"Ya can't go out with dem floppy moobs, Vin, I have standards with who I date."
In case you can’t remember what happened last week, here’s your refresher: Mike was a dick, Snooki was drunk, Deena fell down a lot, Ron said bro so many times he had a seizure, and Vinny and Pauly’s love continued to flourish in the city of fiery love, Florence.
"I got ya bresaola right here! Who's hungry?" (Note the guy on the far left with his half-assed "eh," clap.)
Last week the girls took naps on wine casks, Deena was constantly on the prowl to “do sex” and Mike was a jerk. Oh, and Snooki called her boyfriend to say she didn’t have sex with Vinny, so they’re back together, but really now, this is her last chance! That is Kool and the Gang with her. Except for how she later finds out she did have sex with Vinny, and immediately calls him to say, oops, we knocked boots, but I love you so it’s okay, right?
We hear bull-snort level heavy breathing on the other end of the line. Continue reading
This is a perfectly reasonable place for a nap. Let's all just be grateful those are shorts.
Remember how sad Snooki was about her One True Love Jionni leaving her? Remember how she only wanted him? And remember how she proved that by climbing in bed with Vinny and getting reacquainted with Seabiscuit? If that doesn’t tell your boyfriend you care, I guess I don’t know what will. “I love you so much I’m going to have sex with this guy, are you happy now?”
Their world is very different from mine. Continue reading
Guys? A little help here? ...guys? ...guys??
Last episode, the world played Snooki’s Gynecologist, her boyfriend Jionni stormed out, and Jenni walked all over the cobbled streets of Florence looking for him. Just a typical Thursday.
Vinny's beard talks Snooki off the ledge.
This episode was short on content, but long on drunken drama. And I want to state publicly my sorrow for the crew and editors that have to pixelate…things. Bless your hearts. Also, Jenni and Vinny are totally the mom and dad of this whacked out family. Continue reading
The girls react to being told what happened the night before.
This one took a bit because I had to pop my eyeballs out and soak them in bleach for a few hours. I love this show, I love the kids (mostly) on this show, but this is one where I can’t stop shouting at the TV, “Where are their mothers?” Continue reading
What are you, stanud? We are...two wild and crazy guys!
Mike has become a pathetic version of Charlie Brown, moping about the house in his neck brace and sunglasses, wanting someone to kiss his boo boos and tell him what a brave strong little man him is, and would him like some soups and blankies and the Little Mermaid on the televisions, hmm? It’s so ridiculously pathetic. Continue reading
Trombone noise: Wah waaaaah!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
If this had been a drinking game where we took a shot every time Sammi wailed out, “Staaaaahp!” we’d all be in the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
Last episode ended on the cliffhanger of Mike slobbering out “I don’t get involved in your relationship!” over and over, which is nonsense. It also showed the two guys going at each other, but it failed to show a very important moment that was cut out of last week. Continue reading
Wait, Sam and Ron fighting?? How can this be? They NEVER fight!
THE EPISODE WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR IS HERE! Kinda! Well, it gets started, but we have to wait until Sunday night to see the rest of the Mike “The Snitch-uation” and Ron “Gorillas of the Mist” knock each other out. (Ha, I’m kidding. Mike can’t knock out ‘Roid Rage Ron, come on!)
But first we have to deal with last night’s robbery… Continue reading
'Winning' twins? Really? I guess... They're a little too 'road hard, put away wet' in my opinion.
Remember Mike had that chick that’s DTF? Brit? She rushed over at 4am for a booty call because she is bursting with self respect and has no daddy issues whatsoever. This week the show starts with Mike leaving her to find her shirt while he calls her a cab. He goes to the terrace sofa for some shut eye and is awoken by a hell beast bent on his destruction. A pigeon lands nearby, basically.