Tag Archives: Taylor Armstrong

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.4 – Uh Oh Somebody’s Crying

Who could it be?

I’m just messing with you, it’s Kim. Also, someone pissed off the lighting crew from the looks of things.

Let’s just go ahead and accept that because these people are partially human (look at all the plastic in their skin!) and live almost unbelievable lives that we’re just going to get a little cray over here, okay?  Okay.  But first: to Mulholland!  Nothing bad ever happened there… Continue reading

Real Housewives 3.3 – Don’t Sing For Your Supper

This is the most surreal thing that has happened on this show. Also, stop tearing celery with your hands, Kim, that’s weird. And nobody wants your STUPID chicken salad, god.

There are no gloriously tacky social climbers tonight but there are two things that made this episode sublime: Kim’s ginormous vat of chicken salad for no one, and everything Yolanda. Seriously. Everything. She restored herself in my eyes here, even though I will always side-eye her for potential racism. Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.1 – Down and Out in Beverly Hills

I just wish they put a little effort into their appearance, you know? You’re getting a PICTURE taken ffs.

Last season on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there were mermaids! Weddings! Bickering! And what will sum up this new season, I believe: “If you can’t be my friend, then please don’t be my enemy!”

Yeah, I bet they’re all enemies by the end of this. (And oh my god, if $25,000 isn’t on this season, I will call shenanigans and demand a rematch. She would be amazing to watch with the new wife, Yolanda.) Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills-The Reunion Pt.1

Even Andy is giving Adrienne the stink eye.

Well things got ugly behind scenes, and I’m not talking about Kim’s boyfriend Ken. BOOM. Speaking of, Kim isn’t here for the reunion as she (smartly) checked herself into rehab in December for alcohol, and I truly wish her the best. Pull it together, Escape From Witch Mountain! (Kyle says right up front that she won’t discuss Kim’s rehab.)

But what I want to talk about is how everyone is a total jerkface to my spirit animal, Lisa Vanderpump. Let’s get ready to rumble! Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.19 – Real Wedding of Beverly Hills

First Rule of Weddings: never wear a tiara larger than the Bride's.

It’s here, it’s here! Bobby Trendy’s, I mean, Pandora Vanderpump’s wedding! And if that isn’t a bodice ripper of a name, I don’t know what is. (Oh, and Russell killed himself by this point, BUT WEDDINGS, YAY!) * tugs collar*

It’s the day before The Big Day and Lisa is flying about the grounds as everything is being set up. And Kevin (aka Bobby Trendy) is out of the country. Oh, he’ll be back an hour before the ceremony to say “Chi-chi-chi” and wear his Bruce Lee sunglasses, don’t worry.  Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.16 – Lies, Leis and Lanai

By the grace of Zohar, they will survive this flight!

So, like, remember how Russell totally ruined everyone’s prom by existing? And breathing his open mouth cooties all over an email to Camille so, like, the whole gang was super mad at him and stuff? And they kicked Taylor and Russell out of prom because it’s our Senior Year, you guys. This is supposed to The Year, okay? This is our time our time. And yes, I just quoted Goonies. Because Goonies never die.

…I guess Russell wasn’t a Goonie. (I know. I’m going to hell. I know.)

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.15 – Uninvited

Kim: before she goes ghetto.

This episode marks the next to the last time that I will have to endure Camille’s horribly delivered tagline, “Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, DD is!” She says freedom, but she should have said DD. (DD tried to put it in her contract.)

So, I finally realized that this show is what 90210 thought it could be. Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.14 – Book, Bachelorette and a Breakdown

This woman is flawless. Also, her hips don't lie.

It’s the Penultimate Episode!

Remember last week when Friend For Hire DD went bananas, spoiling for a fight?  Camille is going to punish her for it this week.  Also, Dana returns with the most obnoxious bragging moment ever.  Dear Bravo: please feature more of those two trainwrecks.  Love, Me. Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.13 – Malibu Beach Party From Hell

Taylor cannot BELIEVE that DD would show up in her gee-maw's nightgown to a party. So tacky.

My secret BFF Justin the Ladysitter makes an appearance! [And you can play spot the stalker with me in that scene.] Friend-for-hire DD shows up! She even turned her Nana’s sofa’s afghan into a dress! Exposed nipples! Claw your eyes out girlfighting! Yep, we’re going to hang at Malibu Stacy’s, grab a pair of wedges and let’s get to it.

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 2.12 – Adrienne’s Fashion Show

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to cut this short." (there's a daaaark joke there, if you're willing to see it.)

Jumping right in this week! Lisa meets Pandora at home where Bobby Trendy is there to force Lisa into a million dollar wedding. They chose the shirt box invites, but they’re made for Pandora in white silk roses with a pale pink satin ribbon and rhinestones on the outside, and when you open it, the invitation is there with rose petals. Tres expensive. I mean, elegant.  Continue reading