- Remember: don’t ever be sorry.
- How the harvest gets here.
- Good or lucky, doesn’t matter. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
BASICALLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS SHOW. Mostly about Glenn. And Maggie.
- Sheriff blue Eyes getting a little.
- Deanna going bananas.
- MAGGIE IS HAVING PIZZA DELIVERY BABIES. Guys. What are we thinking? I know I’m losing my damn mind. YOU??
How are we four eps in!?! It just started! Basically this is what I’ve been waiting for since EPISODE ONE. And that is Morgan. GUYS. Y’ALL KNOW I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HIS STORY. And know I’ve had an entire bottle of wine BY MYSELF in honor of last week. And also know that just because I wanted more about Morgan I didn’t necessarily NEED THIS EPISODE RIGHT IN THIS PARTICULAR SEASONAL LOCATION nor did I NEED ninety minutes of it. =/
Things y’all should remember about me: I’ve been interested in Morgan since Ep 1, I love that he’s in the woods in a sneeze guard and a Mel Gibson William Wallace stab sticks circle of protection* (technical name I’ve chosen), because that’s basically the light armor/temporary shelter I would choose.
Amazing things: guy in kidnapper ties as a Walker, skater shin guards as bite-protection, Morgan being US in the ZA. Things I don’t buy: ultra-dad being able to overpower Morgan. I mean, come on. He’s a DAD. SORRY, DADS. BUT HE IS THE DADDEST DAD AND PROBABLY ASKS MORGAN TO PULL HIS FINGER IN BETWEEN MOMENTS OF PHILOSOPHY. That is a man who has a lot of short-sleeve button ups, is what I’m getting at.
Never forget: the real problem in the ZA isn’t the undead. It’s the raiders and other living people. Am I going to have to link you back to the pamphlet made by church I grew up in? Because it’s pretty solid info, if seriously zionist.
And know this about me times a million: if it’s the ZA and I don’t know you and can’t tell immediately your usefulness, you ain’t gonna be hosted by me. No offense, and I’d expect the same from you. (But I’m sad about the goat! WAAAAAH, BABY.)
On one hand, it’s nice to have the reminder of humanity. On the other, YEAH. WE KNOW. Let’s move on to where we are in the narrative. 90 min? JFC. There’s a lot I want to know about Morgan, but… for some reason this episode isn’t entirely it. Maybe because it’s Margine’s husband? Hmm. (Please know this reference.) GOATS DYING MAKES ME SAD. So. Give me your thoughts.
ALSO I HAVE READ PREACHER FROM THE BEGINNING, THIS IS BECOMING A SHOW WHAT ON EARTH?! Let’s talk. THOUGHTS??!?!
So… we all okay? Because you know (you comic book readers who have hatefully hinted to me to prepare for this since S2) that this is basically terrible.
We knew Michonne was okay. We KNEW it. Also, don’t tell anyone you twisted your ankle in the ZA. Suck it up, and move your buns. ALSO TIMES A MILLION, the pet store was hard for me. THAT WAS HARD. I don’t like thinking about creatures trapped in cages. That was some dark shizz.
BUT GLENN. Here is where you can vent, remember our most fabulous pizza delivery boy, whatever. WHAT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?? (Also: I toooootally thought Daryl was racing back to
boyfriend best friend Rick and was shocked to see him returning to his mission. THOUGHTS??)
Guys. Can I call you guys? We’ve been here through the seasons, pro-tips have been shared, Michonnes loved, Daryls admired, Caroles praised, Ricks both adored and chastised.
And… I can’t think of anything new to say. New nicknames? Ha, always, but nothing about this STORY, this relentlessly dark and–it has to be said–repetitive story. Look, I write stories as my day job. There’s a structure to this. And I know that in television there’s a bigger arc that I’m not privy to. But… I just don’t have it in me to keep recording like a stenographer the continued Bataan Death March in the hopes that there’s going to be something to root for.
There’s nothing to root for that’s new to say. <-- Read that again before you send me hate. There is nothing new to say. No new ideas, no new insights, just more this person is struggling morally, Rick, a glint in his eye and dirt on his brow, shows them that they must kill and push on; after all, he has a baby to raise and a Carl to get in the house.
Wait, there is one new thing to say: CARL ORDERED SOMEONE TO GET IN THE HOUSE! Lori must be smiling from heaven.
So feel free to use the comment section here to talk amongst yourselves. The FX are still cool, after all. And the normal HDJM rules still apply: don't be a dick, don't spoil, and don't be a dick. (I'm still watching, I just... I give up trying to be funny and insightful. The well has run dry, I'm afraid.)
[Previously!] Okay, the show hinted that someone we care about will die in this finale, which I hate knowing, because then I’m too stressed to just take the episode in. No, I imagine every interaction as the last. (Which yeah, I know that’s what they want.) You know what I want?
MORGAN!!! AND I GOT IT!
Someone spent some time on Coruscant for their Jedi training. [DID YOU NOT KNOW HOW BIG OF A NERD I AM UNTIL JUST NOW?] I pretty much made light-saber noises every time Morgan pulled out that quarterstaff.
I DO NOT ACCEPT YOUR SYMPATHY TUNA NOODLE, MADAM.
Previously! Deanna and NPR Chairperson Reg mourn their dead son by listening to Trent Reznor, as you do. Reg is moved to tears by the ’90s emo, and I’m crying, too, Reg. Because Carol made you guys a sympathy tuna casserole, with a “We’re truly sorry for your loss” card, which Deanna promptly sets on fire. She then leaves the tuna noodles out on the porch, and that’s how you get ants, Deanna. Continue reading
Previously! Father Gabriel is setting up a new chapel. Alexandria found work for him, too. A gift of strawberries from someone named Rosemary has him freaking. He tears a page out, then more and more, ripping the book into shreds. DAMN SON, YOU LEFT HARD.
Fun fact! Rosemary mythologically is a symbol for remembrance of the dead. Can’t stop remembering the people you locked out of your church, Gabriel? And strawberries symbolize purity, passion and healing. I guess there won’t be healing as long as he can still remember his own dead, huh?
But enough about him. I came here to chew bubblegum and get turned on by Daryl Dixon on a motorcycle, and I’m all out of bubblegum. [dirty bass line] Continue reading
GUYS. I had jury duty, and they picked me. So sorry for the delay but an actual person’s LIFE WAS ON THE LINE. Who cares, let’s talk about cookies and buttons! [Previously!]
HEY MY GUESS IS THIS IS FORESHADOWING TO ADULTERY, WHO’S WITH ME?
We open with Sasha looking at some pictures of white people enjoying themselves. Seriously? They couldn’t do a sweep of empty houses and remove personal memorabilia? And were there no people of color in Alexandria? Welp, she can’t sleep, so she goes to the gun libraries (Republicans are probably salivating at that concept), checks out her sniper, promises Olivia that if she gets a boar (pfft, she’s hunting Walkers) she’ll make sure to send her prosciutto seeds (a leg)… Continue reading
Please note Dr. Mullet standing with no weapon in the middle. He should fit right in!
Previously! We open with our group approaching the gate at Alexandria, which opens for them. Carl sees a young girl watching them from one of the damage houses at the entrance. Love interest, spotted! Also spotted: opossum in the trashcan, which Daryl quickly puts down, telling the guys at the gate, “We brought dinner.” Ahahaha. Continue reading
Is it just me, or does he look like a young Lorne Michaels?
Previously: They meet a Jehovah’s Witnesses with Good News.
The cleanest man in the Apocalypse is now in the hands of Sasha and Maggie. Or is he? Continue reading