Would you be my new baby-daddy?
Welcome back to The Bachelorette, where single-mom Emily Maynard gets to choose her (2nd) True TV Love from 25 brand new Douchetestants. Continue reading
Mr. Overpaid is earning his money. Ashley and JP are engaged! Yippee. But how’s Ben doing after his horrible ride on the rejection row boat? Let’s find out…
Ben comes to the stage amidst a roar of swooning women. Everyone in the audience is volunteering to make Ben feel all better.
“Millions of people just watched a heartbreaking scene, where you got down on one knee and proposed to Ashley and she obviously turned that proposal down. Let’s watch what happened.” Continue reading
“Tonight on the dramatic season finale of the Bachelorette…When Ashley faces the biggest decision of her life. Who will she choose?”
It’s like Mr. Overpaid hasn’t even watched this season. Who will she choose? Bah! Let’s see, she spent the entire season dry humping JP while her tongue has yet to touch Ben’s. He’s in the final two…and she’s never played tonsil hockey with the boy… Continue reading
They all have on panties. Probably boyshorts. Maybe a ruffle or two.
Tonight on this special edition of the Bachelorette: The Men
Wear Panties Tell All
And the crowd goes wild with a standing ovation as Mr. Overpaid takes the stage and sets up the story of Ashley’s amazing journey to find love. Continue reading
Welcome to Fiji boys and girls. And just in case you didn’t know, it’s the perfect place to fall in love. I know that we all know it now, because that’s all Bashley keeps saying. “Fiji is the perfect place to find love.” “It’s the ultimate place to fall in love.” (for everyone but Constantine, that is. DOH!)”It’s a once in a lifetime chance to find my future husband.” We GET IT. NOBODY CAN FIND LOVE ANYWHERE ELSE BUT ON FIJI. Continue reading
which one of these is better than the other...
“This whole journey does a lot for people.”
There’s a quote I can get behind. It says so much without saying anything. And that’s how this episode begins. Lots of words with very little meaning…
Okay, let me start off by saying, it KILLS me that at every hometown date, each family says “It means so much that he’s bringing her home to meet the family.” No, it only means that your son has a 25% chance of getting engaged on national TV and a 75% chance of being dumped and reading about it in the National Enquirer. Continue reading
dumb and dumber anyone?
We open the show with Bashley walking in Taipei, Taiwan bringing back the 80s in her very vibrant, pleated, multi-colored mini skirt. Remember Forenza sweaters? She totally needed one in turquoise, with the V turned to the back and a hot pink racer-back tank underneath. Oh, and a wide hot pink belt at the waist. I may have worn that exact same outfit in 9th grade. Maybe. Continue reading
Seriously, the entire first five minutes we hear Bashley whining about the Super Douche, Bentley(gag). We also see her walking around Hong Kong in really tight jeans. HOLY WIDE GAP BATMAN! Which brings me to the internetweb rumors which are running rampant that Bashley and the Super Douche totally banged it out before he left the show. Which would explain why we are still talking about the Super Douche even though she’s TV dating 7 other dudes with perfect hair and perfect teeth (or horse mouths, whatever.) Frankly, I’d prefer the rumor to be true because that would explain why she was holding on tightly and not letting go of the Super Douche. However, I’m really not sure it’s possible the way the show works becasue Bashley is never away from the camera. Ever. Because she is the star of Unreality TV. Therefore if she had had sexual relations with that Douche, there would be evidence. (and I’m not talking about the blue dress kind of evidence. Or am I?) Continue reading
Tonight’s Bachelorette was sponsored by a bottle
and a half of Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc. Wine is the way to go from now on. Less filling, tastes great, and bigger buzz.
We open with the Douches being boring in the cars on their way to Chiang Mai, Thailand. Mr. Overpaid welcomes them to the Mandarin Oriental Dhara Dhevi and tells them to go find their private villa and to have fun. Oh, and by the way, it’s 2-on-1 date week! Uh oh! One douche gets a rose while the other douche gots to goes. (sorry, I really had to stretch for that one.) Continue reading
The Bachelorette can be seen Monday nights at 8|7c on ABC.
I have a LOVE/HATE/LOVE relationship with all things Bachelor/Bachelorette. This show is all things awesome and horrid, swirling around together in a vat of WTF. I swear after every season that I WILL NOT WATCH THIS AGAIN and then what happens? I sit on my couch with my giant tub of cheesy-poofs and a beer and I EAT IT UP. (the cheesy-poofs and the show.) I know this makes me a boob in every way and somehow, I am okay with that. (And let’s face it, so are you which is why you’re reading this. Admit it. You’re eating cheesy-poofs right now.) Continue reading