Tag Archives: UNreality tv

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.5 – Girls Gone Ojai’ld

Don’t be fooled into thinking you know what’s happening here.
This is HATE SEX, pure and simple.

First off, boo to you, Bravo for your punny title. You’re better than that. Don’t think that means I’m quitting you, because I can’t. One day they’ll find your promo tee-shirt hanging inside my favorite chambray work shirt and I’ll look stoically across the Wyoming sky, missing you something fierce.

Until then, let’s have fun gawking at crazy rich people! We last left off with Brandi and Kim playing nice at dinner, Kim overcome and crying (“I just have a lot of feelings…”) Continue reading

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 3.4 – Uh Oh Somebody’s Crying

Who could it be?

I’m just messing with you, it’s Kim. Also, someone pissed off the lighting crew from the looks of things.

Let’s just go ahead and accept that because these people are partially human (look at all the plastic in their skin!) and live almost unbelievable lives that we’re just going to get a little cray over here, okay?  Okay.  But first: to Mulholland!  Nothing bad ever happened there… Continue reading

The Bachelorette: Season Ashley; episode 6

Seriously, the entire first five minutes we hear Bashley whining about the Super Douche, Bentley(gag). We also see her walking around Hong Kong in really tight jeans. HOLY WIDE GAP BATMAN! Which brings me to the internetweb rumors which are running rampant that Bashley and the Super Douche totally banged it out before he left the show. Which would explain why we are still talking about the Super Douche even though she’s TV dating 7 other dudes with perfect hair and perfect teeth (or horse mouths, whatever.) Frankly, I’d prefer the rumor to be true because that would explain why she was holding on tightly and not letting go of the Super Douche. However, I’m really not sure it’s possible the way the show works becasue Bashley is never away from the camera. Ever. Because she is the star of Unreality TV. Therefore if she had had sexual relations with that Douche, there would be evidence. (and I’m not talking about the blue dress kind of evidence. Or am I?) Continue reading

The Bachelorette: Season Ashley episode 4

and getting caught in the rain...

Okay folks, every season we get the boring show and I’m not gonna lie to ya, this one was a freaking snoozer. Big time. I’ll do my best to recap this in a way that won’t put you to sleep. Continue reading

The Bachelorette: Season Ashley episode 3

the mask! it burns!

Cheesy-poofs? Check. 6-pack? Check. Endless buffet of Massengill Super Douches? Check. Check. Check.

This episode is rated DD (and we’re not talking about Bashley’s tits, am I right?),(<–note my awesome use of foreshadowing please) No, DD stands for a Double Dose of Douchebaggery!  (Okay, technically that should be a rating of DDD but DD worked better for the awesome foreshadowing so work with me here.) Continue reading

The Bachelorette: Season Ashley episode 2

Hi. My name is MelF and I’m an addict to Douchebaggery.

Sorry I’m a week behind folks. But I’m hoping to catch up this week so that next week’s post will so fresh, and so clean, clean!

Episode 2 starts off with the host Chris Harrison announcing that the show has been on for-damn-ever and nothing ever changes and if you don’t get a rose on your 1-on-1 date, then your ass is gone. He gets paid loads of dough to tell us that. I need his job. They really should consider me as hostess. I’m funnier than Chris and I have a great rack. Win/Win.
Continue reading

The Bachelorette: Season Ashley episode 1

The Bachelorette can be seen Monday nights at 8|7c on ABC.

I have a LOVE/HATE/LOVE relationship with all things Bachelor/Bachelorette. This show is all things awesome and horrid, swirling around together in a vat of WTF. I swear after every season that I WILL NOT WATCH THIS AGAIN and then what happens? I sit on my couch with my giant tub of cheesy-poofs and a beer and I EAT IT UP. (the cheesy-poofs and the show.) I know this makes me a boob in every way and somehow, I am okay with that. (And let’s face it, so are you which is why you’re reading this. Admit it. You’re eating cheesy-poofs right now.) Continue reading