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True Blood 5.08: Somebody That I Used To Know

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO

PREVIOUSLY: Does the previously part even matter anymore? Did it ever matter? This show is so bugnuts.

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True Blood 5.03: Whatever I Am, You Made Me

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: Sookie and Lafayette broke Tara and got real sad about it, Terry’s going on a roadtrip with Patrick, Alcide isn’t going to be the new packmaster, Sam and Luna broke up before Luna’s weird kid turns into a wolf puppy in pajamas, Pam flashbacked, VAMPYRE BYBLE, Tara ran away, CHRIS MELONI, and Chris Meloni agreed to let Eric and Bill hunt down Russell Edgington in exchange for their lives.

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True Blood 5.02: Authority Always Wins

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: Bill and Eric got captured, Sookie and Lafayette made the executive decision to have Pam turn Tara into a vampire, Steve Newlin is in big gay vampire love with Jason, Eric’s fake sister is in the Authority, blah blah werewolf emergency, Terry Bellefleur problems, and Tara’s turning doesn’t go well for Sookie.

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True Blood 5.01: Turn! Turn! Turn!

True Blood airs Sundays at 9PM on HBO
PREVIOUSLY: ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENED. Bill killed Queen Sophie-Anne and became King of Louisiana thanks to Nan Flanagan’s machinations; Sookie visited Ye Olde Fayerie Worlde, and it sucked a year out of her life (in addition to just sucking); Jason became a Hot Cop; Petunia Dursley was possessed by a Spanish ghost and did some witchy stuff that pissed the vampires off; Lafayette and his hot brujo boyfriend Jesus were messing with FORCES BEYOND THEIR CONTROL; Eric had amnesia due to witchy stuff and we discovered that he’s kind of a giant tool when he’s not being Eric Northman (SEX NARNIA!); Hoyt and Jessica broke up and it was the worst thing ever, but then she was naked on Jason Stackhouse so things were less terrible (but still terrible); there was some werewolf/shapeshifter business that ended with Alcide killing some greasy dude; SCOTT FOLEY SHOWED UP TO BE OMINOUS ABOUT OUR BEST BELOVED, TERRY BELLEFLEUR; King Russell Goddamn Edgington escaped from his cement prison; Lafayette got possessed by Petunia Dursley’s ghost and murdered Jesus, but since Lafayette is a medium, this may not be as bad as it seems (but it’s still terrible); the fact that Bill and Eric fucked around all season instead of acting like responsible adults comes back to bite them in the form of an edict from the vampire Authority, but Bill and Eric stake the messenger (Nan); Sookie breaks up with both Bill and Eric while they wear the most insanely homosexual matching striped bathrobes; Fucking Debbie Pelt drunks her way into Sookie’s house with a shotgun and shoots our other best beloved, Tara, right in the brain; and Sookie shoots Debbie right back.

CAUGHT UP YET? ME FUCKIN’ NEITHER. YAY!

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