The Doctor’s intimacy issues writ large: cue the wedding bells!
A wide-view of Earth zooms to focus on a bride walking down the aisle. As she approaches the groom, we see she’s positively radiant: glowing, if you will! Oh dear, perhaps that’s a dangerous sort of glow. She screams, turning into light particles that zip away and re-form in the TARDIS so she can yell, “What the hell is this place?” Feisty!
Look into the Exterminating Plunger and say “WAH!”
As the Daleks released from the Sphere cry “Exterminate!” Rose calls them out, yo! She knows them and the Time Wars; they’ll have to keep her, Mickey, and Raj alive to find out why. “You will be necessary,” the Daleks agree in shrill voices before checking on the Genesis Ark. Hey Rose, the Daleks, not looking so dead, Mickey points out. “Never mind that; what the hell is the Genesis Ark?” Rose demands. Something guaranteeing the Daleks the Best Extermination Ever, I’d wager!
3-D Specs Doctor — he ain’t ‘fraid ‘a no ghosts!
For nineteen years, Rose’s voiceover says, “nothing happened. Nothing at all, not ever.” Flashback to meeting Nine (oh, Nine!), and sharing “the whole of time and space” with the Doctor (montaging through moments with Ten). She thought she’d stay with him forever, but then came the Army of Ghosts, Torchwood, and the War. “This is the story of how I died.” Now. We’ve had some grim openers, but *huddles under blankets*
The Doctor and Rose sniff out a very stinky mystery!
A London 2012 Olympics banner stretches over a neighborhood where posters of missing children abound. A grandmother-type urges some boys inside: “It likes when they’re playing!” I watch through my fingers until it’s quite clear this isn’t a Very Special Pedo Bear episode. Oh, thank goodness; instead, it’s a mean little girl singing “Koukaburra” alone in her bedroom and sketching kids until they go *poof!* from outside and end up trapped in her pictures.
Hey, I am so glad we stretched out that mystery to the end of the ep! Oh, hell, we’re not even at the opening credits, are we? “What do you want with our children?” the elderly woman cries. Not to build suspense, I’ll tell you that much.
Alien to porky-choppy: Barooo?
A man runs along an abandoned warehouse, stopping when he sees the TARDIS. His evident awe is interrupted when we hear Rose call “Doctor!” Inside, the man comes face to face with a roaring alien. “And that’s what it did,” he exclaims (now at the interior of a flat). “It went roar!”
Flashback to the alien: the Doctor pops up, waving a raw pork chop at the alien. “Get out of here,” the Doctor says to his observer before cooing, “Wouldn’t you like a porky-choppy then?” to the very interested alien.
Oods cluster round him, like moths to a flaaaame,/And if The Beast burns, the Doctor’s not to blaaaame!
As everything on the Impossible planet goes nutso, security head Jefferson opens fire. When the three Ood attacking destroy another Random Guard with their Drink Orbs of Doom, Jefferson kills them. In the Control room, Zack seals the doors before more Ood attack.
Agreeing with Jefferson they need to initiate Strategy 9, Zack asks if Rose has heard from the Doctor. No, radio silence — until the Doctor finally checks in, telling them the seal at Point Zero is open, but nothing’s coming out. “You could’ve said, you stupid,” Rose rails, her undoubtedly awesome stream of cussing cut off by a zap of feedback. Kiss your mother with that mouth, Rose? And in fact, we know she does!
First it’s a kiss on your space helmet; next thing you know, you have a mortgage and demonic ink symbols and a Legion of Ood!
The Doctor and Rose land on a kit-constructed sanctuary base in deep space, far from their usual “Oh, look, isn’t that Earth I see from this viewing platform?” grounded adventures. There are drilling sounds in the air, unreadable ancient letters on the wall, and yay, a squad of Cthulhu guys, each bearing an orb leading into their mouths with a tube! I swear, those orb/tube combos looked so much like drink containers I had to stop to get raspberry-lime seltzer. “We must feed!” the Cthulhu gang repeats menacingly. *stops again for peanut butter toast*
Video killed the radio star! Also, it sucks off your face.
As the owner of an electronics store bemoans his debts, the Connolly family gathers round to hear a radio program, though the son really wants a new television. Everyone’s getting one for the upcoming coronation of Queen Elizabeth so all the kids can copy her ornate monarchical cloak, dad!
But his father Eddie is too busy flaunting his Every Soldier’s Medals from WWII and ignoring the boy’s Gran, who sardonically calls him “our lord and master”. Besides, Gran says, television rots your brains into soup, which then pours out your ears. Let’s hope it’s a hearty vegetarian mulligatawny, eh? *heats up some naan*
In the escape van, the Doctor considers whether to start a-rockin’, to see if anyone will come a-knockin’.
When his pretend-surrender to the Cybermen fails, the Doctor uses his plucky bit of TARDIS to disintegrate the horde closing in on him. Luckily the awesome and capable Mrs. Moore pulls the van round for an escape. “Anyone inside that house is dead; don’t let her die for nothing,” the Doctor urges Pete when he hesitates to flee knowing Jackie’s inside. “Never seen a slower getaway in my life!” Mrs. Moore complains as they finally flee the scene of Mass Deletions.
Posted in Television
Tagged 10th Doctor, BBC, Doctor Who, Jackie Tyler, Mickey Smith, Pete Tyler, Rose Tyler, TARDIS, Ten, Tenth Doctor, The Age of Steel, The Doctor
The Cybermen will make you yodel as they delete you!
In a super secret lah-bor-a-tory, a wheelchair-bound evil man croons to his newest creation, a being featuring a brain welded to an exoskeleton. Calling it “my child”, he pooh-poohs his scientist pal’s insistence they tell Geneva about this. I mean, screw them and their bioconventions! How’s the scientist going to tell on him and his metal babies when he’s killed dead? Yeah, I thought so. Set sail for Great Britain!
Posted in Television
Tagged 10th Doctor, BBC, Doctor Who, Jackie Tyler, Mickey Smith, Pete Tyler, Rise of the Cybermen, Rose Tyler, TARDIS, Ten, Tenth Doctor, The Doctor