So this happened. (Deleted scene, whew.)
We pick back up with Mike being a scuzzball and hanging all over Snooki, we’re post deep throating with Pauly and Deena (no, really. Guys, I know.) and I think I’ve figured out why she falls over all the damn time. Continue reading
There are three classes of people: those who see. Those who see when they are shown. And friggin' classless losers."
It is finally here, re-imagined Italians butting up against the Real Deal. We have to put up with Mike the Situation, but he gets knocked out in later episodes for being La Douche Vita. Uncle Nino is coming along to help as a travel guide. (You’ll see.) Continue reading
I’ve got my pouf on, am pretending that a tube top is an entire dress, have tequila shots and an orange face, because this is it until Italy, folks. We have to say goodbye and do whatever people do when they’re not being drunken party animals. What, do they read? Like, books? Work in an office where they have to cover their chests and legs like grandmas? We’ll get through this together. Come do a shot off my belly, you’ll feel better. Continue reading
Sammi has been scream-crying “I’m not wrong, let me go!” for what seems like an eternity (really just since the last episode) and Ron replies, “Oh, you’re never wrong!” BOOM, in your face, Sam.
But I was promised Meatballs in boxes, like Maru, but greasier. Continue reading
(these are late because I was hit with the monster flu. Apologies.)
We last left off with Ron and Sam being friends, with no hint whatsoever of wanting to get back together, and they both decided to lay of Xenadrine and tanning and take up urban beekeeping. MIRACLES WERE HAPPENING. So can these two make it work? Spoiler alert: durr. Continue reading
I’m rooting for these kids, I really am, but holy Mary mother of Godric, they are some filthy-ass roommates. Fresh-to-death my ass.
Before we get to the unbelievable toilet situation, we last left off with Sammi having come back to the house. While everyone greets her with smiles and hugs, Ron – a dopey expression on his face – takes the entire pitcher of Ron-Ron Juice (essence of Lavender and a Cling sheet mixed with butterbeer) in his grip and staggers outside to collect himself. Continue reading
I’ve never been to the shore, the closest I’ve gotten is the song Bitchin’ Camaro, so I have no idea how small a place it is. It seems like there may only be fifty people that live there. I say that because the show opens with Snooki snuggling with her Mario Brother, who isn’t feeling it. He leaves, she complains to Jenni about how the sex wasn’t even worth it [national television diss! Ouch.] and Jenni tells her that maybe she should call up Roger’s buddy Nick, who she met up with a few weeks back. Good idea, they talk on the phone and make plans to have a date at 4:30. The small town stuff is coming, hang on.
Meanwhile, Continue reading
I’ve learned that in addition to the birthplace of all artificial flavorings, Jersey is also where clichéd statements are born. The more you know…
Last episode was Sammi leaving, and we open with Ron watching her go, then he takes the Long Walk to the patio and cries it out like the tough guy he is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for men expressing emotions beyond anger and horniness, but this guy cries at the drop of a hat. Or the slam of a door. Or the sound of a beer being cracked open. Or the switching on of a hair straightener. Nut up, Bubba. Continue reading
You know how in Groundhog Day Bill Murry’s character kept running away from the irritating insurance guy from high school, the guy that would never shut up, and Bill stepped in that icy puddle of road slush over and over and over again? The difference with Sammi and ‘Roids is that they haven’t learned to step a little further and miss the damn thing entirely.
Jersey Shore, Season 3 episode 6
You know that feeling of euphoria you get when you’ve done a good deed that’s been well received and you know that you’ve earned the right to let your hair down and just relax, and then you do? And that feeling of well being just flows over your whole body and you think to yourself, “What a wonderful world?”
Neither do the kids of the Shore House. Continue reading