Tag Archives: Norse Goddess Yolanda

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.12 – Kim Nose Best

This is an ironic toasting of that bad pun, Bravo.

This is an ironic toasting of that bad pun, Bravo.

Fail, Bravo on the pun. FAIL.  Also, Kim so clearly does NOT nose best, because this whole thing started with her saying she liked her nose, but maybe possibly kinda-sorta Kyle didn’t?  GROSS.  Also in this episode: slut shaming, man shaming, pole dancing and Camille flips her shit. Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.5 – Girls Gone Ojai’ld

Don’t be fooled into thinking you know what’s happening here.
This is HATE SEX, pure and simple.

First off, boo to you, Bravo for your punny title. You’re better than that. Don’t think that means I’m quitting you, because I can’t. One day they’ll find your promo tee-shirt hanging inside my favorite chambray work shirt and I’ll look stoically across the Wyoming sky, missing you something fierce.

Until then, let’s have fun gawking at crazy rich people! We last left off with Brandi and Kim playing nice at dinner, Kim overcome and crying (“I just have a lot of feelings…”) Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.4 – Uh Oh Somebody’s Crying

Who could it be?

I’m just messing with you, it’s Kim. Also, someone pissed off the lighting crew from the looks of things.

Let’s just go ahead and accept that because these people are partially human (look at all the plastic in their skin!) and live almost unbelievable lives that we’re just going to get a little cray over here, okay?  Okay.  But first: to Mulholland!  Nothing bad ever happened there… Continue reading

Real Housewives 3.3 – Don’t Sing For Your Supper

This is the most surreal thing that has happened on this show. Also, stop tearing celery with your hands, Kim, that’s weird. And nobody wants your STUPID chicken salad, god.

There are no gloriously tacky social climbers tonight but there are two things that made this episode sublime: Kim’s ginormous vat of chicken salad for no one, and everything Yolanda. Seriously. Everything. She restored herself in my eyes here, even though I will always side-eye her for potential racism. Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.2 – The Higher The Heels

We are going to fast forward through the lame girl-bitchy B.S. that dominated this episode in order to get to the meat. Yolanda has slipped from grace in the space of half of one episode. Impressive. Also? The return of the two greatest not-Housewives happens – Friend-For-Hire DD and Dana $25K Sunglasses – and I literally kicked my feet in the air, almost spilling my wine.

If Alison DuBois comes back with her electronic cigarettes and her pack of lies, then this world will feel pure and true again.

Can it, you predatory, lying charlatan! I stand by my statements about you!

Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.1 – Down and Out in Beverly Hills

I just wish they put a little effort into their appearance, you know? You’re getting a PICTURE taken ffs.

Last season on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there were mermaids! Weddings! Bickering! And what will sum up this new season, I believe: “If you can’t be my friend, then please don’t be my enemy!”

Yeah, I bet they’re all enemies by the end of this. (And oh my god, if $25,000 isn’t on this season, I will call shenanigans and demand a rematch. She would be amazing to watch with the new wife, Yolanda.) Continue reading