Jesus serves up eggs and sympathy to ‘Lafayette’ and tells his unusually sass-free boyfriend that he understands he may have pulled Lafayette into the whole magical craziness before he was ready, and that if Lafayette wants to live a magic-free life, Jesus is open to that. Apparently uncertain whether a “Hookah, please!” would be apropos at this juncture, Marnie stays silent, but she did put on a stunning silk wrapper I’m sure Lafayette would have approved. Jesus leans in to kiss Lafayette goodbye, and as his lips brush ‘Lafayette’s’ cheek, he feels a disturbance in his juju and pulls back with an uncertain, “Lafayette?” Before Jesus can question further, Marnie stabs him the hand with a fork, the tines still dripping egg yolk! Oh, that’s just ptomaine waiting to happen, y’all.
Eric, Pam, Jessica and Bill, still lined up by height like a grade school chorus, lockstep their way toward Moon Goddess. Marnie spies with her little eye something that starts with V and toting automatic weapons. Sookie informs Marnie that if they don’t get out, the vamps are gonna blow them all to hell, or at least Shreveport. Marnie tosses a dagger into the ubiquitous candle circle and tells them they can all leave any time they want, good luck getting past the vamps! Casey, one of the twitchier witchlings, launches herself at Marnie in rage and Marnie magicks the dagger into Casey’s chest with a smug smile.
Melee ensues at the Rally for Tolerance as Antonia and Sparky Witchling join hands and start to Latinate. Eric jumps Bill and gets ready to get head cracky with death, but Sookie jumps Eric like she’s going for one last ride on his longboat. Sookie is wearing a heart print sweater that came straight out of my grade school closet circa 1982 (I know y’all are reading for the sex and death, but color commentary is my forte). Bill shoots Eric, and since that felt so good, he starts to shoot the hell out of everyone else. Sookie begs Bill not to shoot Eric again (he just winged him the first time) and then commands Eric not to let Antonia control him. Eric tells her to go home like she’s his annoying kid sister and then aims to stake Bill with a giant piece of set dressing. Sookie yells ‘No more!’ and throws a double-handed whammy of glowy fairy power at Eric. Antonia feels the control connection break and Eric gets his memories back in a super fast Viking-gory-Sookie-sex montage.
Alcide runs from the cemetery with Sookie in his arms like they’re Rhett and Scarlett running from the burning of Atlanta. Faster than a speeding…Bill…Sookie is snatched out of Alcide’s arms as Bill vamp-speeds her into her house. He bites his wrist and gives it to her to drink as he apologizes for letting her come to the détente. Alcide enters and asks why, exactly, Bill allowed that, but Bill is just looking for some werewolf STFU right now. Sookie isn’t able to drink and she barely has a pulse. Alcide asks if there’s anything else they can do and Bill says they can pray. “Werewolf and vampire? Who’s gonna listen?” Alcide asks dispiritedly and a pain-faced Bill is sure he doesn’t know. Too bad Bill wasn’t more detail-oriented on making sure he got all of the vampire denizens of Bon Temps rounded up; Beulah’s curlers and housecoat had Pentecostal prayer-warrior written all over them. Continue reading
Joe Lee drags Tommy around by the neckchain as Mama Mickens bird dogs him, telling him he’s going to kill Tommy and threatening to call the ASPCA. “I’m teaching him!” Joe Lee grunts as he puts Tommy in a choke hold until he passes out. Wow, literacy followed by obedience school: Tommy’s having a big week! As Joe Lee makes plans for all the new under-drawers Tommy’s future winnings are going to net him, Tommy (who was just playing ‘possum, shoulda seen that coming, Joe Lee) jumps up and gets his daddy’s attention with a chain-choke of his own. I think to myself, “How do you like me now, bitch?” just before Tommy asks, “Now who’s the bitch, bitch?” Y’all, I could write for this show. Which puts me slightly ahead of 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters and a shirtless picture of Alexander Skarsgård, but you get me. Continue reading