Kyle and Taylor wobble on their Jimmy Choos across someone’s thoughtless gravel drive for a lunch date. Their hostess isn’t ready for them yet, as she’s still working with a dress maker and jeweler. She greets them in a boob-hugging beaded gown and tiara. As one does for lunch. Continue reading
Tag Archives: real onyx floors
Cracked teeth, black water and hookah pipes. Yep, we’re in Jersey.
The Manzo boys drive out to their grandparents’ house where Noni’s craft room has been turned into a new office for them. Uncle Chris (Jacqueline’s husband) has fronted the money for them to start up a business doing… they’re not sure yet. Continue reading
Last week Ashley reminded America that she was the worst, that she was a Grandpa fart during church service. This week she does the same but – wait for it – I finally understand why she’s so awful. Revelations a-go-go up in this joint! Continue reading
They’re really pushing it with the titles of episodes now; they’re working too hard. Lemme help out the folks at Bravo: “The One Where Teresa’s Kids Are Brats” or “The One With The Creepy Boob Polishing.” I got it, “The One Where Everyone Wears Way Too Much Eye Makeup.” Well, that last one could be all of them. Continue reading
Bravo reminds us of last week’s holiday party with amped up tension music and loads of shots of a plastic-faced Kim G. Monica Chacon, the attorney suing the Giudices, is quietly escorted to the door, and Teresa is appeased. Continue reading
Kim G shows up. So basically this is gonna be a loooong night. And I would like to state for the millionth time that money doesn’t buy you class (isn’t that a song by one of the housewives from another show?) And Exhibit A is Kim Granatell, aka Kim G. Let’s dive right into Tacky Christmas! Continue reading
Time for Tacky Christmas! Who doesn’t love Christmas in July? I mean, besides Jews, Muslims, Hindus, atheists, Jehovah’s Witnesses…. Continue reading
A massive cat-fight was a’brewing between Jesus Spice and Teresa. Vegas odds favored Tre seeing as she likes to flip tables and there’s a massive solid oak number near her gel-filled manicure. Jesus Spice could be the dark horse, though, she looks scrappy. Continue reading
Tonight is part one of the Big Teresa Fight, which is now a tradition for every season. Before we get to that, we have Caroline, the most respectable of the housewives, preparing for her new radio show on Radio Jersey, “Caroline Rules.” Looks like she got the gig.
Her friend comes over to help her practice, and I swear she’s the Puerto Rican/Italian doppleganger of Caroline’s sister Dina. Anyone else notice that? Aw, I miss Dina and her red hair thread and Grandma Wrinkles. Continue reading
Jesus Spice ambles about her room as Bro Joe flips the kids around on the bed. Mel wanders off with a stack of Ed Hardy tees to put away and starts singing (spontaneously!) “Amazing Grace” as everything in Bro Joe’s world shifts off its axis. He shushes the children and literally tilts his head towards the breathless, slightly flat singing drifting from their closet.
He clutches the children to his pumped up chesticles. “Dere’s a friggin’ angel singing in dis house, you kiddin me widdiss?” He might start crying. Continue reading