Tag Archives: Simon’s Heart is Full of Dead Kittens

X Factor USA 1.16 – Top 10 Results

Not so fastAre you ready for some outrageous drama? A shock elimination? A rogue contestant refusing to perform? Hold on to your attractive headgear, because you get all this and more, tonight on X Factor USA.  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.15 – Top 10

It’s Rock Night, and you know what that means! That means the rockers who make up the Top Ten will finally get their chance to shine. Rockers like…um…that is…ahem…Josh Kracjic when he’s drunk? Oh, this is gonna be good. And by good I mean GLORIOUSLY BAD.  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.12(2) – Top 11 Results

Is there anything more enjoyable than watching someone have a nervous breakdown on live TV? Other than every other thing ever, I mean. Read on to find out who put the awk in awkward tonight.  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.12 – Top 11

This week’s theme is “Movie Music”, all the better to shamelessly flog Adam Sandler’s new movie entitled Artistically Bereft. The Top 11 get to meet him and dutifully squee over his comic genius. “That was the funniest movie I’ve ever seen!!” declares Drew. Well, at least it isn’t in 3D. Small mercies, right?         Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.11(2) – Top 12 Results

Hottie McHottiepantsEverything’s been a cake walk up to this point, people. It’s time to face the music — or so the freakishly chirpy voice-over tells us. They should have had Denis Leary do it. I’ve never watched X Factor before this season, so I’m not sure what’s going to happen. What crazy rules apply? Even better, what mishaps will occur? I don’t have to wait long to find out. Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.11 – Top 12

Welcome to the Top 12, where your vote finally counts. Who was forced to dress up like the four seasons this episode? Has the show been picked up for next year? Which act gave me honest-to-goodness goosebumps? Why did Simon have to say he’s s-s-s…s-s-s…? All these and many more questions will be answered, tonight on The X Factor USA!  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.10 – Top 17

The gloves are off and it’s time for the live shows. What does that mean for us, the semi-loyal viewers? It means the judges are no longer a team, they’re now blood-thirsty competitors who are going to spend the entire show at each others’ throats trying to piss off and psych each other out. Yay!  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.09 – Judge’s Homes Part 3

Here’s where the rubber meets the road, my pudding pops. The judges have chosen their four top contestants to go through to the live shows — it’s time to introduce the Final 16. Let me say up front that I rather violently frothed at some of the choices that were made, so get ready because there’s a storm a-brewin’, and I plan on going all Category 5 on some of those judge’s asses.  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.08 – Judge’s Homes Part 2

This time on X Factor USA: Rihanna having carnal feelings for one of the contestants! Paula roughing up her guest judge! Simon in bare feet with chest hair shimmering in the late afternoon Paris sun!  All that and much more, right this way…  Continue reading

X Factor USA 1.07 – Judges’ Homes Part 1

The remaining 32 contestants who made it through boot camp last week have had their five minutes to gloat over their victory. Now it’s time for them to face the music (get it?) at the judges’ homes, where their numbers will be brutally sliced in half. That’s right, tonight it’s X Factor: Saw Edition. Forget the singers, though. I want to see if Simon decorated his home in red leather and fun fur. This is only a guess on my part, but I’m crossing my fingers!  Continue reading