in weddings.  So what does it say that the season finale of Ringer opens with a wedding? Generically, is it really a spoiler to say clearly things can only go horribly downhill from here?

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Ringer 1.21 – It’s Called Improvising, Bitch!

As Ringer's first season nears its conclusion, everything boils down to one simple question: is Catherine going to have to shoot a bitch?

Oh my god, Ringer; Ringer, oh my GOD!

There is almost no way to tease into this without spoilers aplenty, so I’ll just say before the read-more that this fine frenetic episode has the following nuggets of awesome: sedative-spiking, gun-pulling, Wyoming-banishing, voyeurism-forcing, bathtub-drowning, true-love-sobbing, sexuality-shifting, and paternity-denying. Discover its delights along with me, won’t you?

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Ringer 1.20 – If You’re Just an Evil Bitch, Then Get Over It

Catherine takes her fistful of crazy pills—OR DOES SHE?

It’s another typical night at the Martin household for Andrew, where gloating over besting your ex-wife’s fraudulent plots is quickly topped by your current wife calling to say, hi, honey, guess what—I’ve been shot at again! And then darned if you don’t find your pesky ex-wife hiding in your daughter’s room, earning herself yet more points in the Worst Parent Ever competition by deciding to bleed to death all over Juliet’s nice Pottery Barn Kids rug.

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Ringer 3.19 – Let’s Kill Bridget

Agent Machado facepalms while junkie stripper Bridget has a sexy crisis of conscience

Ringer brings us in for the kill this episode, giving us Bridget shot and bleeding on a scrungy mattress in some warehouse right at the outset. Boo-yeah! But hold on to your Flashdance-era ripped sweaters, kids, because this is only one bloody scene in an episode with violence and shots ringing out and Henry once again getting framed for everything ever! Let’s bring on scenes with strippers and a zillion flashbacks and Agent Machado freaking losing it!

But first, let’s open with Vic providing some boring exposition catching up all you lazy lazersons who haven’t been watching weekly. *gives you all the stinkeye*

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Ringer 1.18 – That Woman’s Never Been a Victim Her Entire Life

Good thing both Bridget and Siobhan decided to wear the exact same black coat!

Dang, this is a hard episode to lead into without any spoilers in my teaser-text, so I’ll just say this: finally, with this arc, Victor Machado ALMOST GOT TO DO SOMETHING! Sure, he didn’t catch the nefarious *mumblemumble* and he didn’t stop the horrible *blahblah* but he was there and chasing people and barking orders (that people probably would have already followed on their own, but still). Go Vic!  Continue reading

Ringer 1.17 – What We Have is Worth The Pain

This episode of Ringer, everything gets incredibly complicated. Henry's "Wha-huuhh?" face says it all.

We open, as we so often do, in PARIS, FRANCE!  Siobhan’s there of course as she phones Henry, because she loves the City of Lights.  Also, she loves racking up those frequent flyer miles.  Seriously, I bet the flight attendants in business class all know how she takes her Shizzitinis (see how I did a tribute to Tyler, there?).  I’m surprised she hasn’t gone to NYC and back before the teaser is over.  Continue reading

Ringer 1.16 – You’re Way Too Pretty To Go To Jail

Andrew plots and schemes -- but is it *evil* plotting and scheming?

We’re geared up to find out if Andrew’s gone evil! Rogue! Renegade! But instead we open on Siobhan swooning into a room in an outfit so ill-advised, I think maybe for a moment it’s Bridget in a drug-addict-era flashback.  Continue reading

Ringer 1.15 – P.S. You’re An Idiot

Puffy!Henry gets to have some smarmy fun at Bridget!Siobhan's expense, ho ho!

Double your Ringer pleasure, double your Ringer fun!  No, we’re not riffing on Chris Brown’s adver-song shilling for Doublemint Gum; we’re celebrating the angst-doubling for Siobhan as she finds out (in PARIS, FRANCE!) that she’s pregnant with twins.  Just like she and Bridget are twins!  Just like Henry and dead-Gemma’s children (who have doubtless been locked away somewhere in their monogrammed jimmies, as we’ve not spotted them in forever) are twins!  In case you missed the prevailing Ringer theme-hammering here, TWINS!

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Ringer 1.14 – Whores Don’t Make That Much

Bridget frisks Andrew as Siobhan -- but she longs to frisk him as Bridget!

Malcolm’s back in town, in time to join Bridget in finding out someone’s cleared Siobhan’s formerly well-appointed Secret Office of ~Mystery~.  They discuss how the person who left high-heel footprints in that dusty dusty storage space must have taken everything, including the stupid sailboat key fob, completely ignoring the obvious solution that SIOBHAN IS STILL TOTALLY ALIVE, OKAY?!   To be fair, Malcolm and Bridget were pretty distracted by becoming GPS phone app besties.  Wherever they go, whatever they do, they’re gonna go through it togeeeether! Continue reading

Ringer 1.13 – It’s Easy To Cry, When This Much Cash Is Involved

Bridget!Siobhan stops playing Girl Detective for a second to play the part of Juliet's normal (i.e., stripper pole dancing, pill snorting, crime boss corroborating, dead sister imitating) step-mom.

Bridget’s back for another ride with Solomon, Siobhan’s former chauffeur — a ride of ~mystery~!  See, Bridget!Siobhan explains she’s newly sober, and has “whole chunks of time” she can’t remember.  Solomon’s job is to drive her around and help her figure out how she was living her life.  Why can I not get anyone to do that for me?  I’d like to sit in the back of a limo and have other people bring me up to speed on myself.

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