Tag Archives: sparklepires

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Good heavens, Miss Bella, you’re beautiful! But you might look into some Visine. #420BlazeIt

I’ve said this on Twitter, but it bears repeating: the best part of this movie was me leaving.

We have a hard and fast rule here at HDJM to spread love, but since I honestly believe Twilight is hazardous to your health, I feel like I’m doing a public service here in exposing it for the painful dreck that it is.

If that doesn’t tell you that I’m not a Twi-fan, then I have no idea what will. [And all Twilight-Defenders will be heartily laughed at. You have EVERYWHERE ELSE in the world to have your joy. This is our time. Our time, down here. [/Goonies reference.] You have been warned, Twi-hards. Continue reading

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part One

Um, this is going to hurt. A lot. Love you!

I’m breaking the rules here at HDJM by reviewing something that I do NOT love.  Well, I love to hate it, so there we go.  If you’re interested in my views on Twilight, I posted a series where I point out all of the flaws and how Mormon the books are, the LDS Sparkledammerung.  This is more of an MSTK3, because we all kinda hate it, don’t we?

First off, let’s just establish right off the bat that this did not need to be two damn movies. Do you have a frantic race from orcs in the Mines of Moria? Or a massive battle with The Bride and the Crazy 88s? No? Then learn how to edit. Oh, wait, that’s a problem with the books, too. Then again, these movies are total lady-bait with loads of staring and breathing and staring intensely and intense breathing.  Continue reading