The Doctor and Martha take on the scariest Dalek of them all: the Empire State Building!
The Doctor plays himself in with “Happy Days Are Here Again”, calling, “Hello. Surprise. Boo. Etcetera.” Aww, when did the magic go out of these Time Lord/Dalek reunions, Doctor? Sec now “feels humanity”, but it’s all bad: he calls humans “so very Dalek” for their hatred and “genius for war.” Fuming, the Doctor pumps up the volume: the radio’s feedback hurts the Daleks, Pigmen, and vulnerable Sec. As the Daleks shriek, “Protect!” and surround their hybrid, the Doctor leads the escape of the captured humans. Continue reading
The Doctor, Martha, and Spider-Man plan a post-Dalek threesome.
Backstage at a musical revue, sassy chorus girls yell to Tallulah to quit pawing at her stagehand boyfriend so they can All That Jazz the audience. Tallulah’s a gangster-moll-accent ditz with heart. Laszlo wants to bring her home for Sunday dinner, and gives her white roses. Clearly he wants to rescue her from her hardscrabble burlesque life for a Somewhere That’s Green place in Jersey. So. Laszlo’s pretty much marked for death. Continue reading
The Doctor vows to clean up this New New York!
A couple straight out of Grant Wood’s American Gothic drives their van, watching a cheery video traffic report about carjackings. Where are they, Detroit? When something claws at their vehicle, Ma yells at Pa; he lied about having three passengers. Pa’s frantic calls to the police only reach a recording; they’re placed on hold. Screaming, sparks, and smoke fill the van. “Missing you already,” the traffic reporter signs off.
The Doctor takes Martha to see Shakespeare, and refuses to Sonic Screwdriver for the fancy-schmancy seats!
In Ye Olde England (shh, it’s an historical term), a young swain serenades his love, Lilith. She invites him upstairs; time to get lucky without those pesky baans of marriage, awww forsooooth! But once he’s upstairs, wouldn’t you know she turns into a sharp-toothed hag with two crones for moms? The crones set on the poor guy, and icky sounds follow. The Loathsome Ladies vow to make Earth perish with “woven words” and cackle madly.
Feel how my two hearts beat for you, baby!
Martha Jones, a young woman whose meddling family has obviously elected her Chief Mediator, answers multiple calls while walking to work. The brouhaha isn’t unusual (a party, dad bringing his girlfriend, everyone up in arms). But a strange man who accosts her saying, “Right, so, you see?” and brandishing his undone tie is. The Doctor does Crazy Man on the Street so well! He makes the creepy and unfriendly head-to-toe leather-clad motorcycle messenger who nearly knocks Martha over seem like a normal bloke.
The Doctor’s intimacy issues writ large: cue the wedding bells!
A wide-view of Earth zooms to focus on a bride walking down the aisle. As she approaches the groom, we see she’s positively radiant: glowing, if you will! Oh dear, perhaps that’s a dangerous sort of glow. She screams, turning into light particles that zip away and re-form in the TARDIS so she can yell, “What the hell is this place?” Feisty!
Look into the Exterminating Plunger and say “WAH!”
As the Daleks released from the Sphere cry “Exterminate!” Rose calls them out, yo! She knows them and the Time Wars; they’ll have to keep her, Mickey, and Raj alive to find out why. “You will be necessary,” the Daleks agree in shrill voices before checking on the Genesis Ark. Hey Rose, the Daleks, not looking so dead, Mickey points out. “Never mind that; what the hell is the Genesis Ark?” Rose demands. Something guaranteeing the Daleks the Best Extermination Ever, I’d wager!
3-D Specs Doctor — he ain’t ‘fraid ‘a no ghosts!
For nineteen years, Rose’s voiceover says, “nothing happened. Nothing at all, not ever.” Flashback to meeting Nine (oh, Nine!), and sharing “the whole of time and space” with the Doctor (montaging through moments with Ten). She thought she’d stay with him forever, but then came the Army of Ghosts, Torchwood, and the War. “This is the story of how I died.” Now. We’ve had some grim openers, but *huddles under blankets*
The Doctor and Rose sniff out a very stinky mystery!
A London 2012 Olympics banner stretches over a neighborhood where posters of missing children abound. A grandmother-type urges some boys inside: “It likes when they’re playing!” I watch through my fingers until it’s quite clear this isn’t a Very Special Pedo Bear episode. Oh, thank goodness; instead, it’s a mean little girl singing “Koukaburra” alone in her bedroom and sketching kids until they go *poof!* from outside and end up trapped in her pictures.
Hey, I am so glad we stretched out that mystery to the end of the ep! Oh, hell, we’re not even at the opening credits, are we? “What do you want with our children?” the elderly woman cries. Not to build suspense, I’ll tell you that much.
Alien to porky-choppy: Barooo?
A man runs along an abandoned warehouse, stopping when he sees the TARDIS. His evident awe is interrupted when we hear Rose call “Doctor!” Inside, the man comes face to face with a roaring alien. “And that’s what it did,” he exclaims (now at the interior of a flat). “It went roar!”
Flashback to the alien: the Doctor pops up, waving a raw pork chop at the alien. “Get out of here,” the Doctor says to his observer before cooing, “Wouldn’t you like a porky-choppy then?” to the very interested alien.