“I can’t help but notice that this is not my bed.”
Sorry for the lack of an episode last week! We’re jumping right back in, though. Random Shoes! This is one of those “Love & Monsters”/”Blink” episodes of the Doctor Who universe where we bench the main team for most of the episode and let some random person take the reins. This time, it’s Eugene Jones (Paul Chequer), an adorable, hapless geek whose voice over we should get comfortable with for the next fifty minutes.
Torchwood: Decidedly not a period romance.
Welcome back to Torchwood! We begin in Cardiff, 1812, where a prostitute named Mary (Daniela Denby-Ashe) leads a British soldier out into the forest with every intention of happily deflowering him. She asks whether it’s his first time, and if the other boys in his regiment are making fun of him, and he slaps her once, and then again. Because Mary is a cool, self-respecting prostitute, she tells him that she isn’t his hound and hits him right back, leaving scratches in his cheek. He looks at her with murder in his eyes, so she runs. She only stops when she hears a terrible metallic sound, and sees a huge, pulsing light through the trees. She runs towards it, with him right on her tail. He stops, pulls his gun, and then follows her towards the light, which disappears when he gets closer. He finds her with her back to him, and when she turns around, he asks, “Do whores have prayers?” She smiles like she has a secret, and he pulls the trigger.
Definitely the face of someone with nothing at all to hide.
We open with a close-up on an anxious-looking Ianto straightening his tie and taking a steadying breath. This is the first time we can really see him up close, how pale and gaunt he is. He steps out of the lift and through the cogwheel door into the Hub, where Tosh, Owen, Gwen and Jack are playing a two-on-two game of basketball, with Myfanwy shrieking in the background. (Myfanwy, in case you’ve forgotten, is the pteranodon.) Everyone’s happy and laughing, and Gwen steals the ball from Jack and throws it up to Owen on the second level for him to drop through the hoop. It’s totally an illegal move, but whatever, they win! So the first round is on Jack, and they all cheerfully argue about it as they leave, passing Ianto without a glance, even Jack, who throws the basketball at him as they go. He catches it, and when they’re gone, he drops it and runs down into the Hub. He is definitely up to something secret, and he’s terrified about it.
CCTV: helping police to capture dark blobs since whenever they installed it.
We open on a chase! Gwen and Owen are running through Cardiff, chasing a fleeing suspect through the streets and into a shopping center. Tosh is in the Hub, tracking the rift energy coming off of the suspect and directing Gwen, Owen, and Jack, who is in the SUV. Just as Tosh gets a good visual on the suspect – young, male, wearing a hoodie – Jack arrives and jumps out of the SUV to join the hunt. In the shopping center, someone is bringing the gate down on the exit, and the suspect slips through. Gwen only just manages to roll underneath of it and keep running, while Owen and Jack crash into it and yell for it to be raised again. The suspect jumps a gate and runs into a train station, and Gwen follows, and finally grabs the suspect’s jacket, but he slips out and gets away. Tosh is ecstatic. “You did it!” But Gwen says she didn’t; he got away. Tosh is sure that whatever the rift energy was, she is definitely holding it. Confused, Gwen looks through the pockets of the jacket she’s still holding. There is a little alien device, with its lights bright and flashing. As if she’s being willed to do so, Gwen thumbs the button at the top of the device.